Never feeling settled? If you have this type of personality...

[Sabee]

Good morning!

I wanted to ask for some advice really.

We moved into our house a few years ago. I fell in love with the fireplaces and character of the house. We needed to be near a school; so made a few compromises - no off street parking one of them!

Admittedly there is a lot that needs to be done, and most of my stress will go when this (ever?) gets tackled (no money) but I’m really worried as I think I’ll never settle anywhere due to, primarily, me having this sort of personality that likes change, and secondly, really missing London since moving many years ago.

Has anyone never felt settled (even in a perfect house) because they miss their home city?

On paper, it’s almost perfect. Safe for the kids, comfortable environment - we could move to a more suitable house in a few years but then I think I will still have that feeling of not being ‘home’.

I know that we can’t afford the type of house I would like in London - a house with a garden and off street parking. Prices are mad!

Anyone in my boat? How do you deal with these things?

My mother had spent her entire life chasing “something” she dragged her kids around the world, wasted thousands of pounds and is one of those people who I truly don’t think will ever settle anywhere.

I get itchy feet from time to time but your head has to rule. If you rent fine, but buying and selling houses is rarely economically sensible

Yes me! I always have a feeling of longing, like nostalgia, either for the past or the future and I never truly feel like I'm 'home'. I try to fill the void with projects, family, work and friends but can't shake the feeling that I'm not settled. It's quite sad really as there's not wrong per se. I do think that I would feel differently if I were in my hometown, or at least close but difficult to up sticks and move when you have a family!

Not for my hometown, but for...something. On paper I now live in the perfect house but that doesn't keep me off Rightmove or planning what we'll do once all the dc have left home. I don't think I'll ever be settled really. I used to think it was a personality defect, but now I think it's the thing that keeps me moving forward and interested in life. I think that's OK.

Oh I feel the same! We've moved (Oct 19) and now I want to move again which seems silly and i'm trying to keep an eye on my feelings! Especially in this weird time. I want to be even closer to my family too and I feel quite unsettled where I am currently. I have had some valuations and if we could cover the stamp duty, i'd port the mortgage but I don't know if that is the right thing to do..... Saying that, life can be too short sometimes so you've got to do all you can to make yourself content most of the time.

Sorry, i'm aware that's not very helpful. But, solidarity with the unsettledness all the same.

I am exactly the same and wouldn't view it as a personality defect except for other people's opinions.
I have moved 10 times in 38 years. 13 years ago I needed to move as I had 5 kids in 3 bed house. We moved to a big 4 bed Victorian end terrace with loads of original features. It needed so much work which didn't get done to the standard I wanted so within 3 years we moved to ready done house.

Our new neighbours had a feud going and ended up on neighbours from hell so within 2 years we moved again.
This time another Victorian house we loved but no garden and on a main road which has become a problem as one of our children has additional needs weren't aware of.
We are almost ready to exchange contracts once again and I am going to have to settle this time round. Block Rightmove emails and enjoy my new place.
I always find justification for moving but time to settle down I think

I have the same personality and I have moved 16 times. In the beginning due to my circumstances changing [marriage breakdown, redundancy, noisy neighbours etc], then because I became a cash buyer so it's much easier, less red tape, and also because I began to love doing places up.

I am a person who loves renewal, fresh starts, changes, a different perspective, making things better, whether breathing new life into an old mirror, repurposing a piece of furniture, redesigning a garden or refurbishing a kitchen.

I don't really see it as a personality defect, but having a constructive, practical drive to improve one's situation/life...and to progress. We all do it differently. Moving to the next lovely property just means I and others like me can see what we are achieving in front of our eyes.

Older now I'm pretty much settled although I have one eye out for my 'last' property! I love where I am and probably will have to stay here now [health reasons] but still half looking for another challenge.

I moved 10 years ago to where I am now, I am just (only just) beginning to settle, though when I go back 'home' I feel a warmth come over me.

Personally it's an internal feeling, and I'll probably take it wherever I go/whoever I'm with.

They say 'home is where the heart is' and I truly believe this is the case. I 'settle' in the company of my DC and family members.

Though I wouldn't say no to escaping to The Chateau

For me I think it's about the town rather than the property. We moved from a 3 bed terrace in one town to an almost identical house in another, and it has been 100% better. I think if I loved city life, I would seriously look at getting that buzz by moving to another, cheaper city, or even compromising massively on the house to stay in London. But, horses for courses. My parents have moved from town to town over the years and for them it's all about the house, not the location.

Me too.

I will never buy a forever home as that thought terrifies me! I've always got it in the back of my mind that we will need to move soon.

Nope. I think there is a psychological issue that is not being addressed there. To constantly drag others along on this never-ending journey must be exhausting for them. I have a friend who has constantly moved and done up houses in London. Now she's no longer in the position to be able to do up houses as all the moves took their toll on their marriage but she still continues to move. Must be exhausting.

Growing up, my parents owned six different houses in eighteen years. One of the moves was half way across the world to another country.
You can justify all the moves in one way or another but I believe they were looking for some ideal utopia that doesn’t really exist. My mother in particular would often dislike the people in the area and did not ever really get to know anyone in a meaningful way.

Thank you so much for all your replies - glad I’m not alone!

Lots of things mentioned do resonate with me - there is a lot of nostalgia involved which doesn’t help, because actually moving back to my home city and living in a teeny dump with all the kids would eventually make me miserable - but then you have so much transport it’s easy to get about - and this is always what happens in my head! A never ending circle of pros and cons 😑

I didn’t have this feeling when I was renting as I embraced the fresh start (moving due to various reasons) but I do want a place I can settle - but again where 😑 I already feel tied down 😑 and I’ve been here nearly two years

💐