Respectable time/way to broach buying a house after someone dies

[CraazyCatLady]

We rent our house, and love the area. Love all the neighbours too and get on well with everyone.

Sadly, our next door neighbour died about a month ago. She lived alone and all her family live about an hour away.

We didn't see a lot of her, as she was quite frail and was a very private lady. We used to text though and our cat regularly went round to visit her.

Her family wanted her to move closer to them, and at one point she had agreed, and we were thinking of buying her house. In the end she decided to stay. She didn't know we were considering buying the house back then.

Now she's no longer here, I would imagine the family will put the house on the market. We would really like to buy it, so feel we should let them know our interest soon, so they can save money on estate fees etc, and so we don't miss out on it. It's not the most amazing house or anything, but it'd be great for us.

When do you think is an acceptable time to put a letter through the door and how do we say it without coming across thoughtless/selfish?

I wrote them a nice sympathy card and posted through her door after she died. Saying how sorry we were and how much we (and our cat) liked her. Obviously no mention of house then. We don't know the family and don't have contact details, so would be putting it through our neighbours door for them to find next time they visit.

Thanks for your help.

Just word it sensitively (which you obviously will), and do it.

I see no harm in doing this. However there may be complications if there is more than one beneficiary to contend with.

Drop them an nice card explaining the previous situation and asking if you can view the property when they’ve reached a fusion in its future.

When you meet suggest three valuations to show you’re being fair on price. And yes you will save money on estate argent fees.

Never. You will come across as being very mercenary and are taking a chance that you’ll be the last person they’ll sell to, if they put it on the market. If they put it on the market, then you could gently and respectfully approach them. People don’t get over the death of a decent parent in just a few weeks.

I would do it now and specifically mention hoping to save them estate agent fees. If you wait until it is listed they will have to pay the fees

You can word it sensitively, sooner rather than later now. Say you are mentioning it now to avoid possible estate agency fees, although you appreciate it's a sensitive subject..

I would have no problem with someone putting a sensitively worded note through my DP's letter box a few weeks after they had passed. They won't have the hassle of dealing with multiple viewings etc. And you're not saying you want to move in imminently, so they can quietly consider it as an option for them.

Do it now, just word it sensitively, and include the fact that you’d been interested in buying it some time ago when she’d planned to move away.

Thank you all, it's such a sensitive subject. I've mentioned it to a few people I know, and they've all said do it now, and that they'll probably be pleased not to have to deal with the stress of selling it.

I just feel a bit awkward, but also know that the lady would've been pleased to have known we'd moved into her house and not some strangers.

OP, I have an empty house to sell at the moment, after a death in the family. I didn't mind at all when one of my neighbours put a note through the door to ask about the possibility of buying the house. I let him have a look around. I thought it was a good idea and was quite pleased to be asked, as selling it that way would mean no messing around with estate agents and multiple viewings, and no getting involved in chains.

(And after he'd viewed the house and gone on and on about how much he liked it and how perfect it was, he then made me an insultingly low offer - and that did piss me off no end.)

I would send the letter by post as of yet live far away they may have a redirection on the address.

As long as you make it sensitive and kind I think it's OK.

Just write a letter and post it through her door - when my grandma died someone who knew her wanted to buy her house (it was in the middle of Cambridge so hardly surprising!) - they paid market value as per estate agents, but my family was very happy to sell it to them.

Failing that, keep a close lookout on Rightmove - but it was nice for my family to not have to go through the rigmarole of getting the house on the market in the first place.

How is what the OP suggested mercenary T0tallyFuckedUpFamily?
It could save the family a lot of money and hassle of selling through an agent. I would do it now OP, they may be relieved at the thought of not having to go through the stress of selling at a difficult time for them.

I think better face to face than a letter thru door from next door neighbour. Just say that you would like to discuss something with them if they don't mind next time they call. They may want to put it on the market though or they'd never know what offers they'd have got if not so you might make them feel awkward.

It's not mercenary as long you're happy to pay market value for it. Saves the family £££s on estate agent fees.

I would knock on the door next time someone is there, a note doesn’t seem right. Just explain and be honest

Oh actually (see my post above) I didn't mind getting a note at all, but I wouldn't have liked someone appearing at the door. That would have seemed quite intrusive, and hassling. I had time to think about the note, and decide whether or not I was interested in selling that way. I wouldn't have enjoyed being put on the spot with a personal visit.

Personally I'd do it now. I'm in the other position where a recently deceased family members home is now part mine and it's going on the market soon.
If nothing else they can tell the estate agent of you being ab interested party so they don't pay the fees if you do buy it

Well I have just sold my late mother’s house.
No way on earth would I have found a neighbour/friend expressing interest to be disrespectful or thinking ‘I’d got over it’ - I’d have welcomed it if done sensitively.

Dear x family - i’m the neighbour of your mum at number x. I know you are going through a difficult time dealing with grief and all of the practical things on top of that. I don’t know if you have even thought at all about your mums house. If the family were thinking of selling it I hope you don’t mind us letting you know we’d be interested in it. Obviously it is early days and you light not even be thinking about any of this yet but we thought we would let you know in case it was of interest to you.
In any event, Please let us know if there is anything practical we can do, living next door, to help. (Then possibly something a little personal about her having been a lovely neighbour - but not ott and nothing which would be read as if pressurising).

Hell my mums circle of friends and neighbours were far more straightforward than the above and several said at her memorial service that ‘when the time came’ to e in touch with them. But this was from life long family friends who had been huge help to me personally through the death and aftermath and who could see I was ‘ok’ so it was 100% appropriate and they knew it would be. Your situation needs different handling.

We sold my father's house to neighbours. They asked quite soon after the funeral. We were not the slightest bit offended.
No need for estate agents and we all agreed on the price by looking at recently sold houses in the area. Good luck.

I definitely wouldn't do it in person. If they're their to clear the house they may be feeling bery upset and emotional and not want to have to deal with someone on the spot

I think a sensitively worded note a month after she’s died is absolutely fine. My gran died 6 months ago, nobody is exactly over it emotionally but we still had to clear the house & get it on the market, or foot all the bills for it! My family would have welcomed a polite contact from an interested neighbour (although it ended up selling for 50% over asking price so probably wouldn’t have done them any favours financially!)

I definitely wouldn't do it in person. If they're their to clear the house they may be feeling bery upset and emotional and not want to have to deal with someone on the spot

Exactly. The only reason I was in the house was because I was clearing it. You really don't random visitors when you're doing that.

*don't want.

Oh, please give us an edit, MNHQ! We've all been asking you for about a thousand years!

Thank you all for your help and advise.

I'm going to put a letter through tomorrow and see what happens.

No idea when they'll next be at the house to pick it up, but least it'll be there waiting.