Cold feet about moving/very sad :(

[Gson]

Hi all,

Sorry this is the longest post ever and I’m going to sound like an ungrateful brat!

We’re finally moving out of our flat, which we’ve only been in a year. The flat looks great, but in practice it’s been very cheaply put together and things have been constantly breaking. My landlady is lovely but lives in Japan, so really doesn’t bother with it, to be honest. When we moved in, there was so much that needed fixing so she sent someone out who did a few of the jobs, but he never came back to fix all the outstanding jobs (dishwasher door doesn’t open fully, windows don’t open in the bedroom etc etc). We have had mice and paid £300 for pest control, only for them to come back again a few months later. We have had such problems with constant noise from neighbours, loud telly from next door, loud sex at 3am from upstairs, parties (all I can hear is boom boom boom from the music upstairs as I type). It’a been really one problem after another! We have a lovely garden, which is huge (for London) but I don’t like sitting out there as the man next door sits out there when it’s sunny too and puts his radio on sooo loud + I have about 10 different flats looking into me. It’s just not the easy peaceful flat that I would have wanted.

We’ve found a lovely new flat (actually, it’s a mini house!) and it’s really something special. We’ve signed for 18 months initially on a contract (rented) because the landlord would only want long term tenants. They pushed for 2 years but I’m hoping we can buy by then so 18 months was our compromise. It’s lovely and quiet, with a little courtyard and on a very leafy, quiet road in SW London - so we are extremely lucky.

However, I am in BITS about moving. When we went to go see the flat, I did love it. We went to see it twice and the first time we thought it was on for too much considering it’s not perfect (no bath, just shower, tiny courtyard etc). But then it came down in price, so we thought we’d go for it as it’s so quiet, more space, really high spec with loads of character. Partner LOVES it and I do too..but, I just feel weirdly sad about leaving this place. I don’t know if it’s after the year we’ve all had. I’ve spent most of my time here WFH, really made it homely etc. I’m just feeling so low about it all, and just a humming anxiety feeling. Haven’t been feeling great for months and I think the move is tipping me into a bit of a hole :(

Also we had some drama with the agents being idiots and telling us false info (like it’s pet friendly, you can hang art on the walls etc) but when we got the contract through - after we paid our massive deposit, it said no pets, no pictures on the walls, NO CANDLES (!?!) and it’s just all feeling a bit cold and clinical. We have been planning on a small dog next year, so we’ve had to up our offer by £50 pcm more to be ‘allowed’ to get one. Plus a special kind of insurance for pet damage. I think reading the contract made it all very real and not ‘homey’. It’s a lot more strict than our contract now + landlord lives on the same road so I don’t want him spying on us all the time.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? I’m really hoping when I get there and fluff it up and make it ours, that I will feel better. I just keep sobbing at the moment!

Sorry for the length of this, I need to get this off my chest! Everyone is so happy for us and I can’t moan to anyone I know, they’ll just think I’m crackers.

At one point I was hoping it would all fall through and I could just stay here, in my damp, tiny, mouldy flat. What is wrong with me!?!?

There is nothing wrong with you. Change is scary! I'm just about to sell my home if 9 years to go to temporary accommodation waiting for our next house purchase to complete. We want to move because we've been here so long, we want a change of location, more space, bigger garden etc- yet I'm heartbroken to be leaving our home! I think it's always hard to deal with change. Hopefully when we've both moved we will both be happy, but the idea of giving up what we have and going to something as yet unknown is just unsettling. Wishing you happiness in your new house.

@tinselvestsparklepants as much as I don’t like to hear that anyone is upset, it is comforting to know that we’re in the same boat. Best of luck with your house move, and I hope you feel settled soon.

Thank you. And I you. I think if we are nesters, as I know I am, anything to do with moving house is hard!

Practically, no candles is a common clause in a tenancy agreement, no insurer would cover a landlord that allowed candles.

There are some very nifty battery operated candles available, from tealight size to big pillars, do have a google. Some have a wax outer and appear 'melted' Some have timers and different modes, others are LED lit.

Your little courtyard sounds like a magical place, I'm sure it will be inviting and unique when you style it to suit yourselves. Consider hanging an illusion mirror in there to make it look bigger if you like that sort of thing.

The move to the new place sounds a good plan. Think it just sounds like stress from the work involved in moving and the transition.

Maybe the landlord is fussy because they want to keep their property up to a high standard. That's better than in need of various repairs! A mini house sounds lovely.

Thanks all, you’re all making me feel a little more positive. I think once we get past Christmas, I can start focusing on the mammoth task of packing and sorting and then maybe I will start to feel a bit more excited. Maybe it’s just this limbo period unsettling me!

I know the feeling! We have been in our new house for a week today, and wow it was hard (and still is).
We lived in a smaller house (didn’t own it) for 7 years, it was dated and falling to pieces. When we lived there, all I ever felt I was doing was trying to make it feel more homely (and trying to figure out how to increase storage).
We had dc2 whilst living there too, so lots of memories.
When we saw this house, I loved it, nicer area, bigger house, closer to family.
However, as soon as we received the keys, I regretted the decision, I hated that we got the house. We spent about a month redecorating (whilst staying in other house), and I used to love going back ‘home’ after a few hours in the ‘new house’.
Letting my neighbours know was even harder, and I still don’t feel home.
DD (4 yrs) has also struggled so that’s added to my anxiety and uneasiness.
Sorry about the long post, but I felt very strange not wanting to move, after not really liking the house we lived in

I hope your move goes well, and you love your new home

I felt sad and cried every time I moved house. I think it is partly the feeling of leaving behind the memories of living there. You remember a lot but some become distant. That and the fact that you had some good times there. A lot of emotion of finding somewhere new and decluttering, packing up before you actually move that on top of this strange year we have had. You will find new places in the new year to walk, have a coffee, lunch meet with friends eventually. Good luck with your move.

Oh I can totally understand, but your new place sounds lovely! It's the thought of all that upheaval, isn't it?
We've been here 26 years, the first 2/3 of that were lovely but it's become gradually more horrible, and very horrible this year with all the noise, the walkers and their dogs, our quiet little haven on any day of the week is now like Centre Parks, so we really want to move. It's the thought of sifting through 26 years of detritus.....

I hope your new home is even more lovely than you think it'll be.

I was gutted to move from my home of 10 years to my new home.

The old home was cramped and in a bit of a dodgy area.
The new home was roomy, desirable area.

I had so many memories attached to my previous home, DC growing up there, beloved pets.

I was so sad to move and she'd a few tears. Even four years on I still miss the old place, but deep down I know the new home is right for us now and I know I'd be equally gutted to leave here as this is now home. I'm sure it will be the same for you.

Shed (predictive text!)

I had to leave my home of eight years and I miss it still (eight years later). It was haunted!

We sold and moved out of our home in July, we'd been there 8 years and had completely refurbished it from a wreck.
I had a bit of a meltdown last week when our buyers posted there website, they are using our house as a photograph studio/location.
It still looked like our home, as if we'd had a massive tidy up and gone out for a bit, it was heart wrenching, you have so many memories tied up in your home.
It was the right decision for us to move and we are having a new adventure in Canada but it still made me have a bit of a cry 😢

Thanks so much all! It is so comforting to know that there are others that are/have been in the same boat. Thanks for taking the time to message, it is really helping

I think the moving process just zaps any joy completely.

@Snowball2020 I completely get the whole not liking the house you live in, but not wanting to move either - it’s exactly how I feel! I just don’t understand why I can’t get excited about leaving the house that I’ve moaned about and that has had me in tears with frustration at times! I hope you and your DD settle down soon and start making some lovely memories in your new house

So normal. The bit where you get the contracts through is always horrible and deflating. The list of defects in your current flat would have driven me to distraction (particularly the neighbour noise!) and it's been such a tough year for everyone - everyone I know seems utterly exhausted, even without moving house. The new place sounds so much better, but it's normal to be anxious about moving and the various practical and admin hurdles ahead before you can settle in.

Your new place sounds perfect! Just the noise at your current place would upset me. Even though your landlord lives close by he cant just pop by. It's been a difficult year and now you are moving.

I've moved so much in my life but I thought leaving behind my first owned house would be a wrench and I was upset. But then I wasnt.

I hope you love your new home

Thanks again all. I really do appreciate the time people have taken to reply, you have really calmed me down - I thought I was going crazy, I was totally beside myself last week! I have even managed to eat properly today (since we signed the contract, I totally lost my appetite - which is so stupid but always happens when I’m anxious or upset).

Does anyone not have a bathtub in their home? And if so, how do you do without a one? That’s one thing I am going to really miss when we get to the next place.

We have one but never use it. All that sitting about in dirty water, a shower is more hygienic.

Once all your stuff is out of it you’ll realise that it’s your possessions and the way you arrange them that makes it your home.

The new place will be just as much yours.

@Gson thank you ❤️

Hoping your move goes smoothly.
We don’t seem to ever use the bathtubs (old house and here too), only when kids were babies (to put baby bath in the bigger bath 😂).

In our last house we spent quite a lot of money on a statement freestanding egg type bath, I honestly never used it, it was too big and needed so much water.
I had a bath today, first time in ages, I could happily live without a bath, but they are good if you have children.