Horns of a dilemma

[AuldBiddie]

I’m an older woman (though not quite dead yet). I’ve three grown children who I raised as a single parent with minimum help from their father.

I won’t pretend that things weren’t tough at times, most of my life seems to have been a race between robbing Peter before Paul cottoned on. However things improve if you hang in there.
These days I’m pretty comfortably off, I own my (very ordinary) semi and I’ve a decent sum behind me, I’ve certainly no money worries.
I work full time and TBH I’m extremely good to my children and grandchildren. I pay for holidays and other wee luxuries they can’t afford and I love being able to do it after years of scrimping.
I am coming to the end of my working life (I’m 60) and I’m thinking of buying a house in a much better area. It’s not exactly rough here but it’s rougher than I was once used to. The thought of going back to a decent house in a nice area definitely appeals.
The downside is it will take most of my capital to do it (not all but about most) and a lot of the little luxuries I now enjoy will have to be curtailed. Certainly I will no longer be in a position to help my kids as much as I do.
I’m completely torn.

So what do you advise ladies. I stress I won’t be skint if I move but I’ll have to think twice before I replace the car or pay for my granddaughters school trip.
Nice house in a nice area versus cash in the bank?

Nice house if you can buy it without debt, perhaps downsize . But try and make it future proof, so you dont need to move again..say 2 bed bungalow with smallish garden and conservatory . I'm the same age as you (slightly older ) and thats what im planning in a few years ..

I’d downsize to a smaller property in a nicer area and try to keep some cash so you can treat yourself (not so worried about you treating your grown kids!). At 60 you may have a good 20-25 years or more!

I’m looking at a three bed bungalow that needs a bit of modernising. Nothing huge or structural just to make it to my taste.
The cost to me (including a new kitchen etc) would be about £100k plus the sake of my existing house

I think you should move to a nicer area. A bungalow is a nice idea too. You can still be a lovely supportive Mother without paying for luxuries for them.

I’d go with the nicer area too/it’s all about quality of life

Without sounding morbid it’s time you think about your own comfort as well. Your kids and grandkids no doubt have appreciated your support and treats but you need to be comfortable where you live as well and if moving is what it takes then you should do it. A nice little bungalow sounds like a good plan, go for it.

Nice area / house and better quality of life over more cash, definitely.

You're investing in your kids' future - that bungalow will be worth more when you're no longer here.

It’s hard. It’s not just about luxuries it’s about having enough money to keep us all safe if things go pear shaped.
Possibly it’s because I lived with nothing for so long but money, while it doesn’t solve all problems, makes everything easier.
I work with a very nice wee lass who came to work crying yesterday, her old dog was dying and she was heartbroken. She had the vet out, they’d did what they could but nature was taking its course.
She was crying again today, she’d phoned the vet and she owed them £500.
I’ve been that soldier. I’ve had unexpected bills that I had no idea how I’d pay. I don’t want my children to live that life. I’ve worked myself half to death to make sure they didn’t have to. Is it sensible to buy myself a house and not be there for them when they need me?
We can go on and on about how they are adults but they are my kids. They are the reason I got up in the morning and went to work, they are the reason I studied to get a better job.

You’ve got loads of good life ahead of you! Enjoy it!

Move to a nice area and downsize and future proof re downstairs bedroom and bathroom and manageable garden etc

I’m sure you’ve put your children first for ever, this is your time now and your children wouldn’t want you to stay where you weren’t happy just so you could give them bits of money

Are your children financially independent? You mention grandchildren so I am guessing so. Time to let go of the reins and let them pay for the little treats.

If it all goes tits up can you get yourself a lodger?

Move to the nicer area. For all the treats, emergencies etc could you set up a rainy day savings account, even a small amount saved weekly/monthly just in case it’s needed.

Go for it!
Tell your dcs what you're doing and why.
It sounds like you've raised them to be decent people so they should understand what you are doing.

Do it. My DM is very generous with us in terms of little luxuries but I’d really hate to think that she sacrificed something she wanted in order to pay for them.

You could easily have 20 years in this new house, you’ve absolutely got to do it if it’s what you want.

Allowing your adult DC to manage themselves IS being kind. It is not actually helpful long term to fix everything for them.

I think most grown up children would urge you to spend your money on you, not on us. It's yours, it's hard earned, you certainly don't owe it to us.

However I do get where you're coming from - it's a significant quality of life thing to have decent savings in case the boiler goes or the car engine needs to be replaced. You don't take that for granted, you value it, and at 60 you could have 30+ years of this contingency to budget for, even if just looking after yourself. You shouldn't be taking responsibility for all of these instances for your children, but I can see that you would want to help out the occasional son or daughter in need.

I think there is a middle way here. Stop paying for luxuries like holidays for everyone. Definitely move, you clearly want to and you owe it to yourself really. I think personally I'd go the middle ground of finding a smaller house in a lovely area, and keep a bit of money aside for contingency. If you go for the bigger house you can downsize later if you need to free up cash, but it'll cost you thousands to move again. But it completely depends on how constraining it would be to you to spend the extra £100k. If you're just looking for someone to say spend it on yourself not your kids - yes, 100%. But myself I'd rather have a 2 bed bungalow and more in the bank so I didn't have to worry about funding my next car, or private health treatment if the NHS wait is ridiculous.

Why don't you view some properties to see what's out there? It might help you decide?

Definitely move! Now is the time to enjoy what you have worked so hard for.

We have just used all the equity we had to move. I am younger than you but passionately believe that you have to make yourself happy as you get older

Even if you're a busy person in retirement, with family and interests, you could well be spending more time at home and it's really important for your well-being that your house and area are pleasant.

And I notice that my elderly neighbours reach a point where they can't face moving. It comes with age for many people. So if where you live isn't that nice, it's much better to move sooner rather than later when you can still have many years of pleasure from your new home.

A house is an asset, the extra £100k isn’t being wiped out, it’s going into an asset which you will own forever, it’s just going from a liquid asset, to an illiquid asset. Indeed in the long term it will increase in value more than it will in your bank account - and your children will have more to inherit in 30+ years time, unless you leave it all to a cats home . Of course if push came to shove, there are ways to release equity in a home, or perhaps you could take out a very small mortgage to keep some savings back - interest rates are very low. But I think you should do it, ten years from now the gap between your house and the bungalow in that area will likely have got wider and you won’t be able to afford it, you’ll regret it then.