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Original poster

Three adults sharing one bathroom?

56 replies

sarahb083 · 09/12/2020 10:27

Hi, DH and I are expecting our first in Feb. My mum is moving back to the UK from abroad and will be staying with us to help with the baby. We have a 3 bedroom / 1 bath house, and are waiting for planning permission for an extension containing a bedroom and ensuite. We're undecided as to whether we should start building the extension as soon as we get planning, to minimise the time spent having to all share a bathroom. On the other hand, though, building works with an infant seem like an unnecessary stress. Either way, we'll all be sharing one bathroom for at least a few months. Anyone have experience with three adults sharing a bathroom? How bad is it? Any tips for minimising stress/inconvenience?

OP posts:
UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2020 13:07

I must say though the potential problem lies in having your mother move in at this specific time of your life as a new family - are you completely sure you aren't distracting yourself from wider worries by focussing on the bathroom?

My parents effectively emotionally blackmailed me into having my mother move in - also from abroad - after my dc2 was born, because she wanted to help. The key, looking back, is that it was all about what she wanted. To be blunt it was an utter nightmare - she was obviously relishing the chance for newborn cuddles and to boss me around in equal measure. She established herself in my breastfeeding chair and had to be forced to return my (breastfed) newborn to me occassionally - before she arrived I'd been carrying him in a wrap carrier which he and I had been completely content with, and I hated veing separated. She didn't lift a finger and clearly felt she'd come to hold the newborn and dispense advice/ commands. She expected me to do a deep clean of the house "whilst she was there to hold the baby" and was scathing and dismissive of the fact it was less than a week since my caesarean section and the fact I wantedmy newborn with me, and hadn't had a baby out of a perverse desire to hand him off and do housework. She largely ignored my dc1, who was a toddler.

TBH I still haven't forgiven her for making my first weeks with dc2 such a miserable time and a fraught memory.

OverTheRubicon · 09/12/2020 13:11

@IntermittentParps

Does half this website live in some sort of multi bathroomed, en suite ridden lap of luxury? How can "can three adults share a bathroom" be a question that needs answering?

I know! I share with two other adults (DP and the current in a small succession of lodgers). It doesn't occur to me that it might be an issue.

It's true. Terrifyingly, I've shared with 4 adults in the past. We didn't even have our own fridges, nor entrance doors. We may, however, all have had our own tellies, just to really shock MN.

You'll be fine.

Aposterhasnoname · 09/12/2020 13:12

Good god in heaven when I was a kid we had me and my sister, my mum and dad, uncle and aunt, grandma and great grandma in a three bed, one bath house, and I’m only in my early fifties, hardly ancient.

I’m sure you’ll manage just fine.

VanillaSpiceCandle · 09/12/2020 13:13

I think 3 people will be fine! And I’d rather wait until the baby was a bit older until you start having building works. It’s not essential works either so I’d rather delay it a little as we’re still in really uncertain times and I’d hate to be left with a half built house if work is stopped.

lynsey91 · 09/12/2020 13:21

I sometimes think lots of mumsnetters live a different world to me.

I grew up with 2 sisters in a 2 bed council house. I didn't leave home until I was early 20's so there was my 2 parents and myself and 2 siblings all sharing 1 bathroom.

When I was first married we rented a flat (well it was only 2 rooms) in a large house which only had 1 bathroom so there were, I think, 6 flats sharing it. I can't remember exactly as it was a long time ago. Each flat had 2 people in it so 12 of us sharing a toilet and bath!

I certainly would not want that now but then I never thought about it

movingonup20 · 09/12/2020 13:31

We managed 4 adults 2 bathroom plus downstairs loo. Just not an issue

movingonup20 · 09/12/2020 13:35

@WelliesWithHeels

My grandparents managed with an outside loo, tin bath and 3 kids (inside bathroom was fitted by the time my mum was born). As far as I'm aware period cramps and food poisoning existed then too. Yes an extra bathroom would be nice but I wouldn't do a major building project with a baby or toddler for a luxury!

lynsey91 · 09/12/2020 13:41

[quote movingonup20]@WelliesWithHeels

My grandparents managed with an outside loo, tin bath and 3 kids (inside bathroom was fitted by the time my mum was born). As far as I'm aware period cramps and food poisoning existed then too. Yes an extra bathroom would be nice but I wouldn't do a major building project with a baby or toddler for a luxury![/quote]
Oh yes, totally forgot about my grandparents' house. Only an outside toilet and a sink in the kitchen (no bath).

My dad grew up with 2 brothers there and when the eldest brother got married his wife moved in. So 6 grown ups sharing just an outside toilet. Can you imagine today's generation having to do that?

Summerstorms · 09/12/2020 13:47

Does half this website live in some sort of multi bathroomed, en suite ridden lap of luxury? How can "can three adults share a bathroom" be a question that needs answering?

Are you new round these parts? If so the answer is yes, yes they do and they have no idea about the realities of other peoples lives

thegcatsmother · 09/12/2020 14:32

It's not an issue. In our last rental abroad we had three adults and three bathrooms (though dh and I shared an en suite), plus a downstairs loo. Now back home, the three of us (ds is an adult) share one bathroom, but we have two separate loos; and no toilet in the bathroom.

Original poster
sarahb083 · 09/12/2020 14:42

Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions. Of course it's possible for lots of adults to share a bathroom! It's also possible for entire families to share one bedroom, that doesn't mean it's pleasant.

I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons of building work with an infant vs three adults sharing one toilet. I've heard postpartum can be quite a.. leaky.. time, so I'm a bit worried about having bathroom access. My mum also wakes up at night to use the bathroom, and she is feeling anxious about disturbing us when she flushes the toilet.

Thanks for everyone who shared tips on how to manage bathroom access!

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahb083 · 09/12/2020 14:48

My dad grew up with 2 brothers there and when the eldest brother got married his wife moved in. So 6 grown ups sharing just an outside toilet. Can you imagine today's generation having to do that?

Grin the "times were so tough back in the day" posts that always appear on MN are so strange. Isn't in a good thing that living standards have improved so much for us peasants? People manage with whatever they're given, so today's generation would have survived just fine like all of the generations before them did. I'm sure older generations would have loved the luxuries we have today. No need to shame people for being born when they were.

OP posts:
HaggieMaggie · 09/12/2020 14:51

We had two bathrooms but all four of us shared one, it was the preferred bathroom.

This is really a third world problem, I know loads bigger families sharing a single bathroom.

MedusasBadHairDay · 09/12/2020 14:55

@Summerstorms

Does half this website live in some sort of multi bathroomed, en suite ridden lap of luxury? How can "can three adults share a bathroom" be a question that needs answering?

Are you new round these parts? If so the answer is yes, yes they do and they have no idea about the realities of other peoples lives

It's bonkers, reminds me of a conversation years ago, the person I was speaking to looked at me like I'd grown a couple of extra heads when I told them we didn't have a spare room.

Growing up I didn't know anyone with a spare room, didn't realise that anyone would find that so shocking.

Chumleymouse · 09/12/2020 15:00

I sleep like a corpse, so someone flushing the toilet is not got to bother me. I think someone could take a dump on me in the middle of the night and I wouldn’t wake up 💩

lynsey91 · 09/12/2020 15:12

@sarahb083

My dad grew up with 2 brothers there and when the eldest brother got married his wife moved in. So 6 grown ups sharing just an outside toilet. Can you imagine today's generation having to do that?

Grin the "times were so tough back in the day" posts that always appear on MN are so strange. Isn't in a good thing that living standards have improved so much for us peasants? People manage with whatever they're given, so today's generation would have survived just fine like all of the generations before them did. I'm sure older generations would have loved the luxuries we have today. No need to shame people for being born when they were.

Yes living standards have improved and that is great but you are the one asking if 3 adults can share a bathroom! Of course they can and do and you know that.

Most of today's generation would never cope with things they way they were. If they had to use an outside toilet which meant a walk down the garden in the cold, rain, snow etc they would have a fit and never stop moaning about it.

Just look at how many posters think children can't share a bedroom. We have turned into a pathetic and entitled nation

Original poster
sarahb083 · 09/12/2020 15:19

I expect the WW1 generation considered the baby boomers a 'pathetic and entitled nation' for expecting things like indoor plumbing and telephones in their homes, which are now considered essentials. Standards improve and people get used to them. Every generation probably thinks that generations after them are soft and entitled.

OP posts:
Original poster
sarahb083 · 09/12/2020 15:22

I grew up in a trailer park in the US. Our trailer had 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. I've never shared a bathroom with my mum - it's not a class issues. For me, two bathrooms is standard. I just wanted tips on managing sharing a bathroom and insight into whether building works would be more disruptive than sharing a bathroom!

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 09/12/2020 16:03

Of course building works are going to be more disruptive than sharing a bathroom!

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 09/12/2020 16:25

@jomaIone

Bloody hell how often have people got an upset stomach??
Not very often, but if you have 6 people using one bathroom and one of them have to be in there every 10 minutes the logistics can be difficult. Other than that, it's fine to share.
daisypond · 09/12/2020 18:34

@sarahb083

I grew up in a trailer park in the US. Our trailer had 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. I've never shared a bathroom with my mum - it's not a class issues. For me, two bathrooms is standard. I just wanted tips on managing sharing a bathroom and insight into whether building works would be more disruptive than sharing a bathroom!
Perhaps if you’d said that at the start you might have got different responses. To be honest, I don’t know anyone who has two bathrooms or loos.
JacobReesMogadishu · 09/12/2020 18:39

Three adults here sharing one bathroom. Not an issue. Yes, sometimes people are banging on the door shouting get out the shower, I need a wee urgently but not often. We do have an outside loo which works and could be used in an emergency but it’s not often it’s needed and to be honest the times I have used it it’s not because the upstairs bathroom is busy....but just because it’s closer and I have a weak bladder!

RaininSummer · 09/12/2020 18:49

I don't really understand why this is question. I didn't realise sharing a bathroom wasnt a thing. I only have one bathroom so when i have lodger we all share.

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/12/2020 23:41

@sarahb083

Thanks for all of the helpful suggestions. Of course it's possible for lots of adults to share a bathroom! It's also possible for entire families to share one bedroom, that doesn't mean it's pleasant.

I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons of building work with an infant vs three adults sharing one toilet. I've heard postpartum can be quite a.. leaky.. time, so I'm a bit worried about having bathroom access. My mum also wakes up at night to use the bathroom, and she is feeling anxious about disturbing us when she flushes the toilet.

Thanks for everyone who shared tips on how to manage bathroom access!

I think you need to remember your mum should be coming to help YOU. So if you genuinely would feel too stressed out having here there during the PP bleeding then ask her to delay her trip for a bit. It can be messy but worse than that, if you have a difficult delivery, even pooing and peeing can become a bit messy — I was doing both in my walk in shower for a while (midwife’s advice) as I couldn’t sit down. DH would then clean up. Mum was around but totally banned from my bedroom and bathroom because she would have made the blown the whole thing out of proportion.
ozymandiusking · 09/12/2020 23:44

I think it would be better to start your extention asap whilst the baby is maily in one place. ie where you put him.