Finally have a sale, then snag!

[SparkleUK]

Hi all,
May be long winded and know I'll probably need legal advice but curious to hear others' ideas and experience too please! I'm 25, first house so first big life learning curve!

Have a house, been on the market a year, had to steadily reduce to get any interest and still no sale which I want quickly so ideally would need reducing again. My ex is on the mortgage with me as we weren't buying out and I would've been tied in for years to remortgage - he chose to leave to his mums. He has never paid the mortgage, always been me which can be shown in bank statements etc and he didn't object to house being up for sale.
It was discussed that he would pay half the divorce fee and any estate agents fees and it's been way over a year now since we split.

I've explored other options too and have got a sale but for £2000 under the mortgage amount (it's a rubbish mortgage as he had a default on his file). I've made him aware of this so basically we'd have no money to split and technically he would owe half the deficit. I've told him I'm happy to take this hit all myself as well as waive his half of the divorce fee etc, just to be rid of it and have an end to everything. I've also said he can have furniture from this house. I've paid the bills each month myself, I've never asked for his input and am pregnant so want to move to a house myself and my partner both own for baby.

He still won't agree as now he's saying he's the one who's lost out everything he worked hard for (the deposit for the house was paid out of wedding gifted money and the time I've paid bills far outweighs a few months he lived here) and it will take him years to put right. He did have some debt that I'm aware of e g. his own personal credit card and a next account. He's basically, reading through the lines, making out as if I'm responsible for helping him put right any other debt he has/is responsible for and wants money from the house to clear it. He wants to basically from what I can gauge, be in a total clear financial position but I don't see why this is my responsibility (we only had the house joint) nor why I'd want to be tied to him for years on end helping him sort out debt.

Is there anything I could do or say to him do you think? I've tried every option to be fair and I'm now at a loss. Thank you!

Also to note, I also at one point offered to walk away from the house free of anything and let him have it but he said he wouldn't be able to get a mortgage on it, I've neutrally re-decorated it to try and encourage interest so I really have tried everything, he just changes the goal posts all of the time. He also said his plan was to go bankrupt anyway 🙈

you say he's on the mortgage. Do you mean he is on the "deeds" as a joint owner of the house?

Is he a similar age to you? Might it be time to tell his parents what's going on? Not something you'd want to do, but they may be able to talk some sense into him. Or maybe he has a sensible friend?

Also, instead of reading between the lines, have you tried asking him outright want he wants and discussing things from there? Do you have a spreadsheet showing what he contributed and what you've contributed to show him in black and white that you have paid at least as much as him overall?

The alternative would be to default on the mortgage, have the house repossessed and for both of you to have that on your credit files which is hardly fair when you've been paying for things since he left.

@pigletjohn As far as I'm aware, yes, we were completely joint when we bought it. The house is currently on the market for £110,000 and has been for months with no success. The mortgage amount is just over £102,000 so offer depending plus all of the fees associated with selling if he won't let us go ahead with this one.

@wowfudge Thank you for those ideas. I hadn't thought of a spreadsheet so might be worth a go. I sent him a message explaining that this was an offer we'd had and he completely ignored that and just started talking about debt that he had and would be losing out. He is a couple of years older than me

@wowfudge, sorry quick to send! He has said before this that he worked out he wanted £3800 but if I could get a loan for £3000 to give to him, he'd go with that

Is he asking for the money on top of furniture, etc?

@wowfudge Yes, furniture on top of wanting money. He changes what he wants or says each time we speak so I can never keep up. Naively I'd hoped we could sort things out between us as for what equity is in the house, would it be worth it debt wise for it to go all the way to court?
He left the house as he didn't want to stay with the responsibility of the dogs, initially saying he wanted nothing at all. I took over all the direct debits. It was never my intent to stay here so buying out wasn't our option, selling was which he's never disputed (marketed since January). He's said he wanted to go bankrupt to get rid of debts but he wouldn't until he was off the mortgage.
Last time we spoke (occasion before this), despite it being up for sale, he made the above suggestion or said he'd come off the mortgage so I could remortgage this with my partner but if I signed something saying he'd get money on sale. Again, it's not my intent to stay here so I don't wish to remortgage it and if the sale isn't a wholly unreasonable offer but it leaves no equity to split and I've agreed to cover the shortfall, I don't see what else to do. He has said he couldn't get a mortgage himself on this house due to his credit so I'm a bit lost!

Perhaps you need to hit him with the be reasonable or we get legal and all debts and assets including the furniture go into the mix.
Here’s a record of what you owe me for the mortgage and costs since you left. Therefore we both walk away with nothing or we both go down together in a sea of legal fees.

Doubtful but might work?

During negotiation training, and subsequently, I was surprised to find that there are plenty of people who really will refuse a fair and logical deal because "winning" is more important to them.

They are willing to suffer themselves, as long as they can make their "opponent" suffer; and would rather both lose than allow their opponent to win.

Sad and stupid. But true.

(Trump, Trump, said Nellie)

Repossession would not be good for either of you. He left and has washed his hands of mortgage and bill payments so why does he think he's entitled to more money from you? It doesn't make sense, but maybe it is as PigletJohn states and he wants to win/get one over you. Does he know you are pregnant?

Thanks both. @wowfudge no, as I say, I've always tried to be careful with my credit and I do want to have a house for baby that we can be secure in both parents own.

Yes, he knows I'm pregnant as he turned up at one of my close relatives funerals where it was mentioned and we've discussed since. I explained I'd happily take the financial hit plus then there's all the moving costs but his reply was plainly just that 'I'm not making it a competition but, I've lost out massively'.
I don't know whether to just proceed with this house sale and deal with things further should he refuse to sign at the time

If he refuses to sign then that's really not fair on your buyers. Best to try to resolve things now.