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Husband & I can't agree on which house

12 replies

Livingthroughcrazy · 25/08/2020 22:03

I've dipped my toe in here a couple of times but tonight I had an argument with DH in car and I could do with some outside thoughts.

We sold our house quite quickly recently and while we are waiting for that to complete we are looking for a new home.

The thing is, DH and I just don't seem to be on the same page when it gets to the actual viewing. We agree over what we are looking for, both pick things out we like etc then when we physically get there I can tell by just looking at him that he's not digging it. "The face" goes on (no words necessary)

Our sale fell through a few years ago after our offer had been accepted on a property and the whole chain crashed. We have since had DD3 and parked the move until now.

To begin with he restricted the move to an unrealistic budget and area and nothing was coming up that we could afford. We viewed quite a lot but there was never the "right" thing. He kept saying "stuff comes on the market all the time, something will come up" - a year on plus we were no further forward. So I had a bit of a hissy fit about the need for us to broaden where we were looking and eventually he agreed we could increase the search areas (He travels for work but not in a conventional Mon-Fri 9-5 way because he is self employed).

Anyway, we are now at the point of needing to find something pronto and his "deliberation" and pickiness is driving me nuts. This move is not going to be a "forever home" one as we can't make that leap in one go. We will need to move in another few years potentially if what we think we want is still relevant to us then.

We viewed a property last week that we put a verbal offer in on but he later admitted that he didn't like the house so that didn't progress. This week he has had home reports for x,y,z properties and tonight we packed all the kids in the car for a couple of hours to view this do it upper and he hadn't even seen the inside of this beautiful house before "the face" went on.

We pottered around for an hour before the lady let us in. I had to feed the kids chips and I just don't know why he bothered to make us all wait when it was obvious from his face before we went in that he wasn't going to go for it.

I think the actual problem is that I'm a complete go getter, see opportunities and possibilities everywhere and I get really disheartened by his "glass is half empty" boring, manchild shite.

The house today needed a lot doing to it but it's way under what our ceiling is and we've done this type of thing before so we aren't completely fresh faced.

Anyway, I'm just feeling deflated and a bit bored of having to invest emotion and vision in property after property when all my day dreams then get stomped on. I also think that DH is on this occasion being a bit of an arse.

OP posts:
Elieza · 25/08/2020 22:14

Does he see houses and think you’ll expect him to do all the work or something that’s putting him off?

MrsBobDylan · 25/08/2020 22:26

I would be going out of my mind right now - sounds as though he has managed to stall for over a year now, is that right?!

I would be wanting to know why he is stalling. Doesn't sound like he wants to move.

senua · 25/08/2020 22:30

Tell us about buying the current house: was that relatively easy or did he pull faces? What persuaded him to make the leap back then.

Livingthroughcrazy · 25/08/2020 22:30

Maybe - although he knows I'm a grafter too. We are both pretty good and hands on with everything really (within reason except electrics, heating/plumbing, roofing) Most things we will tackle or bring people in to help with.

But maybe it is a concern that he would have to co-ordinate that element.
Thanks OP that's a helpful view

OP posts:
Livingthroughcrazy · 25/08/2020 22:36

@MrsBobDylan

I would be going out of my mind right now - sounds as though he has managed to stall for over a year now, is that right?!

I would be wanting to know why he is stalling. Doesn't sound like he wants to move.

Yep, he pretty much put the shackles on things for a year (but in fairness we did have DD3 in that time and he was hugely busy with his business)

However, there is no excuse now as to why we can't move and he genuinely says he wants to / he knows we have to but is just being pedantic about the house we move to and it's really bloody infuriating

OP posts:
Livingthroughcrazy · 25/08/2020 22:41

@senua

Tell us about buying the current house: was that relatively easy or did he pull faces? What persuaded him to make the leap back then.
The current house we bought about 6 years ago as a "project" but not a long term home. He threw himself into it 100% and he really worked hard getting everything in place to make it happen.

When he sets his mind to getting things done, he is a force to be reckoned with but right now I feel like he's just dragging his heels and I don't get it.

Maybe he just wants a house where the project is minimal and I'm the one being the arse Confused

OP posts:
SuperFairy · 25/08/2020 22:55

You’ve answered your own question, he doesn’t want to move anywhere that’s not perfect and needs no work, I can understand that.

But I also understand that ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.

I think that he maybe wants your forever home now and can’t be arsed with moving just to move again in a few years, plus all that entails e.g. the work needed on the next house plus the hassle and expense of moving again in a few years.

Sorry but I’m with your OH. Moving is a complete PITA and he wants to get it right. Here speaks someone that moved in haste and hates where she is.

JoJoSM2 · 25/08/2020 23:30

Or maybe he’s more of a heart person? DH is like that. He ‘trusted my vision’ when we got a fixer upper. Last time we house hunted, the face came on at everything that didn’t look attractive but he’d really light up when viewing beautifully presented places.

StarintheMorning · 26/08/2020 06:28

How long are your buyers prepared to wait? You don’t want that to fall through. Are you holding up a long chain?

Can you widen your search area (again) and can you adjust your budget?

Each do a top five or ten things the new property must have list, in priority order (detached, 4 beds, utility etc). You may find your lists differ, hence why he isn’t keen on houses that you like. Agree a final priority list. If a property comes up that fits the agreed spec then go view it. If you can tick off the top 7 or 8 from a ten point list, then I think you are doing well.

Oopsiedaisyy · 27/08/2020 20:51

This may not be about buying a house. Have a talk to him about how he's feeling about life and your relationship

rwalker · 27/08/2020 20:56

TBH does sound as though you are looking at a project and might feel it will be down to him to do it .

Louise2020x · 18/10/2020 22:19

Louise

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