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Tokyo to North Cotswolds - worried!

24 replies

JK943 · 20/07/2020 06:07

Hello mums. I and my family are moving from Tokyo to the Chipping Campden area of the Cotswolds in spring 2021. I'm the dad, originally from Bath but have lived in Japan for 20 years now. My wife is Japanese and has never lived overseas before. We're moving to the UK in search of a better life for our children - more space, freedom and hopefully a better education.

I'm worried it not being an urban area we will have trouble meeting people and finding things to do. If there's anyone from the Cotswold area that could give us an idea of family life there that would be hugely appreciated.

Winters in Tokyo are sunny and not that cold so we can always get out and do things. If you could give me an idea of how you enjoy the winter months in the UK as a family I think that would give us some peace of mind that we're not making a mistake by moving there.

Thanks so much!

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Normalmumandwife · 20/07/2020 06:37

I dint live in the Cotswolds but a similar place. Really it is about how you make friends both via work and other social settings. It would be useful to know more about the type,of work you do (home based or,office/on the road). How old are your children and how far are the schools from where you will live?

Important but how well do the family speak a English?

A friend of mine returned from Japan after many years there with his Japanese wife and child. She found it very difficult and remained u settled and unhappy. It would be interesting to know what you are trying to improve life wise as the U.K. may not be the panacea..especially at the moment

JK943 · 20/07/2020 07:19

Thanks very much for the reply. The children are 3 and 6. My wife speaks intermediate English and one of our big concerns is that she ends up like your friend's wife and never really fits in there... Did they end up going back to Japan?

Do you mind me asking what your weekends and family time are like in rural UK? Do you socialise much and did you find it easy to build a good network of friends? How do you spend the winter months? Is it mostly indoor family time? I should really know all this being a Brit myself..

I actually stopped working a while ago, have a company in Tokyo that did ok. This may seem like a blessing to some but I'm starting to see it as a bit of a curse, as you say, work can be the basis for community. Also good to keep yourself busy. Maybe I should find some kind of work there although I'm not sure what I could do... become a national trust guide maybe!? Perhaps not quite at that age yet...

Japan can be good, It's just that you have no space, disconnect from nature, have to live in an apartment. Also schools aren't great.

Thanks again for replying, much appreciated

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MinnieMountain · 20/07/2020 08:19

I'm not in the Cotswolds but as general rule for making friends:
-get involved with your older DC's school.
-sports clubs are often family friendly. There's Park Runs everywhere now. DS has joined a local junior cycling club. Hockey is a good one too.

When I was growing up in countryside we went for a walk every weekend. Depending on your local cycle paths, family bike rides are a good one.

Fizzywizzywoo · 20/07/2020 08:21

I'm in the Cotswolds, it's a really lovely place to raise a family. There's plenty of local FB groups you and your wife could join too to meet people

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/07/2020 08:29

I agree that school aged children are great for helping you make friends. They will soon be doing activities which can be great for making adult friends too.

If you don't need to work then try some volunteering, there is plenty out there and you will meet some no child related friends.

do-it.org/ is great.

taskexchange.cochrane.org/ is health related and has tasks you do at home, how about translating some Japanese.

www.meetup.com/ Well worth a look.

DazzleCamouflage · 20/07/2020 08:30

Does it need to be rural England? Despite being a native English speaker, socially confident, and having spent almost 20 happy years in Oxford and London, I found life in a prosperous, pretty Midlands village unbearably isolating -- and I did all the recommended things, went to baby groups one of which I ended up running, volunteered at Beavers, had a child at pre-school and then school. It was an incredibly insular place where you didn't really exist unless you'd lived there for generations, and I dealt with a fair amount of low-level xenophobia. We never gelled at all socially, it was the most unhappy seven years of my life, and we ended up emigrating.

I would say head to a city, or somewhere close to one. (What about Oxford?)

user1471530109 · 20/07/2020 08:31

Hi OP. Do you have a place lined up? Is it actually in Chipping Camden?
I live close by and my kids have a brilliant social life (before covid). They've got so many different clubs and classes they do (far too many actually). I'm a single mum and moved from a big city after divorce. I've made more friends here (in 3 years) than living in a city for over 10 years! Admittedly, that's mainly through the kids. I'm also very lucky that the village I live in is very sociable and friendly. We were all out watching the comet last night along my street.

I agree about getting in the local Facebook group. You will find out not only all the social events but also all the gossip Wink

donkeyoatey · 20/07/2020 08:45

Chipping Campden is great. Just get involved with things happening in the town and through the schools. There is plenty going on. Cheltenham and Stratford-upon-Avon aren't far away if you want something different for a day.

Frazzled2207 · 20/07/2020 08:55

Agree getting involved in schools either as a volunteer or with the PTA is a good idea. As is getting your children involved in lots of activities where you can potentially meet other parents.

I am in Manchester now but previously lived in Tokyo so know what you mean about the weather. Yes it’s better in Tokyo in winter but I wouldn’t be too worried- it rarely freezes here and you get a lot of nice clear days (and a lot of drizzly ones unfortunately). I wouldn’t say we we all huddle away indoors no.
Kids (and other) activities carry on as normal and there will be plenty of opportunities for country walks etc in the Cotswolds. You’ll just need a decent coat. We used to get at least one decent dumping of snow a year but in that part of the world it won’t be guaranteed at all.

Frazzled2207 · 20/07/2020 09:02

I can also see sadly how Japanese women find it difficult here- I think people will be welcoming generally but she needs to be prepared to “put herself out there” which is probably culturally difficult. Eg be confident enough to ask for other parents’ numbers, suggest coffee etc. At least for starters coming from Tokyo ought to be a good talking point.

If her English is intermediate it’s probably worth her while trying to get more confident before you move.

Do you have a schools plan? For the 6yo you’re probably aware it could be difficult. It could also be difficult for the 3 yo if he/she is due to start school in 2021, because you need to be able to prove your address by the January to get a good chance of getting the school you want.

betteliefsen · 20/07/2020 09:04

Some friends of mine moved from Japan to a rural uk town. Their children are musical and very involved in activities to do with that and drama, it's worked really well for them.

missyB1 · 20/07/2020 09:08

I’m not too far from there but I’m a larger town. Try to get involved in the local community, definitely think about volunteering. And get your kids into local clubs - which perhaps you could help out at?
The Cotswolds has lots of nice places to visit so weekends could be spent exploring the area.
Winter can be quite wet - and muddy! So wellies and warm Waterproof coats and just accept the weather really.

user1471530109 · 20/07/2020 09:14

I don't know what Camden is like in the winter nights, but one thing I found really tough at first was the fact that all the villages around here have no street lights! Didn't take too long to get used to. But I would imagine coming from Tokyo, that would be striking.
The kids do loads of beavers, scouts stuff all through the year including winter. There are lovely walks everywhere, but if you want something more arranged then Camden as Hidcote (national trust gardens) and Batsford aborteum very close. All things wild is a nature park the kids will like (5 mins from Camden).

This part of the country isn't known for its diversity. But lots of people from all over the world have made their home here. There are several different nationalities in my very small village (200houses) so whilst it's not comparable to a town or city, it's not completely void of any diversity.

JK943 · 20/07/2020 09:15

Thanks everybody - this is really great info for us. It's interesting to see the different perspectives here on country life. I guess it comes down to what you make of it, the more you put in the more you get out.

Fizzywizzywoo, thanks good idea for FB groups. I'll check them out.

user1471530109, yes we have a place in Campden that we bought before the virus. Great to hear your kids have a good social life there.

Thanks too Frazzled. Long cold winters seem daunting now but as you say, chuck on your coat and wellies and get out in it whatever the weather. As a kid in the UK I was always out for family walks and it never occurred to me that the UK had long dark winters - until I moved abroad that is!

Thanks all - seems like what we need then is Facebook, lots of contact with school, a good pair of wellies and a positive outlook!

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JK943 · 20/07/2020 09:27

Thanks Frazzled, my wife's language ability is going to be a challenge. She is hitting the books now though. I guess it will be people who have an interest in places like Japan that she will hopefully be able to make friends with.

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TanteRose · 20/07/2020 09:28

if you don't have a job, how can you take your Japanese wife into the UK? You need to meet the minimum income requirement.

JK943 · 20/07/2020 09:30

TanteRose, I retired early and we enough to cover that.

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WinterAndRoughWeather · 20/07/2020 09:31

If you’re not working definitely get involved with school - presumably your kids will be going to independent schools? They will lap up engaged parents with time on their hands.

A few years after I left my old school started offering Japanese classes because one of the teachers married a Japanese woman. Your wife could maybe start a local / school Japanese club and quickly improve her English too.

JK943 · 20/07/2020 09:36

Good thinking WinterAndRoughWeather !

I'm sure my wife would enjoy teaching Japanese. I somehow assumed the shift had gone to Chinese for asian languages but perhaps there would be enough interest in Japan.

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WinterAndRoughWeather · 20/07/2020 09:38

I’m sure for practical reasons there is a shift to Chinese, but that doesn’t mean people won’t be interested in an after school club (could be kids and parents), maybe leading to a GSCE if the students want. There was a lot of that sort of thing at my school - optional Ancient Greek etc. For the love of learning!

TanteRose · 20/07/2020 09:38

@JK943

TanteRose, I retired early and we enough to cover that.
ah okay!
outwest · 20/07/2020 09:39

Take heart, it should work. Wife is Japanese. Moved back from Tokyo to live in very rural area few years ago, for same reasons as you. Has gone very well. Wife found other Japanese females living locally very quickly (maybe Facebook, and forums for Japanese overseas?) and started meeting up with them within week or two. Probably has more friends that me! Kids have been absolutely fine, acclimatised very quickly, were roughly same age as yours.

Feel that it's less an issue of Japan vs UK and more urban vs rural. If your wife likes countryside, gardening, outdoors, and realises compromises that village / country life entails, fine. If she vaguely expects there to be a conbini within 200 yards of the house, thinks she'll get decent shopping and swathe of nice restaurants locally, etc. then might struggle. (Though Cotswolds probably pretty good for food I would think?) If she is committed urbanite and not that keen on countryside at all, then probably going to be tough, at least initially.

Tip: whatever outside weather, always having a warm house helps - "just put a jumper on" isn't their culture, as you may have noticed. Use CH lavishly, insulate where you can. Living here I find weather often great (April and May this year!), but unpredictable / inconsistent.

Not actually cold - little frost, almost no snow, so better than almost any place north of Tokyo - but must be ready for anything, every day. Be flexible. Precipitation in Tokyo much higher than that of London, but concentrated at different times of year. Summer anywhere in UK far less enervating than that of Tokyo. Good summer day in England countryside better than almost anywhere - not so hot that you can't actually do anything, little humidity, cool in shade.

Sum up: different life, believe better for mental health of adults, better for children in my view. Largely depends on attitude - positive or negative, you choose. It is a choice.

PM me if you like.

senua · 20/07/2020 12:03

I think that your DW could find strength in her 'weakness'. She does not fall into any hierarchy or social class because of her foreignness, so she can transcend tribalism and fit in where Brits might not.
There has been a very pro-Japanese sentiment recently: they ran a superb RWC and we were all looking forward to the Olympics. There have been many "wow, isn't Japan great!" programmes on the TV recently. Capitalise on it!

JK943 · 20/07/2020 14:31

Senua thanks for your thoughts, it hadn't occurred to me that being Japanese may even be beneficial. Even after being in Japan for over 20 years I often have "wow, isn't Japan great" moments! Good to know there's an awareness there of the good things about Japan.

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