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I'm so confused

3 replies

Aurora2009 · 10/07/2020 00:02

I just don't know what to do.

My DH and I have 2 DC we have been renting for 8yrs, I recently added up the cost of what we have paid in rent and lets just say, suddenly getting a house we own has never been more of a priority.

The thing is, my husband is extremely bad with money, we have had our ups and downs because of this. We are getting on fantastically right now, but as much as I would love to, I can't guarantee this will always be the case.

There have been several occasions where I have saved up money and he has got himself in financial trouble and I have had to bail him out. I have to be very strict with money and keep myself and my kids money completely separate from him.

We have been through a lot and what we have in place just now is working.

Now i don't know what to do about a morgage. He is the high earner, although the bills all go through me. His credit is not quite amazing but it is steadily improving in order to get a mortgage.

I am the low earner and although have great credit rating, don't earn enough to get a mortgage, even if i could, I don't know if it would be the best idea.

We are a happy family right and trying to look forward but I am very wary about tying any of my finances to my husband.

Im excellent with money and work hard to save and pay the bills, my husband works hard earning the money in the first place. I work part time and everything I earn goes to bills, i never buy anything for myself.

I just don't know what to do. If he gets a morgage and I'm putting my money and effort into paying it off. Then he turns round and has another huge money problem and has to remorgage the house and leave us vunerable or homeless , I know he is irresponsible but we are working on it.

Or if I miraculously get a mortgage and he again owns half the house and the same thing happens.

Or god forbid we break up and the house all goes to him regardless of who owns it and yet again would leave myself my kids stranded.

Or would it be completely unreasonable to ask a family member to get the mortgage and we pay them.

Im completely at a loss, as you can see I know nothing about owning a house, I just feel we are in limbo at the moment, and I want to protect my kids home.

From experience as a child from a broken family, we ended up having to live with grandparents as one "bitter" parent ended up with the house and sold it for extra money and the other parent ended up homeless with all the kids. Obviously I don't want this to happen to us, if the worst happens.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 10/07/2020 00:07

Trust your wariness. I wouldn't want to share a debt with a man like this.

LolaSkoda · 10/07/2020 00:19

Asking a family member to get a mortgage for you is insane - why would they take the risk that you (who is married to this guy) won’t take?!

I may have missed it but why wouldn’t you get a joint mortgage? As you’re married anyway, it’s irrelevant whose name it is in. You wouldn’t be left with nothing.

Go to a mortgage broker if you think you can manage your family finances and see how much you can borrow. It sounds like you may also benefit from some independent advice to ensure you understand both your legal position and your financial one.

Aurora2009 · 10/07/2020 00:47

I know, asking a family member is insane. I'm naive about it all. I just thought if they owned the property and we paid rent, we could still treat the house as our own. If i can afford the monthly outgoings on my own wage, I would guarantee it's paid. Even with all the struggles my DH has put us in, iv never missed a Payment.

Would a joint mortgage not cause problems? I definitely need advice!

OP posts:
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