What sort of environment is best for kids to grow up in?

[sdra]

I've heard lots people say that the countryside or the coast is best for kids when they are young but a town or a city is better when they hit the teens. Also London too for the vast amount of cool things to do.

Do you agree? Where did you grow up and did you enjoy it?

I grew up in rural countryside and loved it but definitely felt quite isolated as a teen. That said I don't recall hating it. It was more just a faff to get to places and I always loved coming home after school.

I guess I'm asking as we are thinking about moving but a bit daunted by where might be best for us all. The wfh thing now means we are no longer tied to the commuter belt. I love big cities but also love wilderness and I'm not sure I'm going to get both.

I live in a major city, my eldest is now 13 we've always lived in the same house since having the children.

There is lots to do in a city, but there's a lot of crime. Really blatant drug deals in the street, knife point muggings in parks, we had somebody shooting at a car at lunchtime the other week in the road off mine. A woman was car jacked and assaulted in front of her kids at the local park the other day.

And I don't even live in one of the worst areas!

Now my children are getting older and the age that they can be getting more independence, I would really like to move. Not really rural, but somewhere quieter where the parks are safer and there are less gangs etc.

DH and I are hoping to move soon closer to amenities, things to do etc as I remember when I was a teenager having to walk for ages or catch a bus as my DF was a lorry driver and hated driving us anywhere. It was a pain as a teenager as all my friends lived near my school and because I didn't I was always making trips to see them at weekends.

I was rural as a teen. I had way more fun than my city dweller mates. Loads of field camping / festival style parties. Basically every weekend March - October. Bloody great.

I grew up in a large village with schools and think it was great. Free to roam at a very young age. Tons of friends in the village. It was 45 mins on a bus to a small city that had absolutely everything so we could go there on a Saturday as teenagers.

The kids who grew up rural rural hated it as teenagers because they were at the mercy of their parent's taxi service.

I grew up properly rural. Endless deserted mountainside/moorland, plenty of insane experiences with rock faces, etc, lots of staying over with friends, lots of long walks in the dark to/from intercity bus stops, etc.

Parents should have been more careful... rural does not equal “nicey nice”.

The biggest things : you learn not to be a gossip and not to fall out with people unnecessarily. I’m regularly amazed that (apparently) functional adults have never learned that lesson. But then your social circle is based on geography not choice, so generally socialise within a gaggle of teens, some you’re friends with and some you rub along with.

I don’t know what growing up in a city would be like, so can’t compare. But there was no “hanging about the streets getting into trouble coz we’re bored” that you see with teens in larger villages/towns.

I think towns/villages with public transport to a city is best of both worlds. I moved a lot as a kid but really enjoyed living in a rural village as it was the kind of place all the kids roamed around and very safe, but like a pp had a 45 minute bus to the nearest city so would go there on a Saturday. There was a secondary school in the village which helped a lot as well- my ex grew up rurally but bussed to the nearest town for school and he felt left out socially.

Semi-rural! That's how I grew up, in a village surrounded by fields but with a main road running through it with frequent bus service to large city half an hour away!

I live in London now and feel sorry for the children I see being marched down narrow pavements dodging meth heads every 10 metres with only a postage stamp sized garden to retreat to if they're lucky and a scruffy local park

I grew up in a medium-sized Home Counties town, which was great because there was great public transport and loads to do (bowling, cinema, theme parks, days out) but not loads of crime and gangs like in London. It was easy to get to London for days out though. I wasn't reliant on my parents to give me lifts anywhere so was quite independent. They live in a tiny village now and I hate it when I visit, it feels dead and there's no public transport so the options are either drive into the nearest town or stay at home.

And in a medium-sized town you can be out in the countryside really quickly too. It's the best of both worlds IMO.

Rural here. Had 'home' friends we did everything with and then separate school friends (we were at different schools) who I never saw in holidays.

We used to spend lots of time outside, making dens and getting grubby and walking to the next village shop could occupy an afternoon.

I had no complaints then, but it would have been different without close friends of the same age.

As an adult I am pleased my DC will have the benefits of countryside/coast and being near a town.

I grew up zone 2/3 of London and it was great - almost unlimited range of sports clubs/dance/music/drama activities - could do climbing, horse riding, wakeboarding, rowing, I e skating, racquet sports,.all on public transport.
It meant having a lot more independence than my cousins of the same age who lived in the Home Counties and had to be driven everywhere.

My parents say now they were glad we stayed in the city as they could relax and enjoy a drink on a Friday and Saturday night as they didn't need to be on permanent taxi alert. My dad (and other dads in turn) would walk 5mins to the tube to meet me and my friends there if we were coming back late and then walk us all safely home. We went to the local school so all my friends were very local.

The crime etc never really bothered me - if you weren't looking to be involved then it was pretty irrelevant to my world...
And from the mid-teens, it was clear that cousins in more rural/small town areas could access soft drugs like cannabis and alcohol just as easily as you could in London so a rural

As a small child, I was jealous of their garden which backed onto woods but we weren't allowed in the woods without adults as it was a known hangout of creepy men, apparently. I suspect now that it was dogging but that term wasn't used by my aunt and uncle!

I should say now I live in what is probably a rougher area of London but still endless baby groups/toddler activities/

Or at least there was pre lockdown...now it's informal play dates in the park.

I grew up rurally and it wasn't great as a teen, it's bit of a fight getting out of there too. We live in a village currently which is great, good school, quiet, safe but in the process of moving to a town. I want my kids to have more independence than I had and more opportunities.

I grew up in a small village and absolutely hated it. No public transport so had to rely in parents giving you lifts or cycling. Very limited opportunities for hobbies unless you again had a parent willing to drive you to the nearest town. I moved out as soon as I was old enough and have lived in cities only ever since.

Thanks all. Food for thought. It seems getting the balance right between outdoor space and stuff to do is key. I'm not quite sure why I'm stressing so much about this as my parents didn't factor in what I wanted when they moved but I definitely want to think about where we live in relation to what my kids might enjoy. I guess you never really know until they have grown up! The older one definitely seems to be more outdoors/animals/beach/getting muddy etc etc and laments about moving to a farmhouse! The younger one doesn't seem bothered either way but I would think he's probably more into social/stuff to do etc etc.

I think rural rural is out. I want them to be able to be independent when older and able to walk to mates houses at least or to a train station. I'm thinking either edge of a city/green bit of city or somewhere with easy access to a city/large town with stuff to do might be what we need.

Thanks all. Food for thought. It seems getting the balance right between outdoor space and stuff to do is key. I'm not quite sure why I'm stressing so much about this as my parents didn't factor in what I wanted when they moved but I definitely want to think about where we live in relation to what my kids might enjoy. I guess you never really know until they have grown up! The older one definitely seems to be more outdoors/animals/beach/getting muddy etc etc and laments about moving to a farmhouse! The younger one doesn't seem bothered either way but I would think he's probably more into social/stuff to do etc etc.

I think rural rural is out. I want them to be able to be independent when older and able to walk to mates houses at least or to a train station. I'm thinking either edge of a city/green bit of city or somewhere with easy access to a city/large town with stuff to do might be what we need.

Thanks all. Food for thought. It seems getting the balance right between outdoor space and stuff to do is key. I'm not quite sure why I'm stressing so much about this as my parents didn't factor in what I wanted when they moved but I definitely want to think about where we live in relation to what my kids might enjoy. I guess you never really know until they have grown up! The older one definitely seems to be more outdoors/animals/beach/getting muddy etc etc and laments about moving to a farmhouse! The younger one doesn't seem bothered either way but I would think he's probably more into social/stuff to do etc etc.

I think rural rural is out. I want them to be able to be independent when older and able to walk to mates houses at least or to a train station. I'm thinking either edge of a city/green bit of city or somewhere with easy access to a city/large town with stuff to do might be what we need.

I grew up in the London ‘burbs. Despite the freedom/independence it gave me as a teen, I never loved it. As a child I was desperate to live in the countryside or by the sea and as a teen I was desperate to live in central London. The ‘burbs always felt a bit ‘nothingy’ to me (although where I grew up is now one of those mega-desirable family-friendly parts of London). But probably not helped by the fact that I went to school 30mins from where we lived, so none of my friends were local.

I have DC aged 7 & 4 and we live in a small village in the SE in lovely countryside that’s 5 mins from a decent-sized town and 25 mins from a city. It’s a good balance for us and we really love it here. We were in central London until DC2 came along. That also had its advantages, especially at the baby stage). I’m glad we left when we did (tiny flat, no outdoor space) although I do miss aspects of London life (culture, diversity, friends, etc)

We lived rurally for a while when DCs were smaller but made the choice to head into the edge of a smallish city. We thought it was fine while they were very young (though I was bored at home with minimal groups or activities to attend) that didn’t involve hour plus round trips, but as they got bigger would be an increasing problem if they couldn’t really have any independence.

Also concerned they would really missing out on activities - the basics like swimming lessons etc we’re also a lengthy round trip which just limits what/ how much they can do. Their school was nice enough but as is fairly common with small rural schools had limited resources and certainly none of the extracurricular opportunities available at their next schools. Also, as people who’ve lived most of their lives in a city, DH and I found the fact the community was entirely white quite odd, and poorer for it - and in general community definitely not what you’d describe as progressive. Definitely wasn’t for us and we felt strongly our DCs would have better opportunities - educational and otherwise - somewhere less rural.

All that said, I’ve no doubt that there are nice, liberal, don’t feel like the 1950s larger villages or market towns which have all those opportunities. But I think you do need to do your research carefully - there’s often threads looking for suggestions on MN so it’s worth thinking about what matters and asking for ideas!

I don't think there's one best but flexibility is the thing. I live in a medium size city now but 5 minutes drive and I can be walking my dog in fields. 5 minutes to supermarket or hospital or school too.
I could live in one of our nearby villages with a good bus or train service and it would be just as good. Your kids might be outdoorsy but they might also turn out to be swimmers or ice skaters or need weekly medical appointments.

We ended up moving out of a more remote village (no bus, no shop) as it turned out our children had SN and they started getting bullied and had nowhere to get away. But if they had been in the gang they would have had a blast I'm sure. My DH still mourns the loss of his local pub. I always feel you get depth of community in a small place and breadth of experience in a large place, there are advantages to both. And there's a long spectrum of really great places to live between middle-of-nowhere-with-chickens and London Zone 2 urban. And they aren't all dull surburbia or commuterland either.

I've always lived in London, on the outskirts, so know no different. I haven't lived anywhere that is 'rough', eg muggings and the like, and not been scared to be out alone at night. I used to work in central London and loved it.

It's all a question of what you're used to. I love the countryside but to be honest I'm not far from countryside and down the road to me there are woods and ponds.

We are mulling over similar things. Kids 5 and 7 and we are in zone 2. Lots of social problems, visible drug dealing etc but as PPs have said you get that in small towns. Our kids love the seaside but the reality is day today life wouldn't be quite so idyllic with their parents commuting out because there are poor job prospects by the coast. Countryside is lovely but again for most jobs you will need to commute and drive to hobbies etc. On balance we think staying in London but to zone 3/4 might be best for kids. There is a lot of green space in most parts of London.

London! But it's got to be a good part of London. I'm in West London, by the river. So we travel everywhere by bike and the majority of our rides are never in traffic. We just follow the river. Beautiful, beautiful local parks. Chiswick House is next to me, Duke's Meadows. Someone mentioned manky parks upthread, but to be honest, the parks in most of London are glorious. I have lived in dodgy parts of London, pre-kids, which I wouldn't want to live in now (didn't really like living in them back then). If you do live in London, then Chiswick, Strand-on-the Green, Grove Park, Ealing, Richmond, Barnes, Kew... those are the places you want to live in with kids. There's enough of a 'rural' feel to those places to keep you from feeling the London blues that you get in shittier parts.
I don't know what it's like to live in rural UK, so I can't comment. But I have to say, we have the best of everything. We're very outdoorsy but we're also total gallery/museum fiends. I really love having access to all sorts. At the same time, I can retreat into my splendid isolation if I wish. But when I've taken trips to the countryside, I have marveled at how glorious England is (don't know Scotland or Wales, so again, can't comment but can only guess they're equally beautiful. I'm not from here originally).

I grew up in a tiny village with a slightly larger town (where my high school was) a bus or train ride away, and a big city beyond that.

It makes me laugh where I live now to hear that 'there's nothing for kids to do' and blaming that for any kind of anti-social behaviour. There's beaches here, skateparks, parks, cinema, bowling alley, loads of sports facilities, an arcade and so on.

When I was a kid we didn't have access to any of that stuff until we were old enough to go into the city on our own, no internet either and somehow we survived the boredom without having to vandalise anything

Back to the point though, I don't think there's necessarily a better or worse place to bring them up, it just depends on what you make of what you have around you. I'm sure there'll be people with kids in London who never cross the threshold of a museum, just like I know that (sadly) there are kids here who never step a toe on the beach until they visit with school.