Should we move away?

[JoJoLou165]

Trying a shorter message in this talk topic in hope of getting some of your thoughts on my moving dilemma :) xx

We need to move house for more space now that we have a baby, and the next house will be our 15/20 year house, so:

Do we stay in/near my boring, too familiar hometown close to friends and family to raise young children,
OR
Do we move away to somewhere more exciting (places we're looking at are 2-3 hours away)?

Any thoughts or wisdom from experiences would be MUCH appreciated - we feel very confused and can't move forward.

Thank you xxx

Don’t underestimate friends and family support.

People say they’ll visit and then don’t or turn up and expect full on local tours and entertainment and expensive meals out for their duration.

Yes visitors from a distance tend to be biannual at best even with family sadly. That’s not to say you won’t make a new network just there is nothing wrong in staying where you are with friends and family on the doorstep.

Exciting new place will have lots of places to go in the evening and you might not be able to get a baby sitter.

So your friends and family are in your home town? Don’t they Inject interest and fun in to your life?

How far are you from somewhere more interesting?

Thank you so much for your replies so far - I'll give you some more info on the situation:

• We need a bigger house and can't afford one in our hometown - and the next move would be our 15/20 year house so we don't want to settle for something not quite right to then have to move again;
• We feel we long for a change of scene - possibly to Sussex which is affordable for what we want (we are currently in Hertfordshire, so 2-3 hours away from friends/family inc M25..) - we want a vibrant town within an hour from the coast and with good walks nearby but still commutable to London for husband (so possibly Horsham area). I think we have fallen out of love with our hometown area as we are so familiar with it - it has become pretty uninspiring to us and the thought of living here for another 20 years is a bit depressing;

BUT

• I'd miss all our friends here in our town (they certainly do inject fun - I have only known them for 2 years but they are special to us);
• It saddens me at the thought of taking ourselves and our 2 year old daughter away from our local friends and their young children (and further away family - although nearest family is an hour away but in opposite direction to Sussex so they're not on our doorstep anyway);
• I'm scared of making a mistake moving away - can I fall back in love with my hometown and the local vicinity? Is 'boring familiarity' ever a good thing?!

Thank you so much xxx

Sorry I'm new to Mumsnet so not quite sure what I'm doing! Thank you @GreenTulips, @Didicatand @Juliet2014 for your replies x

I wouldn’t worry too much about making new friends - we moved area a couple of years ago and have found a great community here with friends for us and the kids.

However, I wouldn’t be so quick to move away from family if they’re supportive. We moved to be closer to family as we’d just had our second baby and it was getting too hard with no family support nearby. Even though they don’t do things like regular childcare, being able to call on them ad hoc is great and it’s nice to be able to spend time with them.

Is there an area that you like in your budget a bit closer to family? Say max. an hour?

We've moved every ten years in our 30 year marriage, personally I love moving and getting to know a different area. We have been in our current town ten years and I would love to move again.

I've never found it hard to make new friends, I find it really exciting and invigorating (not sure if that is the right word ) to move ... apart from the first 10 years of our marriage we've never lived near family - and we didn't have DC at the time so I've never had local family support for childcare.

But everyone's different, I'd say 'go for it'.

Don’t underestimate the unresolved itch several years down the line.

When my DC were toddlers we thought about moving closer to the sea, or where I can see green fields. In the end we moved within our own town, even closer to family.

Now they are coming up to the end of primary school, and I still have that urge to move near the sea (more so due to lockdown and more flexible working). I am bored of my home town too, I want an adventure/ project with DH. And we are looking again, but only have a small window of opportunity before secondary school applications.

It has been helpful being near family, but to be honest once they were past the baby stage it has been once or twice I’ve needed urgent help. My mum has done school pick ups once a week but I don’t rely on her (because she is unreliable!) so I often work from home that day anyway. It depends whether you can afford good quality childcare (I have an after school nanny, so even if they are ill I would have someone to help).

My mum is the only thing holding us back from moving, not because of the support she gives us but because of the support I give her.

@Clettercletterthatsbetter, @Ragwort and @Thneedville
Thank you so much for these replies, they have been so so helpful

On family: we have no family support, none of our family are local or provide any help so to speak, and the nearest is an hour away anyway (we'd just be moving further away from where they are because they are more north) - so we won't be losing family support. I guess it is more my feeling of sadness at my daughter having them less in her life if we were 2-3 hours away than if we stayed an hour away. We are drawn to the south coast so an hour away max wouldn't take us close enough to it. Maybe we can look at other places within an hour (near various coastlines and commutable to London - hmmm)

On friends - I really appreciate your comments on the friends side of things - I think a big part of me is terrified that I won't make new good friends. I'm really glad to hear you have done and that gives me hope

The 'unresolved itch' of wanting to move but staying put - very interesting point - maybe we'd regret it further along the line....

Your replies have made me feel so much more positive about a possible move away - thank you so much. I wish you all lots of luck with your next moving decisions!! Xx

OK I am going with the advice to move. DH and I live away from family and have made a fantastic network of friends. Mainly since the DS's were born. Your little one is only two and hasn't started school yet. We found our real network once the boys started school. I have a huge choice of babysitters and we all do eachother favours. I know that if I had an emergency then friends would step up.

My instinct is that your child is still young and you are only just starting out on making friends. If you don't have family support anyway then I would say go for it.

Good luck

I agree that if you don't have family nearby you are far more likely to make the effort to make more friends - like Viva we had a great selection of babysitters and a good arrangment with a close friend in that our DC had sleepovers at each other's houses when each couple wanted a night out.

Three our second move was to be near the coast and beautiful countryside, we had ten very happy years there and our DS was born and we made a huge circle of friends without any problem.

Our next move was to an equally beautiful part of the country (again, no problem making friends) - but we do miss the sea.

Speaking from experience, if you move to the seaside your current friends will visit.
Elsewhere there isn't necessarily the same attraction for regular visits.

I would move, know exactly how you feel OP, today my DH and me went for one of our drives, when he said where do you want to go I just thought I’ve seen and been everywhere in this part of the county, there is nothing new to discover just the same old same old, I live in a beautiful county, I do appreciate it beauty but I want to discover somewhere new, think this feeling has been exacerbated by lockdown though as obviously like everyone, have not managed to escape on holiday which always has the affect of making me miss home so maybe I should not rush to put up the for sale board just yet.

@VivaDixie and @Ragwort - thank you for sharing your experiences, this is really helpful and reassuring - and @Ariela - haha good point, I'm sure the lure of the sea would entice visitors!

@ZaraCarmichaelshighheels - thank you for sharing your experience too. Maybe lockdown is exacerbating the feelings, like you say. I guess we should try and get away for a couple of days when we can stay in hotels/cottages again and see if the desire to move is as strong. I think it will be! Good luck with any decisions you make on moving (or not moving!!)

Thank you again all and I hope you all have a good day xx

No problem at all. We certainly have no regrets.