Downsize as children approach secondary

[ZingZang]

Has anyone downsized as the youngest gets to 8+? It will be going the opposite way compared to many who e.g. move out of city. We're considering some other changes and wondering how we'll fare with a smaller place, especially when we'll need to house 2 teenagers for the next decade, and the kids being accustomed to the space. We don't use our fairly large garden very much to be honest. What's the ideal minimum for you, for a comfortable lifestyle for a family of four?

I think it depends on how small the new property would be.

If the DCs are used to their own rooms, I think having to share just as they are really needing their privacy could be an issue.

Also as the kids start staying up later in the evenings, and having friends over, it is nice for them to have a separate space (for them and you!).

I wouldn't be so worried about a smaller garden as long as there was open space nearby. But they do enjoy football etc in the garden until late teens.

My older children love their bedrooms so i have no idea what down sizing means for you but if you can get them large singles/small doubles each they will be fine.

Couple of things to think about......

bathrooms - separate loos are a must and 2 bathrooms is soooo much better than one

sound-proofing - vital, absolutely vital for everyone's sanity

Downsize to what?
5 bed detached to 3 bed semi, prob ok.
3 bed semi to 2 bed flat, possibly will cause friction.

We like more space as the kids are approaching secondary - guitars, drum kits etc have all sprung up, and the kids are up later, taking up living room space when I want to sit down and have access to the remote control!

I think it might also depend on girls or boys. Our 4 teens spend all their time except for meals in their rooms. But they all have v small ensuites.

I cannot abide people lounging in the kitchen so that works well for me.

We live very rurally and do have an alternative space for when there are younger guests. We don't allow non resident boyfriends upstairs yet.

The boy spends more time outside in the hammock.

i haven't thought it out in earnest how small, but DCs will definitely still have own room (boy girl twins) - they are horrible together / in the same room . So probably at least a 3 bed semi with a garage for bikes and whatnots.

I have no idea what life with tweens/teens will be like, as all the cousins/kids i know are younger, so these kind of insights (staying up later in the evning - second recption? friends staying over, nearby park and clubs) is very helpful!

you also need to consider 3 bed semi is often 2 decent bedroom sizes one small box how will you decide who gets smaller bedroom? As they get older need space to do homework.

drumkits... i hope not! they are very musically inept like me.

actually i'm sure the girl will want her own bathroom - forgot about that. rest of the family (including me) don't mind sharing.

dang i dont think we can downsize, we have the perfect house for teenager

I think location is probably crucial if you downsize. They need to be able to get to their mates so they can hangout somewhere with more space.

What's the thinking behind the idea?

desk for bedroom, good point.
it sounds like teenagers each need their own loft space with a padlock huh

well, if it is the garden you are thinking of, then yes, down sizing makes sense. My kids use the garden hardly at all now (teens)

But other things
teens use theoir bedrooms a lot, and having enough spce for an airmattress/friend to stay is really good.
teens physically take up a lot of space, so eating table needs ot be big enough for 4 adults. It is amazing how much more space they takle than kids actually
communal rooms. They don't get used as much, no need for toy space etc, but do need enough good sofa spots, and in our family that means space for feet too! Don't forget to have enough for your family +1 or 2, as boyfriend/girlfriend may appear
If you have a teens crash space, eg a dining roo converted to TV den, this is pretty amazong with teens actually.

But biggest advantage with teens is a decent bus/cycle route to friends/school/shops/cinema/town centre, so you aren't the taxi all the time

Both DH and I are considering changing jobs and i'd also like to move to be in a catchment of a comprehensive in more suburban area, very early stages

we are in a semi-rural (nearby town centre) detached 5 bed.

I would say it's helpful to have at least 2 toilets, but we managed on only one actual bathroom. A second reception room is ideal if their rooms aren't big so they can entertain downstairs (and makes it easier when the inevitable boyfriend/girlfriend situation arises). We had a big house with a spare room but a three bedroom is ok with modest (but fairly similar sized) bedrooms and a second reception room. Even now in my new home we have a large open plan and separate lounge, they don't even live with me full time

We have just upsized in order to accommodate growing children. We think it's important for teens to have their own space and we also want our living space to be big enough that they can invite their mates round.

I would not downsize as teenagers need more space than younger children. They need room for desk/studying and most physically need a double bed instead of a single. In addition living with teenagers can start to feel crowded- ie they invite friends over for dinner and monopolise the kitchen and garden for the entire evening...so we embarrassing frumpy parents are banished to ? Our sitting room upstairs. You need the space for your sanity as well.

I do think moving to where you are in catchment for a better school is a good idea. But I’d just do everything I could to pay the higher housing cost rather than downsize for that age.

We've gone the other way - moved to a bigger house so the kids can have their own TV room and we have a few more toilets and an extra shower.

I can't imagine downsizing at this point - and my kids are 11 and 9.

Thinking further ahead. It may be sometime before your dc are able to get on the housing ladder themselves so they could still be living with you ( at least part of the time) when they are in their 20s. You may want to have rooms big enough to accommodate a double bed and a desk. If possible it’s good to have a separate sitting area for them too

In my situation we needed a larger house once DD started Secondary, as she always had her friends in tow.This continued into college, with the groups getting bigger and even now she is working, I have her colleagues staying over or hanging around.She regularly takes over the garden, dining room etc.

I think there are ways you can claw back the increased property prices where you want to move to. Not detached, smaller garden, lose the 5th bedroom but I'd definitely look for somewhere that gives them a double bedroom each, an extra bathroom and some discrete living space. We have a 3 (small) double bed semi with 2 bathrooms, a large kitchen diner and 2 other reception rooms. We looked at a few 1960s originally 3 bed semis extended over and/or into an attached garage.

Internal requirements in our house: study space and music practice space. The latter caused problems at times over lockdown (particularly with music lessons online!).

External - access to places to walk run and cycle - one of ours in particular goes a bit crazy if she can't get out every so often.

We're also in a 5 bed detached but one study and one main living area. If I ever moved I'd accept 4 beds but want a minimum of 3 separable downstairs spaces.

I was brought up in a 1950's three bed semi and yes, the third bedroom was a box room. It was a tight squeeze and and it wasn't even a 'small' box room, some are properly minute. In your twins' position (luckily I was a G/G and shared friends with DSis, who had the bigger room) I couldn't have friends round as the living room was Mum's domain, Dad was on the pc in the dining room and the kitchen wasn't big enough.

Also a point to consider is if either of you will be in a position to WFH in your desired careers, in which case another bedroom, even a tiny one, would be invaluable.

Unless you want to drive and pick up your teens forever don't go rural!!

Teens need their space as
They never go to bed
Spend a lot of time in their bedrooms
Take showers for an eternity especially when you really need it

Toilets you'll need two showers ditto

Have friends over

Did I say they never go to bed?? 😂

Apart from schools I would say we downsized at DS aged 13 ( so a bit older than yours ) He has a big enough bedroom to retire to. We have 1 spare bedroom ( now being used for WFH ) but we have enough room to put up 1 or two friends overnight if one is not too fussy about an IKEA Hemnes bed / mattress on the floor between them.

In my experience ( and there are others ) DS is much happier in a smaller house but walking - easy public transport to see friends etc. Other friends have gone the other way & bought bought much bigger houses but in a less town / city environment but then some have bought a cheap car for older teenagers to get about.

So I would say one decent sized bedroom per DC & then we found one living room for all 3 of us was OK but we have a kitchen big enough for a good sized table ( this for 1 DC got taken over during revision , but a desk in the bedrooms would work as well. ) Garden matters not a jot to DS but we have two parks nearby. Also we have one bathroom & one shower room - this helps but plenty of people manage without.

Just my two penny worth - we downsized to get more central to things and I haven't regretted it ) Then again I know someone who bought somewhere big enough for a tennis court for DCs and they used it a lot.

All best - I think it is one of those questions for which there is no right answer - just how you think you will live & compromises you are happy to make

You will get people saying life is Absolutely Intolerable without multiple reception rooms, bathrooms etc but actually many families manage in 3 bedroom houses.

We moved to a 3 bed suburban house (30s style) when DC were 11 and 13 to get near a good secondary. The key is flexible spaces, and we found the traditional house better than new builds. It has a reasonably good conservatory that has an extra TV and also became a home office, lounge can be closed off for privacy or opened up for social occasions, and also we have put in a garden office. The children don't have friends over very much, and tend to socialise online and we somehow manage with only one bathroom and a much more minimal kitchen than the last big house. To be honest, elderly parents are more likely to cause us to try and add a downstairs cloakroom.

It won't be that big house lifestyle where there's always a guest-ready spare room and crowds of teenagers can hang out in a dedicated den, but you know it takes 5 minutes to run the hoover round and its in a perfect location for amenities. You takes your choice, basically.