Feeling very anxious other neighbours reaction to our extension plans

[AgathaQuiztee]

Hello
I suffer from anxiety and this is particularly related to a fear of upsetting other people.
DH and I are planning a single story extension to the side and rear of our property. It falls onto permitted development.
We have neighbours to the side of where we would like to extend. We are both end terrace properties with about 3 metres to the side of each house. Our front doors currently are situated on the side of the house. Our neighbours mainly use their back door which is further down the side of the house.
They like to park their car up the side near the back of the house. This has caused damage to paving slabs down our side of the boundary as occasionally they drive over them.
Most of the time we get in very well. We have never complained to them about anything despite the damage to our paving slabs.
We both used to have 2 dogs. They used to complain a lot about the dogs barking (it was both theirs and ours). We now only have one dog and it's mostly their dogs that bark now.
We have always tried to be conscientious and considerate neighbours. We told them we were applying for planning permission. We got the impression they were not very happy although they never said anything outright.
Today I stupidly looked online at the planning info and saw a lengthy objection from them. Saying it would reduce their light (the only window it overlooks is a small frosted window). There'll be noise and it will disrupt their dogs, they'll feel enclosed among other things.
Before we told them our plans they said they were considering building a wall along the boundary.
We really need this space for our family and can't afford to move.
Any confrontation causes high levels of anxiety for me and having read their objections I'm nearly in tears. At no point have they come and spoken to us about any concerns they have.
As it's permitted development I think the place will be approved. But I'm already feeling anxious about what will happen when we start to extend.
I feel like an awful person for upsetting them but if we don't extend it will negatively impact on our family.

I think you’re being a bit unfair to them. There is a set process when it comes to objecting to planning and they have followed it. I don’t see how making it personal, you all talking face to face, emoting about it and then you ultimately ignoring them would help, in fact it would probably make it worse. Be glad that they are being business like and doing things by the book not ranting at you in the street etc.

Look they entitled to their opinion and to object. That’s fine. They maybe quote level and calm about it or it could be quite emotive for them. Do you think it will cause a fall out? If so a move could be preferred.

Could always do the extension and see how it goes. Most people get over and used to things. You can always remain polite and warm throughout

Thank you for all your replies. They have helped me put it into perspective. I know my view of things is often coloured by my anxiety which I take anti depressants for and have had counselling. As I get older it seems to be getting worse which is frustrating.
I am going to try and be less emotional about it. As some people have said they're entitled to not want it and to object. I'm going to try not to take it personally.
DH and I are looking at a range of options, we need to consider the cost and if it's a good use of a lot of money. We are also exploring moving as well as having a smaller extension which would cost less and have less impact on the neighbours.
Thank you all you were all a real help when I could feel my anxiety spiralling.

Hi OP, just to say we've recently extended and while it was the right choice for us, we could have bought a larger home for the money spent.

It's not a cheap solution, and unless there's a very specific reason why this house extended is better than another bigger house, it's really worth doing your research too see if moving is the easier option.

Good luck! x

They are entitled to object they are entitled to comment and the council will only take note of specific things you can comment on, disturbing their dogs is a ridiculous thing to list.

Dh and I love reading comments on planning applications, especially from a group of 40 houses that were built 2 years ago objecting to the extension of the estate they are on! Great quotes like "we don't need any more newbuilds". I wonder if they read any of the comments about their houses being built by the people whose houses were built in the 1950s and lived next to farm land

Here is a really good description of what they take into consideration for planning, this is from Cheshire East Council here

You are intending on building a single storey side and rear extension. None of the things they have listed will be taken into consideration. The right to light is a totally different thing, so their frosted window isn't a consideration.

I would also get some counselling for your anxiety. At the end of the day they are your neighbours, their feelings shouldn't dictate what you are legally entitled to do, which is build an extension.

You could look into moving to see what else is available and to see if that will suit your needs better.

You can’t please everyone. Everyone hates building work, the noise and disruption. Plus the nice new, extension when it’s completed. I think there’s an element of envy involved, they would probably love to have the same work done too.

We live by someone who chooses to do nothing to their house, they complain about everything we have had done. New windows, fencing, decking, gates, boiler, simple things really. They’ve told us if we ever extend they will object, even though they know they won’t be able to stop the work going through. You’ll have to learn to let it go, as your anxiety seems particularly high I’d also suggest seeing your G.P.

It is not normal to object just because someone disturb your peace.
for god sake their neighbour told them they will build a wall out of spite.
OP surprised by their reaction, she told them about the project(early stage).
legally, neighbours have the right to object, but really objecting just because you are allowed to do so!!

It's not personal. None of their issues will effect the decision.

It doesnt mean you will fall out. Most likely it's the chance to have a grumble, and they'll accept the outcome.

Building work close by is a total pain in the arse. You are not being realistic if you hoped they'd be happy for you, or even neutral. Everyone hates neighbour's building work. Noise, dust and dirt. It doesn't mean they hate you.

I've just moved mainly because permission was just granted to house next door and house opposite for extensions. I rent. Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I moved, doesnt mean I didn't like my neighbours.