Stay in the city or escape to the country?

[Dahliyah]

NC for this so I can post as much detail as possible then retreat to anonymity afterwards.

DH and I live in the south east on the coast. Not in a particularly posh area but not rough. We own an ex LA house which we have extended, modernised, decorated to our tastes. The house really works for us now, lovely garden, driveway, fantastic neighbours. 3 double bedrooms. We have one DC and trying for another. I work from home and my job involves having a local client base and good reputation. My husband works in the city centre and can get to and from work in 20 mins. He is home for DD bedtime most nights. There is a supermarket at the end of the road and the beach is 10 mins away. DD loves her nursery. Basically every box is ticked with this house and we would be crazy to move.

We really love our house, but I grew up in a market town in the countryside, and can't quite accept the fact that I'm now living in a city. I always imagined my kids would grow up in a village or small town, not a city. It's not like we are even that affected by noise or traffic but I have this urge to live somewhere where I can look out over green space and not the ugly houses that surround us.

Would we be crazy to move out of town? Our budget for a new place would be less than 500k which doesn't get much close to our city. I doubt we could get a house we love as much as our current home, and we put major blood sweat and tears into making it work for us. I am generally happy here most of the time but occasionally go away for the weekend and come back feeling really depressed that we live in the city and not in a village. Am I mad? To consider giving up everything we have here? The main factor is DH's commute, which would probably end up at 45 mins-an hour depending where we moved, obviously the places with direct train links to the city offer less for your money.

What do you think you would gain by moving to a small town or village? Personally I think you would be nuts given what you have currently going for you, although you might want to factor in schools for the next stage.

Have you seen a house anywhere else that would be a good switch?

We've been to view a couple which both needed major work (not a problem for us.) One was fantastic but needed more work than we could stretch the budget to. The other was on a really busy road. Schools are a big factor, DD starts in 2 years so would need to be moved by January 2021 to apply. If schools weren't a factor we would sit back and see what opportunities came up, but with that clock ticking we need to make a decision sooner or later, as we would expect to house hunt for a while to find the right new home for us (and sell ours in this market.)

How are the schools nearby your current place? Given all the boxes ticked by your house now, if the schools nearby are also good then yes, I think you would be mad to move! Totally understand that pull to village life though!

It's not going to be that long and DD will be at Secondary school - and then you will see the huge advantages of being in a city. Lots more to do, and she can do them under her own steam.
And having your DH have such a short commute is of immense benefit. And that is without having to rebuild your business from scratch.

Country living is not all that great. Public transport is close to non-existent. There are fewer youth clubs. And in some places you might be surrounded by fields, which is nice to look at but there are few places you can actually walk.

Country living always sound idyllic but if you have teenagers unless they are largely into the local horsey or YF scene there’s often not a lot to do and you’ll find yourself a taxi service.

Don't do it.

Been there got the T-shirt. I had the pangs of going back to the countryside and giving DC that village upbringing I had. It.was.shit.

Yes they got to play out in fields and ditches. But we really missed everything we previously had.

I had rose tinted glasses on and a heavy dose of nostalgia.

I think it can work for some people, but given your set up at the moment, I think you will be very disappointed. The grass isn't always greener.

Sounds like you're all confirming what I already know! Gah, I wanted you to all tell me to move and that life would be wonderful in the sticks.

You have what most people want. No way would I live in the country, for practical reasons.

Maybe go for a really long holiday to the countryside? Just try it out. See how much fun it is without pavements. Long commute for Dad. Lack of activities etc.

@Dahliyah I grew up in a small village of 300 people, 5 working farms, one main street, a pub, a post office/sweet shop and a church. There was a bus - it ran once an hour from 8am to 5pm to the local town and back. When at primary school it was lovely as there were lots of children and it was safe (within reason!) for us to play along the pavements or on the nearby park/field. However once we got to high school (11 years) the remoteness became an issue for many and we missed out on a lot of afterschool stuff simply because there was no public transport and mum didn't drive.

I brought my children up in a house right on the edge of a large village, small supermarket, park, surrounded by fields - was great. when they were teens we moved to a small village with nothing except a pub and it was horrendous. It was really cliquey so we had no social life and if we needed a pint of milk, we had to drive 3 miles each way! No public transport BUT surrounded by fields to walk the dogs and had some amazing views. The kids both loved and hated it mainly because they were first call for the school bus so had to leave the house at 7.30am!

Now kids have flown the nest (sort of!) and its me on my own I've moved to the edges of a small town and absolutely love it. I miss the fields and birds and open views but I absolutely LOVE being able to walk into town for a drink or meal or for a few bits of shopping. It doesn't take long to get into the countryside for walks or cycles and the benefits for me, outweigh the lack of open views.

I totally understand why you feel the village life would be more ideal but, knowing what I know now, as you are happy with your house, if I were you I would stay put. Village life isn't often like it used to be

I understand the longing OP and others have said it all. Would just add that, in my own experience, you can make rural living work - with a lot of taxi-Ing and pre- planning - until DCs hit 12 or 13. After that, they make their own plans and arrangements, and those living more rurally - such as my DCs - tend to find themselves a bit excluded. Not because they are not liked, but just because teenagers' arrangements tend to be of he 'meet me at the shop in 10 minutes' type. Or just dropping round to each other's houses.

I am in the process of moving back to town (though also leaving DH - but that's another story) mostly for the DCs benefit, for exactly this reason.

You would be mad.

We've made the opposite move and don't regret it one bit.

I wouldn't do it. The children will be grown up before you know it and if you're stuck in the country they won't be able to be independent of you regarding transport. I saw this as a country dweller of twenty something years, just moved outside a large city - bliss. We've exchanged our money-pit, cottage for a modern four bed detached with a small garden. I see loads more of our daughter now - easy transport links for us both. Also do you also want the hassle of re-establishing your lives somewhere else - it's a myth that people are welcoming in the country - it's certainly not always the case!

A compromise. Move to the burbs on the edge of your city.

We live on the edge of London. Still dead easy for DH to get to work: he takes the train or cycles (into central London). Equally, we are within walking distance of fields with sheep etc

Thank you everyone for your advice. It's actually really good to see such a strong consensus, and given I was worried that moving to the sticks would be a bad call, seems like you've said it all. Where I grew up, we lived in the centre of a market town, could walk to every school I went to, and to the pub/shops too. It was perfect really, I should have appreciated it more as a teenager. I guess that's what I'm looking for but it doesn't seem to exist down here. So looks like I'm staying put! Thanks again everyone.