Please advise...we have now lost 7 houses and I dont know what to do

[Longheath8]

Hi everyone. I could really do with some advice. In the last year, we have put offers in on 7 houses and nothing has come of any of them. We pulled out of the first two. Firstly, due to the vendors not being able to find something and then because of a huge number of issues that emerged with a second house. I loved that house but it was already an expensive house that needed about 100k worth of work (we had architects in to give us an idea) so, in the end, it seemed like too much of a financial risk once these other issues emerged.

Since then, we have lost out to renters, to cash buyers, we were gazumped, we lost out on a best and final offer where we offered 30k more than asking price, our original offer was rejected when the house we were gazumped on fell through and then our buyers pulled out 2 hours after we made an offer on another house. We have now had 3 buyers and our most recent set (first time buyers) are starting to chase us.

We have found a house in our second choice area (3 houses have come up in our top choice area in the last year. We tried to get all three). We put an offer in 35k under asking price last week. They eventually accepted an offer 25k under asking price. It ticks lots of boxes: the room sizes are really good and we could move in and do nothing for a while. It has new bathrooms and a new kitchen. It also has the potential to be better in time. No space for any big extensions but some rejigging of the inside space would make a much better family home.

But the garden is really not what I hoped for and feels like a big, big compromise, especially for the money. There is also the added concern of schools. There is no space in any of the primaries so it would be a waiting list situation for our eldest who has just started (there is another story there...we tried so hard to move in 2018, 18 months before primary applications but had to have some major building works done after a young man made a very silly mistake and accidentally started a fire. Hugely traumatic for everyone, not least him (it was a genuine mistake) and the repercussions for both his life and ours have been horrific). However, we are not allowed to visit any of the schools in this new area and the ofsteds are so old (2013) they are not hugely helpful. The secondary is a big pull and is part of the reason why the prices are silly. To make it more complicated, her current primary is lovely and she has settled in beautifully but our current local secondary is notoriously bad (special measures, awful local reputation) and has been for a long, long time. I know we don't need secondaries for ages but this is a move we ideally only want to do once.

There is nothing else on the market other than massive projects and, after the stress of the last year with lockdown with 2 preschoolers, a husband working longer hours than normal, trying to work from home myself, a very close and sudden family bereavement, not being able to see my family while we are grieving, including my mum who is very vulnerable and all this house stuff, I do not think my mental health or my marriage will cope with a project.

We have no idea if we should just go with this house and accept the big compromise of the garden. We live in an expensive area but, still, I cannot quite believe we are being asked to pay this amount. I feel like money has lost its value. It's like monopoly money.

To further add to this, I found out after we made our offer last week that it was valued for 50k less by another estate agent and I found out today by looking on the right move sold pages that the house next door which has a double garage conversion and a separate single garage sold for £55,000 less this July. Three months ago! Interestingly, this house was sold to an estate agent so maybe they get them for less but £55k less (and that was with our cheeky offer of 25k under asking price) for the exact same house but with even more space due to an extension seems obscene to me. I also found out that the estate agent who showed me round the first time I viewed it knows the family very well. I just can't help feeling like we are overpaying for a house (well, a garden) that is already a compromise.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can face selling my house again. Keeping our tiny house clean enough for viewings is exhausting with two such small children. I know the market is starting to dry up. This house had no chain so we could be in by Christmas. We do not fit in our current house any more. We could keep our daughter in her current primary for now (although that causes all kinds of problems when our second starts in a few years). And I want to live again and have the time and the energy to be a better mum and to get my own head in a better place. The space inside the house is great. Really great. Lovely area. The shortest commutes we can have without being in the city. A lot less money than 5 of the 7 houses we tried to buy.

I know there is so much information there...my own head is swimming constantly with it all and I've had time to process it...but I would be so grateful for someone to give me some very objective advice. I'm feeling pretty desperate and battered right now by the whole process.

Its natural to have many rejections when looking for a property - its like dating or job applications. There's like 20 registered buyers for every property listed at an agent, so its going to take some time and lots of offers.

If you replace "men" or "job applications" in your article, then you wouldn't compromise on your standards or requirements after 7 rejections right? That wouldn't be the right thing to do for something so fundamental to your long term happiness and success.

It is frustrating when you're trying to juggle selling yours at the same time too, and being in a chain. For my last sell-and-buy, I decided to break the cycle and just sell - extracting a good offer - and went into rental for just over a year. That took a huge weight off my shoulders - when life was busy I could drop house viewings and house hunting, and there was never any pressure to compromise or overpay. Now I'm in my dream home. It did take 1.5 years from when I started looking till when I completed on it, but its now a place I can stay for the next 10+ years at least.

We got stressed and decided to sell and go into rental for a bit and see you the first few months of next year look economically. We are seeing it as a brief pause in home ownership. I really struggled with the viewing and house cleaning, being on top of the washing and hiding things in the cars.

I would go for it if the new house is chain free and location sounds great. Re the schools, secondary school is so important. If you can keep your older child in her current school for now do. When you apply for hire younger one your older child would go to top of waiting list for younger child’s school and from year 3 onwards (no infant size rules) new school for younger would likely take the older child even if full. I think every house has a compromise so if it is a garden age you can live with that so be it.

Presumably it is the size of the garden that is the issue? What specifically do you want from the garden that it doesn't provide. I'm trying to think practically about what you need from your garden head answer rather than as a general "it's too small" heart answer if that makes sense.

Is there a lot of green space very close by? Can it fit some
Basic play equipment and a paddle pool?

Not saying you should necessarily accept the smaller garden, but just think about why you see it as too small And whether it can still fulfil your needs even if it's not what you had in your dream home vision..

I would probably go ahead and buy it.

Your first choice area, you haven't had any offers accepted, and only 3 properties came up in the last year. So a low chance that you will be able to buy a house there in the near future, and if you do it will probably also be a compromise house.

Second choice area, the primary schools are full. So you need to decide whether to rule that area out (and wait for a house in first choice area, or choose a new second choice area with school places and hope they are still vacant when you have bought), or go ahead and be on waiting lists and travel to a further away school.

How much movement amongst primary school families do you expect there to be - is it the kind of place people move to and stay put? Or where some people may be moving in and out of the area?

You say garden too small. I think most house purchases have a compromise point. How important is the garden to your everyday happiness? What do you want to do with the garden that it is too small for? Do you need a larger space for a specific purpose e.g. play equipment, growing veg, future extension? And can you achieve that in a different way? Or is it a vague sense that the garden 'should' be bigger? If the latter, I'd not back out for that reason. If you need more space for a specific purpose, that is difficult - if you back out of this purchase, probably the next house you get will also have a compromise point.

The price - the Seller rejected your offer of 35k less, so you wouldn't get it for the 55k less the estate agent paid to buy the neighbour's house. There may be other factors that led the agent to get an unusually low price. Or maybe your Seller is insisting on a particularly high price. Who knows. If you plan to stay in the house, I'd actually not think toooo much about the price. I divided the amount we paid over the asking price to secure a house over the years we plan to stay there, and the difference is negligible.

If you do decide to back out of this one, I'd probably resolve to stay put for at least a year, until something changes, rather than keep slogging away trying to find somewhere now. It sounds exhausting and like it is really affecting your wellbeing. More energy for a 'project', the market changing, bigger budget, your child being older (as in later years the school is more likely to have places once people have moved away).

How small is the garden & how big is the house? There needs to be some proportion.

Why are you moving now? You must have about 5-6 years until your eldest moves to secondary school - is that right? Your life sounds so full and busy already that I’d be tempted to leave it for a couple of years.

Is it the waived stamp duty that is tempting you to move now, or any other reason?

And I what happened with the fire? Yikes!

I find it helpful to play the "if it had" game.
"If it had a larger garden, it would be £50k more and have a bidding war that I might not win. "
If your nerves are because it's a huge amount of money and there's still so much to sort out (sale, schools etc.), then this is to be expected.
If your nerves are because the garden doesn't match the house in some way, then do think carefully.
I do hear you on the monopoly money front though!!

If it is not right then I wouldn't go ahead. There will be others in the New Year and I think house prices will fall.

Thank you so much for replying everyone.

We are moving now because we do not fit in our house anymore. We are literally spilling out of this house. Our garage is currently floor to ceiling full of our books because our son needed a room so we had to get rid of our study. It is tired...we have been here ten years now and, if we were staying, would start going going again redecorating etc. And, in some ways, we have mentally checked out of this house. The stamp duty definitely helps but we started trying to move well over a year ago, way before covid so that isn't a factor at all. A bonus but not something that is part of our decision.

I also wonder if we should stay put for a year or so but my husband is adament we should do it now. And the thought of doing this whole process again feels so daunting.

There aren't school spaces in our first choice place either. Wherever we move will involve putting her on a waiting list. Distance wise its about ten minutes away so definitely doable to drive her. If we had just her, I would be very tempted to keep her where she is. But we have younger children and, if we move and they are oversubscribed, we would not be close enough for the sibling rule to count. It is only taken into consideration consideration if you are 1.5 miles away from the school.

Thank you again for replying. I feel so alone with this huge decision. Me and my husband both feel lost really but any time we try and talk, we end up disagreeing. He is keen just to get it done. He says it doesn't have to be forever. And it is a very good house.

The one we pulled out of was going to be our forever dream home. My husband is keen to get a renovation project now we are in a rental.

Just remember this decision does not have to be forever, just somewhere you can be happy for now and in the short to medium term.

Good luck

OK, that makes sense.

So tell us about the garden — what’s not great about it? Maybe we can think of ways to help you love it?

You sound in desperate need of a fresh start, OP. I say go for it and allow yourself to start healing in your new space.

I say go for it too, there is always a compromise and I'd much rather compromise on garden than location. It does not have to be forever, if you want to move a few years down the line if you find it isn't working then you can, there's no rules against it. I'd try to move to this house and if it doesn't work maybe stay put and try again further down the line.

I honestly think if the garden is the only compromise, I'd say go for it. As PP said you sound desperate for a new start and you've listed a lot of positives about this house and why you need to move.

Go for it and enjoy your new home