Help me feel less guilty re-buyers 🙈

[Bol87]

Bit of a silly thread but please help me feel less awful 😭

A family looked round round our house and within an hour of leaving submitted a near ask bid. Grandparents live over the road. No second viewing or anything. Hadn’t sold their house. So we said we were happy with the value of the offer but couldn’t accept until they’d sold & the house remained on the market.

We had loadsa interest over the last week & ended up with two further bidders who scrapped it out slightly above ask. In the meantime, we found a house we loved on an estate that houses rarely come up for sale. It was us v an investor & the family wanted it to go to us but we had to have accepted a proceedable offer by Saturday. So we accepted the over ask offer & explained to the original bidder that sadly we’d sold.

But they are devastated. They sold their house today. They’ve literally come to the door begging us to consider them. It was awful. They were in tears & looked heartbroken when we said it wouldn’t be fair to those we’ve accepted.

I’m such a softie that I can’t bear to think I’ve made someone feel so sad 😭 I’m someone who tends to go out my way & do too much to make people happy 🙈 I know we’ve done nothing wrong but ughhhh!

I'd let the first people have it. Nothing is binding at this stage.

had you already been looking and found somewhere to buy before the first people came to look.

I'd be thinking about the chain as well as the money - are the desperate ones in a better position? I wouldnt give up buyers and put myself in a worse position just out of guilt.

Would they have come up financially to the same. amount? I would have let them have it had they reached the same amount over the asking price

Do the successful ones have cash ready?

You were honest with them since they hadn’t sold their house you’d continue waiting for someone who had.

You shouldn’t let down the couple who you accepted as no doubt they would be equally upset and justified to be so.

Few years ago I missed out on a house that went to sealed bids turns out we were the highest bidders however officially we hadn’t exchanged yet on our own house but the next offer down had. (Annoyingly we hadn’t exchanged as the buyer had gone into labour two weeks early). Seller went with the other offer.

Upside if anything falls through you know you have a second option.

You didn't go back to the first family to check on their situation before you accepted the other offer? Would they match the money? I'd let them have it if they can move quickly.

This is why you don’t go looking at houses when you haven’t sold your own - or if you do you accept that your offer may not be taken seriously. I think you should proceed with the offer you’ve accepted. Why should that person be disappointed? The only way I would switch is if the first couple were in a much shorter chain or if there was some issue that would potentially delay the sale going through.

But the second people loved it too, surely?! Loved it enough to offer over asking! What's to say they won't be just as heartbroken if you change your mind?!

At this stage you have been upfront and honest with everyone involved. If you start dicking the second buyers about you become an untrustworthy seller.

Honestly you've done everything above board and how most people would.

I get the people pleasing thing but ultimately you had a choice by doing right by your family or this stranger family. Why would you not choose your own.

The desperate family cannot offer more than the bid we’ve accepted. In fact, they can’t go over ask. So we’d lose money going to them. They are both in the exact same position. Both have sold to a first time buyer. The one we’ve accepted are at the survey stage. 🤷🏼‍♀️ & have been extremely proactive getting things moving at their end even over a bank holiday!

We did all the viewings ourselves & met both parties. Both seemingly nice families & both desperate to buy the house. One way or another I’d be upsetting someone so it seemed only fair for it not to be the one we accepted first! I just wish the others hadn’t cried on my doorstep. It’s taken a significant amount of glow off the excitement of selling over ask

And yes, I looked round houses once our house was on Rightmove & we had viewers booked in. But I would never have dreamed of putting an offer in until sold. I thought that was just the way it worked?! We looked so we could move quickly once sold. The desperate buyers weren’t even on the market at the time if the offer. Their ad didn’t go live until a week later ..

Looking before they were on the market was always going to lead to something like this. They might have got lucky if you weren't in a rush but it didn't pan out for them. It's not on you at all.

I'd stick with the offer you've accepted. It's not your fault and you'd just be letting others down and getting less money for it.

Aww it's so hard. We've been the first family, desperately wanted the house as it was same estate as my mum and to keep the kids at the same school, houses come up like once every 2 years here. We missed out, didn't get an offer quick enough, I was devastated but never resented the owners (I do swear at the new owners under my breath every time I walk passed it though of course, especially as they've fitted the most obscenely ugly front door ) but I am one of those old fashioned everything happens for a reason type. We are now buying a much more gorgeous house, 20 miles away, and I am hoping although we have to move the kids it's all for a reason, we've decided the village we are in now isn't going to suit us in a few years. Hopefully something better is around the corner for them, but you've done nothing wrong, don't let it weigh on your mind too much!

I think you're doing the right thing sticking with the offer you've accepted. If it's meant to be otherwise then something will crop up on the survey or the chain will drag and there will be a reason you can get back to the "desperate" family; but probably not. They will find somewhere.

Rather different because I don't wish such problems on you, but our neighbours were interested in their house from when it first went on the market. I think in the end about 3 offers were accepted and fell through over a couple of years before they bought it! They also have family nearby. (there were structural issues, and they are builders so were confident they could sort it out, as indeed they have)

I'd stick with your current offer. If someone is at the limit of what they can afford they are going to struggle in a new house. There is always something needs doing and they can't afford to do anything once they've moved in.

Wow, tough one. If the people you've accepted are desperate to buy it then they'll be devastated too, won't they?
Also, what is the difference between the two offers? Are we talking thousands?

I guess the way to look at it is, if a couple were crying on your doorstep, asking for a hand out of [insert monetary difference amount] pounds would you just give it to them???? I'm guessing not. There's your answer

Also, if the family whose offer you've accepted, are at survey stage then I'm guessing that means they've paid out for Solicitors & Survey fees already? (Forgive my naivety, I've not been able to buy a house yet, unfortunately)

I don't think it's even slightly difficult. You've accepted an offer. Who wants it most doesn't come in to it now.

You haven't made them feel so sad. They are so sad but they will become not so sad.

It doesn't sound like they can particularly afford your house either. And they weren't even slightly ready when they looked at your house,

It’s actually pretty shitty of the 1st buyers to try and emotionally blackmail you by landing on your doorstep in tears. Fair enough sticking a note through the door or asking the estate agent to speak to you, but how they chose to go about it is really unfair.

I’ve been the one in tears over a fallen through house purchase, but I accepted that the vendor had to do what was right by her.

I agree with @TerribleCustomerCervix . It doesn't matter how much they wanted it, you've done everything in a very fair way. It's not on for them to try to make you feel bad about it. I'd also be worried that if they think this is an acceptable thing to do, what else might they do? What if they suddenly fell in love with another house and left you in the lurch? Stick with the buyers you've got.

We were in a similar position to you last year. The buyers whose offer we accepted pulled out of the purchase a couple of days before we were due to exchange and the other couple were still interested (and more proceedable at that point). They moved in to the house in January. You never know how things will turn out.

The best you can do OP, is tell the weeping Grandparent couple, that if the buyers whose offer you've accepted, drops out for any reason, you will give them first refusal.

That happened to us....30 years ago.

Seller showed us round, we loved the house and said yes, then she told us they had already accepted another offer at full asking price.
They didn't want to get involved with any bidding wars (they were dealing with the sale themselves - no agent) but said the above to us.
I said, no chance they'll drop out, it's a lovely house.

8 weeks down the line, their potential buyer had not engaged a Solicitor, Surveyor, Mortgage Company etc.
They gave her a deadline. She didn't meet it.

Phone call to us, "Are you still interested? It's yours for the asking price"

30 years later - we're still here. We really did love it!

What @TerribleCustomerCervix said. It was very unreasonable of them to show up on your doorstep, and if they think it's OK to do that, then I'd question whether they were likely to make the buying process equally as difficult.

Personally I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit guilty, neither about not selling them the house, nor letting the new buyers down. Selling a house is one of the situations where you have to be selfish, you need to put your own family first. Right now that means taking the extra money and going with the buyers who are already going through the necessary procedures to get the property