Don't enjoy where I live but terrified to move

[sdra]

Anyone else been in this hopeless situation? Lived here for 7 years. No obvious other place to relocate to so we have a number of options all quite different and based mainly on where family are and relation to where work is.
We don't have to move. I just am quite depressed here. Kids settled in school (but still v young). Work now flexible due to covid so have more options. Am basically terrified of making the wrong decision, uprooting everyone and still feeling the same way. Anyone else? Essentially I think my problem is I haven't let go of London. After all these years. Yet I've bottled moving back there three times as I feel scared of such a massive change, pressure of costs, business with kids, competitiveness and just generally feeling like quality of life with kids would be better elsewhere. Anyway I think I'm just other any other folk who have been on a similar situation and how they ever made a decision and went through with it and what happened afterwards?

We're in the early stages of moving from our first house to another town about ten miles away. We live in a city which we don't like and plan to move to a nicer, small town but of course, more expensive

I've joined local Facebook groups and people that have lived in said town all their life have answered questions and told me which streets are to be avoided which is v valuable knowledge

We like London so we just moved to the outer edge of it. You still get to make the most of London has to offer but it’s much greener (including the coutryside nearby), safe, fab schools and lots to do for children.

Perhaps it’s a case of you writing out what’s important to you so you know what area you’re looking for. If your children are still young, moving isn’t too bad.

Where are you now and where in London were/are you hankering for?

No real advice, apart from making yourself do it! I think the longer you stay the harder it'll be to move because it'll be bigger in your head iyswim.

My PIL are like this. They have lived in a house they don't like, in a town they have never liked for 25 years. Every new year is the year they will decide where to move to. In reality they will never move because MIL is paralyzed by choice. Don't be like them! Life is just too short. They could have moved 5 times by now if they didn't like their choice!

I would totally move tomorrow without kids. So hard! Funny enough my pils are also like it!
We were in z3 north London and moved into commuter belt.
I definitely have paralysis by analysis. We have a number of choices none perfect including staying put. I never used to be like this. I think the length of time has made it worse plus we literally bottled moving back into London at last minute so I'm worried we'll do that again. It's completely exhausting and taking over my life. I just want to feel at home somewhere.

In the same situation, though not London. Following!

Can I ask where on the commuter belt? We need to move for more space and scared to make a move to the commuter belt for fear we will miss London. In all honestly we will probably move slightly out for slightly more space but do look at the kind of houses we could buy in places like Hitchin, St Albans etc and think...could we, should we? Also have paralysis by analysis!

I just find it’s a case of working out your best compromise as every area will have its compromises (unless you’re really lucky and your perfect place exists).
For us it was a case of being closer to central London was just too built up, out of London meant no cycling to the office and more faff trying to go to theatre/galleries etc
Outer London was great for houses and accessibility but it can be a bit dull and I do miss having a ‘naice’ high street with boutiques etc. However, we felt that was the easiest compromise given that the house, garden, commute, schools and amenities work.

I think first of all you need to work out why you are depressed and whether it is really about where you live otherwise you could go to expense and hassle of moving and have same issues elsewhere.

I lived in zone 2/3 London, commuter belt and now in countryside - I much preferred zone 2/3 and countryside to commuter belt which felt like it wasn't as good as London for being in London and not as good as countryside for being in countryside and just a bit meh. But kids loved their school and we still had a nice life there. People are different though so you need to work out what suits you and your family. I found it helpful to write down a list of what we ideally wanted based on work, schools, activities, facilities, preferred house, budget and do lots of research. Plan out everyone's typical day and think about if that works.

Though it is worth bearing in mind London in your 20s child free is very different to after children. I loved London in 20s / early 30s but hated it by time I reached 40s with primary aged kids and felt I'ld been there, done that and wanted countryside but with everything in walking distance. There always be pros and cons of areas - here would say downside is employment opportunities are much more limited but house prices are a third of London ones and I spent 20 odd years in high paying jobs in London, going in on packed tube trains and feel I've been there, done that and don't want the rat race anymore. So things can change at different life stages.

We moved out from zone4 to Home Counties. Never felt 100% happy even though all the ingredients were right. We knew deep down that we wanted the urban factor of London which was simply missing outside London. After 9 years of mulling over it & waiting for the right opportunity (stuck due to schools), we got a small window to suddenly move into London zone3/4. We grabbed it with both hands! Bought/sold..schools changed..settled now. I can honestly tell you, now we know we will not be looking to move again. I wouldn't say those 9 years are regretted as we used the 'quiet' life to attain some personal milestones. But now we are so glad we followed our heart & moved back.

Follow your gut, it will bring you peace.

Do move. Remember its not forever and you can move again. I had planned to live in our previous house forever but circumstances changed and we moved. We are now moving again as leaving our lovely little home and recovering from that made me realise that it's only bricks and mortar

Thanks everyone. I think we've boiled it down to two options (three of my parents decide to move as well). Next step I think might be seeing what we can get for our money in each place, what amenities are there and what the school situation is and take it from there. I think I need to practice some mindfulness too as it's really got away with me so I can't think rationally about it. It's the problem of when making a choice it closes off other options. At the moment we are in limbo so all options are open. But then this is a horrible situation to be in and I want to feel settled so anything has got to be better than that.
I think my main thing is sorting out my feelings around London and whether we need to move closer back in (not where we were before) so suburbia still but London suburbs or move further out. I totally agree with the commuter belt problem. It's how I feel as well. I know many people love it but it's really really not for me. Thank you. It's reassuring to hear others have had this issue. I am interested in how you got to your decision and whether it was super stressful moving and how you did it all!

@goteam it wasn't either of those two places you mention. I think they may have more buzz but they are still commuter towns. We considered St A bit essentially found it so overcrowded and expensive. Like others have said you have to work out what you want to compromise on. Think I mistook where we are for being like a London village! I didn't want somewhere as big as a town but I'm struggling where we are due to lack of buzz really. Yes London is not far away but it's a pain getting back in and I hardly do it anymore. You may absolutely love the commuter belt. I find I am an anomaly really.