Page 2 | How many bedrooms 9 people

Toomanybedrooms · 2021-02-17T19:23:08+00:00

Ok, long time lurker, but have never needed to make an account - until now! So, we are thinking of moving house with: Me DH DD - 8y DS - 6y DD - 3y DD - 2m DM - in 70s DH - in 70s DBro - learning difficulties so lives with Parents How many bedrooms are going to need for this? We can get annexes and what not for parents and DBro. We currently live in a 3 bed small semi. Me, DH and DD2m in big bedroom. DD8 & DS6 in double bedroom. DD3 in tiny box room. We were very tight on space but managed. Recently my parents have been struggling themselves and can’t look after my DBro either. We thought it was time for a move. But I’m confused on how many bedrooms we are going to need. Would it be 7 - one room each for the kids. Would it be 5 - two of the kids share. Do you have any other suggestions??? What do you work with? sorry for long post! TIA :)

ineedaholidaynow · 17/02/2021 20:48

@Toomanybedrooms in your opening post you said your parents are struggling so I assumed they might need help in the near future, and possibly won't be up to looking after young children. Or is it just looking after your DB that they are struggling with?

If you and DH both work I certainly can't see how you could care for your DB.

You need to think about this seriously, maybe do a search on here for a few threads where people have done/considered having family move in. They will give you more of an idea what might be needed and the possible pitfalls.

Original poster

Toomanybedrooms · 17/02/2021 20:49

@AuntyFungal

How independent is / could, your DB be?

If yes (even if currently overly enabled) then get something with an annex. That way your DP & DB can have some independence & privacy.

& you get to ‘shut the door’ when you guys need the same.

Also, further down the line they might need overnight carers etc... so it would be less disruptive for all.

Yes. Exactly my thinking!

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/02/2021 20:58

Sounds like your DP want you to take on DB permanently and their money may come with huge strings attached or the DB on the house deeds? Think carefully about this

Original poster

Toomanybedrooms · 17/02/2021 20:59

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@Toomanybedrooms in your opening post you said your parents are struggling so I assumed they might need help in the near future, and possibly won't be up to looking after young children. Or is it just looking after your DB that they are struggling with?

If you and DH both work I certainly can't see how you could care for your DB.

You need to think about this seriously, maybe do a search on here for a few threads where people have done/considered having family move in. They will give you more of an idea what might be needed and the possible pitfalls.[/quote]
Thank you for so much help!!! I will do that.
Wow. Mum sent is so much help!

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 17/02/2021 21:06

Think very carefully if you're planning on parents selling their house to join finances to buy a bigger house with you. If either of them need to go into care in the near future, that could have financial implications and you could end up having to sell up to pay for care at some point. Get legal advice on this.
Personally, I think you're bonkers, but only you know if you're capable of basically spending possibly the next 20 years looking after other people. Additionally, maintaining such a large house will take some doing.

I’d say you need at least 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms - your parents would likely need a family sized one as opposed to a small en-suite.

Bluntness100 · 17/02/2021 21:15

Op, you already have your work cut out raising four children and working. You’ll have to dilute that further to care for parents and your brother, and that’s before you look at time for your marriage.

I’d think very carefully about this. Very carefully indeed.

Original poster

Toomanybedrooms · 17/02/2021 21:19

So do you think it would be easier finding a bungalow near by?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 17/02/2021 21:23

I think you would be wiser to live close together rather than in one house. If your parents are starting to struggle they need to apply for carers etc. Get social services involved to sort out care for DB.

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/02/2021 21:28

@Toomanybedrooms

So do you think it would be easier finding a bungalow near by?

Yes or even a 2 bed ground floor flat for them to move closer to you, so after they’re gone your DB can keep on living independantly if possible or you can sell it to fund his care as needed.

TartanGoose · 17/02/2021 21:39

My friend (five dc) bought a detached house with a big kitchen, two living areas and four bedrooms and her parents bought a flat opposite her. They all eat together and the dc come and go between the house and the flat. There is a twin room at the flat for sleepovers. You need to have living space so that pekoe can be doing different things. Five adults is a lot. You can't all be sitting on one room every evening.

DianaT1969 · 17/02/2021 21:56

I think you're doing a good thing. Your parents will have peace of mind.
Regarding bedrooms, your parents might have a bedroom each in their current home and have got used to that (snoring, different bedtimes etc.). If they are part-financing the move, I'd check if they need a bedroom each.

AIMD · 17/02/2021 21:56

@RandomMess

I think you would be wiser to live close together rather than in one house. If your parents are starting to struggle they need to apply for carers etc. Get social services involved to sort out care for DB.

I agree with this. You can be close by to support them alongside carer support if that becomes necessary.

Have you had a discussion about your parents about future care for your brother? Are they automatically assuming you will care for him full time when they can’t?

user1471538283 · 17/02/2021 22:02

I think you will need a ground floor annex for you parents and possibly your DB with a bathroom. Like a little 2 bed flat. Then at least 4 bedrooms between the rest in the main house.

It sounds lovely but alot of work.

SpaceRaiders · 17/02/2021 22:34

I think you may be vastly underestimating how hard it will be to not only find a 6 bed house big enough within your budget, but also with an annexe. Round here you’d be looking at at least 1.6m if not more. Far easier to find two smaller houses in the same street. And then you have the financial implications as someone mentioned above.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2021 13:33

@DianaT1969

I think you're doing a good thing. Your parents will have peace of mind. Regarding bedrooms, your parents might have a bedroom each in their current home and have got used to that (snoring, different bedtimes etc.). If they are part-financing the move, I'd check if they need a bedroom each.

What about her? Doesn’t she count? What about her four kids, her husband? Don’t they? Because my aunt did this and yeah it’s great to begin with, you have a much bigger home than you could otherwise afford, but reality can kick in pretty quickly.

They are struggling to cope with her brother, she’s already got four kids, one a pretty much new born infant, she will need to step into help with thr brother, then her parents may need additional care. Plus it’s difficult to tell them to stay in the annexe. So you end up sith them sitting with you, dining with you most nights, lack of family alone time, pushed to your limits trying to care for the kids and the home, plus parents and brother, and work.

It can cause huge resentment, and a situation you can’t get out of without ripping a family apart

And if they own part of the house and need care, then there could be imolications where she is forced to sell the home to pay for it, because they can’t just gift it to her, due to tax implications.

The whole thing is not about the here and now, it’s about how this pans out over time. In hindsight she may be doing a very very bad thing.

Caspianberg · 18/02/2021 14:39

I would be looking for a 3 bed bungalow for them and a house for you all close as possible ie same street.

That way they have spare bedroom if live in carer is needed for brother in future (or them)

In the mean time, because your closer, you can help out with brother as and when but not 24/7. If more regular assistance is needed, then some kind of day care centre, or his own carer to come in daily to help your parents.

florascotia2 · 18/02/2021 15:03

Caspian is right - as are others who have made similar suggestions.

It sounds as if both parents and perhaps your DB need to be on the ground floor. That means two separate bedrooms, two separate bathrooms - one at least with a big walk-in shower with grab-rails and stable, waterproof shower seating, and perhaps a raised loo. Plus, as others have said, a big bed-sit type room with its own bathroom/ensuite for a possible future carer (that could be upstairs, of course). Plus a little kitchen, plus utility space - a lot of laundry and drying might well be involved if parents/brother become infirm. Plus of course a sitting room, where parents and DP can be independent; as your 4 children grow, they'll be lovely and fun and delightful but perhaps, for those old or ill, at times a little overwhelming.

All the above would take up the ground floor of a biggish house, just by itself. So a separate bungalow or spacious flat not far from your separate family home might be best.

As well as discussing future care options for your DB with social services, it might be helpful to discuss possible future adaptions to any home with an occupational therapist. Just as a tiny example, it took a bit of time to find the best fridge for my fiercely-independent but frail DMother. She could not bend down to reach into an under-the-counter fridge. She could not reach high to use a big fridge-freezer. Her grip was weak and shaky; her eyesidght poor. We did find a medium-size fridge with an easy-to-open door and shelves from about waist-to-shoulder height that she could manage. But it took a bit of looking.

Original poster

Toomanybedrooms · 18/02/2021 15:13

@florascotia2

Caspian is right - as are others who have made similar suggestions.

It sounds as if both parents and perhaps your DB need to be on the ground floor. That means two separate bedrooms, two separate bathrooms - one at least with a big walk-in shower with grab-rails and stable, waterproof shower seating, and perhaps a raised loo. Plus, as others have said, a big bed-sit type room with its own bathroom/ensuite for a possible future carer (that could be upstairs, of course). Plus a little kitchen, plus utility space - a lot of laundry and drying might well be involved if parents/brother become infirm. Plus of course a sitting room, where parents and DP can be independent; as your 4 children grow, they'll be lovely and fun and delightful but perhaps, for those old or ill, at times a little overwhelming.

All the above would take up the ground floor of a biggish house, just by itself. So a separate bungalow or spacious flat not far from your separate family home might be best.

As well as discussing future care options for your DB with social services, it might be helpful to discuss possible future adaptions to any home with an occupational therapist. Just as a tiny example, it took a bit of time to find the best fridge for my fiercely-independent but frail DMother. She could not bend down to reach into an under-the-counter fridge. She could not reach high to use a big fridge-freezer. Her grip was weak and shaky; her eyesidght poor. We did find a medium-size fridge with an easy-to-open door and shelves from about waist-to-shoulder height that she could manage. But it took a bit of looking.

Thank you for the help! Lots of information from you and PP.

Thanks for the example as well!

Will definitely be looking for a nearby 2-3 bed bungalow.
Been thinking of different layouts too.

Thanks again to everyone for all the help!

:)

OP posts:

Branleuse · 18/02/2021 15:16

Do you want to be looking after your brother for the rest of your life, because I think this is such a huge undertaking for your husband and children and he may get more help in supported housing

emmathedilemma · 18/02/2021 15:20

1 for you & DH
1 for parents
1 for DB
1 for 8yr old DD
1 for 6yr old DS
at least 1 for the 3yr old & baby if they share, 2 if they don't.
So I make that 6, maybe 7.
Bathrooms would be a big priority for me as well as bedrooms!

Desmondo2016 · 18/02/2021 15:33

It sounds like an incredibly massive life decision that you haven't actually given any though to whether you actually want to do it.

You don't HAVE to live with them all. Whilst I do have some friends who have combined finances to buy a big house together it would totally be my idea of living hell.

I would focus more on making sure they all have appropriate care in place as and when the time comes.

Original poster

Toomanybedrooms · 18/02/2021 15:53

@Branleuse

Do you want to be looking after your brother for the rest of your life, because I think this is such a huge undertaking for your husband and children and he may get more help in supported housing

Ok, thanks. I will look into it!

OP posts:

Moonstone1234 · 18/02/2021 17:04

I ditto the idea about being really close but live in seperate houses.

A 6-7 bed plus numerous bathrooms would be £££. With your budget have you looked on RightMove for 5-7 bed houses. Are they within your means?

Sorry, I might have missed that you have xxx from all parties to spend.

I know having two parents still living (but divorced a number of years ago) plus DH has the same that this is going to be extremely tricky for you.

PragmaticWench · 18/02/2021 17:32

Read up about Deprivation Of Assets if your parents put money into a property with you, then needed care home paying for down the line. What would happen if you and DH divorced or your DC needed space away from their grandparents? I've lived with a grandparent in our family home, my parents ended up being 24hour carers and it was tough.

A property nearby for your parents plus possible residential care or assisted living for your DB sounds much more sensible.

MrsBobDylan · 18/02/2021 19:45

Op I think deciding bedrooms is the very least of your issues here.

Firstly, (and I have a son who is disabled) your db needs to find supported accommodation because he is an adult and I believe it is a basic human right to be able to leave home and live your own life away from your family.

Depending on your brother's disability, it might be cruel to move him into a home with four young children who will touch his stuff and make noise. He might hate the smell of some of the foods you cook and want to stay up late watching tv.

Secondly, I would advise anyone not to live with their parents however lovely they are. You love your parents but your husband also has to really love them too for it to work. Even then, they will ask you for errands as they get older as you will be an on tap resource, even if they are in an annex.

Don't do it!!!!!!