Is it normal to feel so down after house sale falls through?

[coffeewillgetmethroughthis]

Hi, I don't really know if this is the right place to ask, and I feel so stupid asking this as I know people have a lot worse going on at the moment.

Me and my husband have lived in our house for 2 years. It needs a fair bit of work doing and we are not the best at DIY! My neighbours can be really loud (think lots of arguments, shouting, friends around all night regularly etc), and tbh I've wanted to move since we moved in.

We were due to move in March to a slightly bigger house, which was detached. Without getting too into it, we were messed around a lot by both our buyer and the seller, and the chain broke down in May, shortly after I had a baby.

Since then I have felt completely fixated on moving house, and if I'm honest, really down. I think about moving none-stop, and google rightmove constantly. Part of me feels like I should just put it back up and try and sell again, but I don't even know if we'd get a mortgage now, as I'm on maternity and my husband is on furlough, and I'm starting to worry that I'll make a bad decision as I feel so messed up and confused.

Is this normal or am I just overthinking everything? I feel like every noise next door is making me feel so irritable and anxious, but then I'm frightened I'll move and find myself in the same situation again

I'm so sorry, this is a bit long-winded, but if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way OP. I can empathise as I felt similarly when we lived in London. I absolutely hated it and just wanted to get away, out of that house and out of that area. Every little thing began to grate on me by the end.

When somewhere doesn't feel like home it can be quite depressing spending all your time there. The urge to get away can be almost overwhelming. It's easy to slip into the routine of making your days about moving too- constantly checking rightmove etc.

Don't rush for the sake of it though or you could find yourselves somewhere equally as unsuitable. In retrospect, when we finally were able to move, we rushed a little and ended up buying somewhere that wasn't quite right for us. The fact that it was different to where we were originally was enough and we saw it through rose tinted glasses. We were back on the market 6 weeks after moving in.

My only advice really would be to not romanticise the idea of moving as if it's going to fix all the problems in your life. I hope you start to feel a bit more positive soon

Two of the most stressful things are having a baby and moving house. Going through both processes is stressful and then one doesn’t get the desired result of course you will feel down. Don’t hesitate to get some help from your GP if you need it. Sometimes just voicing it to someone helps. I moved just before having my first baby and felt quite depressed from all the upheaval and a difficult birth and we were just renting. Please get help if you need it I didn’t and should of.
Things have been difficult this year.
If you are not good at DIY can you afford to pay someone to do the work and get the house back on the market. It might be money worth spending to get the sale.
Later on I spent a week painting areas of our house to make sure it looked good. I packed away personal things and kept the house very tidy by this time I had three boys. I sold the house within two weeks. It was in Scotland where they cant pull out of the sale once their offer is in. We bought a house in England due to DH’s family reasons and we have been here ever since. We are semi detached but have difficulties with the neighbours in the detached house next door. Barking dogs and they are loud. So you don’t always win unless a large garden around you.
Go and talked to an independent financial advisor about your chances of a mortgage. Lots of advantages short term. So make a plan to try and achieve over the next year.
List all the things needed in your house. Get quotes not estimates and see what you can achieve. Could you tackle a few of the smaller jobs or do you have enough money to pay someone to do?
Keep looking as this is the time when people are more likely to put their house on the market.
If you really want to move more than anything have you considered a new build where sometimes they will accept part exchange would that be an option? I am not keen on new houses but it could be a stepping stone for you in your situation and you might like new builds. Often young families that are buying so socially might be a good move. Check out schools in the area. You might think it is a long way off but believe me it will go so quickly. Location is the premium.

I think by writing down a plan it will help you feel more positive. Don’t put a short time limit on it think slow and steady. If you could sell your house would you consider renting for a short period as you would be more desirable to a seller.
Think about how you can achieve what you want.
Take the time to enjoy your baby too.
Good luck.😃

Do be kind to yourself, you've just had a baby and I doubt you've had much sleep for the past few weeks :) Have you got earphones for your phone, could you block out next door's noise with some nice music? I do understand as I had a neighbour like that. But you have coped for two years, and will continue to cope until you can move.

And it is devastating having your dreams smashed when a sale falls through, so sorry it happened to you but Covid has had an awful effect on many. I now know it happens all the time. Last May I had a cash buyer - four weeks later he withdrew. Last September I had a cash buyer who wanted to move really quickly, everyone told me to start packing as it could all happen in six weeks, I felt really panicky and wasn't sure I could get ready in time. Within three weeks I'd sold and given away almost all my furniture that wouldn't fit my new downsized home ( I hadn't offered, luckily). I got a phone call from the EA at 7 pm one night to say he'd sent an email, the coward, he couldn't proceed, he didn't have the cash as he'd said. I'd let some of the furniture go for such a low price so it would sell quickly, there are no words for unethical people like this. I sold my giant sofa for £200, saw it on ebay, they sold it for £800. I could have really done with that money.

Keep saving so your deposit is going up while you are planning your next move. Make it a project, so your next house purchase meets all your needs. Get a book and write in it when you think of things.

Keep decluttering and selling on ebay/facebook sales. Plan for nice things, like how you'll decorate your new house bedroom, the kids bedrooms etc. Collect boxes and be organised about packing things away that you don't need access to.

Do try and make each room look as clear and clean as possible. Do fix the little jobs you can manage, make sure the outside is attractive for the people that just drive past to have a look. Talk to your partner about going back on the market.

Do remember to be kind to yourself.

Hi I just wanted to say a huge thank you for your replies, they have really made me feel better.

You're right AnnieMaul , I don't want to rush in and choose a house that isn't 'right'. Realistically I can't afford everything I would like, and I need to work out what is the most important. My head might not be in the right place for that at the moment. And as much as a house might make me feel better in some ways, it can't solve everything (though that would be lovely!)

Thank you for your kind words Bowerbird5 . My health visitor has made a referral to some sort of mental health service as she thinks I am a bit low at the moment. I think I just feel so guilty that my little girl doesn't have a lovely house to live in. I know that's stupid, she doesn't know where she's living, and she is loved and cared for and that is what's important.
We have started to do the things we can do and we have a family friend who works as a handyman so I think I will give him a call. It's hard to know what will help sell but I might start a thread on here to ask for some advice.
We have thought of new builds, there is a development near us that seems promising and they are doing part exchange so I think I may book an appointment to have a look. I have never lived in a new house but this one has a lot needs doing to it and it drives me mad, so a new build might work for us. Thank you so much for your advice.

Hi Salome61 I've been playing my baby womb music to soothe her, and weirdly found it really relaxing, so that has helped quite a bit (though it drives my husband a bit mad!). It's awful about your buyers, it shouldn't be allowed to go so far with a sale and then drop out with no repercussions. Our seller delayed 2 days before same day exchange and completion, and then our buyer pulled out just after moving house was allowed again, I was gutted. I hope you eventually got to move!

Thank you all again for the advice and kind words, it was lovely of you

I feel the same as we have just felt through a purchase recently.

I have always been wanting to move for a bigger garden, I dont even have time nor much money for gardening, but I want it. We have been living in this house for more than 10 years and we felt through purchases 3 times. The first time I had the loft done, so I was then content for couple of years, the second time I had another extension(there was already an extension) and I was content for another 2 years. Another purchase felt through just recently and I have nothing else to do with my house( completely renovated when we first bought it), we could have a cellar but I dont even know what is it for. My husband thinks I have gone crazy too. He is very happy with our current home and so are the kids. They all think the current garden is big enough and we even have to hire people for basic work and I moan about the cost all the time so they dont understand why I want a bigger garden. Another problem is I only want our area, meaning there isnt many affordable choices.
We might never move in the end and I feel a little sad about it. I rearranged the furnitures and had some flowers beds put in the garden the last couple of weeks. I love my house though. I guess I am just bored.

Now looking back our house has double the value the last 5 years while the one that felt through nearly 5 years ago stays similar. Not moving might not be that bad at all.