Putting house on the market and feeling safe

[apoetsmuse]

hi, just joined, friend recommended

I split from abusive partner of many years 5 years ago, it was my house. I live alone with my kids. I feel ive done well - had counselling, got my head around being independent, made new friends, kids happy and doing well at college with lots of friends, I manage my finances sensibly and im happy in my job

he doesn't live near us but every now and then he comes round the house and neighbours houses or my place of work, won't go in to it because its not really relevant but ive reported all this to the police who have basically said that what he does is low level harassment, he's clever because he does something and then we dont hear from him for months and months. police said best thing is to go to solicitor (but I cant afford that) because if the police were to take it forward it would take two years to come to court. they also say that he has a right to be in the neighbourhood because he once lived there and knows people there.

anyways, ive decided to move. I know he will find out my new address but at least the neighbours won't know him so it won't be so humiliating and he won't have an excuse to be in the area.

what I would like to know is, im worried about putting the house up on the market with pictures etc on the internet because I dont want him to know im moving and I dont want him looking at the inside of the house online. it may sound weird but the relationship was abusive and violent and I dont want him doing that, its my home. Ive never sold a house before. ive heard about people putting their home on the market and not having a for sale board up and the estate agent sort of screening people - by that I mean only letting people have the information about the house and booking people in to view the house if they can show they are actively selling their own property. I feel I want an estate agent I can tell that I want my privacy and personal security respected. would they understand or am I putting too many conditions on it if I actually want to sell the house?

You poor thing, it sounds horrible to still be frightened all these years later.

You can definitely have no sale board. I would have a serious conversation with the agent you choose, show them pictures of your ex and tell them no matter what he is not to be given any details etc as it will compromise your safety and he may sabotage the sale. You can also stipulate only viewers with an MIP etc can view, you could go further and only accept viewers who have accepted an offer on their own property, but that does tend to push people away.

@AGreatUsername, thank you.

I wonder if estate agents are vaguely used this sort of thing?

You definitely can do a low key sale, exactly as PP said. No advertising, agent will only invite people on their books interested in the area and size of house.
However, how designed is your house? If it's the type that will shift easily, maybe due to good school proximity or transport links, this is fine. But if it's a harder sell, you need to think about what's more important.

Sorry, desirable, not designed!

I’d definitely go with a small estate agency. I’ve just sold and after using a few agents (fell through a few times) used a small agency and knew all their three sales agents quite well. They would have been much better than some fo the agents with (quite frankly) uninformed idiots showing people round.

Also they can ask for details of the viewers’s own position and vet them a bit for you.
I don’t think you have to have the actual address on the listing, and you could have minimal interior pictures - no bedrooms maybe?

Best of luck

thanks all,
@ImaginaryCat I dont think it will be very hard to sell as it is on a nice estate - will appeal to ordinary families, affordable

@Girlwhowearsglasses I get what youre saying, my son had a friend whose mother worked for an estate agent and she gossiped about the owners/homes she went in. that makes me wary. I live in an area where everyone knows everyone else

I'd ask the estate agent whether they can market it to registered interested buyers first, without putting it online for now. High-end properties are often marketed like this.

Could you compromise and just have an outside shot, pic of kitchen and bathroom without any personals in and a floor plan?

You can’t be the only one in this situation. Talk to the estate agent.

I know this may sound daft but ensure there are no keys left out in the house to be copied.
If he has friends in the area they will tell him or they may have a snoop around with a camera for him.

@beanaseireann yes ive been thinking he would get someone to look round for him

thank you for suggestions that are making me think its a bit more manageable than I did previously