Neighbour complains about EVERYTHING

[Wittsendargh]

Is it just me and my bad luck? Or is there a breed of people who complain about everything?

I live in a semi-detached house on a small estate near a seaside town. Never had any problems until the new neighbour moved in 18 months ago. Since then, she has complained about everything and it's really starting to get me down. For example, we have a hot tub so I put a pagoda around it. Neighbour complained it was spoiling her view (even though it was to the far left of our garden and out of her direct view), so we moved it. We have a large dog who until they moved in and their kids played in the garden, made little or no noise. But their constant banging of the football makes him bark and it is loud, I admit. When they're not in, he's quiet. So, we built him a kennel and a run at the back of our house so he's away from their fence. But they put a complaint in to the council that we had build a permentant fixture without planning consent. This was quickly dismissed, it's a kennel, not an extension.

Then there's the skitty Facebook remarks, which one of the other neighbours always comments on. We were having a BBQ at Easter and she put something on about not being able to enjoy her garden due to the smell. Other neighbour commented that she could smell it too, and hoped it would be over quickly. Surely I'm allowed a BBQ? I don't say anything when they have joint BBQs (with no invite for us), and I don't have anything to say?

It's making me not want to enjoy my garden, or even make niceties with them anymore. I know all of her skitty remarks are aimed at me, although when i challenged her she just denied it. I have to put up with her older children's garden parties (two younger kids, two late teens), which involves smoking and swearing. Again I don't say anything as it's their garden, they can do what they want. But should I start being an arse back? Even though this would most likely mean a complete fall out, and probable exclusion from other neighbours too? I really don't get what people like about her, and dislike about me?

Sounds awful. Forget the niceties, she doesn’t deserve any effort at all. Stick your nose in the air when you see her. Block her on FB, don’t lower yourself to her level at this stage, but record teenage parties etc in case you need to start being an arse back at some point. I’ve had a few nasty neighbours over the years and they usually get sussed out by others at some point. It’s because of people like these I keep myself to myself neighbour wise!

Some people just like to complain, about everything. They like playing the victim.

Ignore the FB stuff, so what if they can smell your BBQ? Channel Madagascar film, smile and wave boys. In fact (totally outs self) we had a very nosy neighbour when we were children, every time she heard a car start she would be up at her lounge window looking out (big 1970s window.) My Dad would reverse off the drive, pull level with her house, and tell us "Wave at Sandra" and we bloody did. All of us in the car, waving at her. Still makes me laugh to this day.

I don’t know about anyone else but I love the smell of a BBQ! is she vegan?

OP she’s a misery guts. Every time she complains to you smile, say “no problem” and then carry on exactly as you are. Tell her you’ll sort whatever it is she is complaining about but then don’t bother. She’ll soon realise you aren’t going to be pushed around any more.

Delete them both from Facebook.

I used to get the hump with my neighbours BBQ because they fired it up when I had washing on the line. As long as you're not doing that you have done nothing wrong. Don't lower yourself to their standards

I'd have had to go and speak to her after the Facebook post to be honest. I'd be completely blanking her in the future and making a note of any issues she causes you, no matter how trivial. If she's the type to try and get you in trouble for having a dog kennel, then god knows what else she will complain about.

Do you leave the dog outside to bark when they are playing?

@WitchDancer I wouldn't think to consider a neighbour's washing when planning a BBQ. Yabu to expect anyone to wait until someone's washing is dry to have a BBQ in their own garden.

@WitchDancer no I always check the washing line situation, although she once made a point of putting some tea-towels on the line when it was clear we were already cooking 🤷‍♀️

Thanks everyone for the advice, it really is making me pretty miserable. My partner works away for weeks at a time, so I feel pretty isolated hence why I keep the niceties. I just don't get why she's so against me. I work full time, I have a dog walker who sees to the dog and ensures he is back in his area when she leaves. We had all the expense of the new fence, dog run etc. Yet she never seems to be happy.

You leave your dog outside alone all day?

@Pinkyyy I did speak to her after the post, but she kind of fluffed and said it wasn't aimed at me, it was a "general" comment. And @Aquamarine1029 the dog is outside when I'm at work and her little ones aren't at school yet so I couldn't say 100%. But both the dog walker and the cleaner have said he is quiet when they arrive/leave. In fact the cleaner even thought we didn't have him anymore as she couldn't see/hear him! I do have a camera on the back garden and other than barking to catch my attention when I arrive home, there's nothing. We moved the dog to the other side of the house so that he can't really hear their kids now, again done to please her.

Pinkyyy - would you not go to your neighbours and tell them you are having a BBQ, therefore giving them chance to bring in the washing? Only good manners in my book! I mean, who wants their washing smoke flavoured?

@Aquamarine1029 yes he stays out while I'm at work in the summer months. He would begrudge being inside when he has lots of space to roam around in outside.

I'm wondering if your dog barks more than you know. If so, it's no wonder she's pissed off.

@Aquamarine1029 I've had no complaints about the dog barking, other than from her. My previous neighbours worked shifts, and never said anything about him. The walker comes twice a day and insists he is quiet. I also have a camera on him and it's very rare he barks. I've done everything I can to ensure I am causing no problems, the dog is only one of a list of things she complains about.

There have been many posts on Mumsnet with neighbours like this, so they are clearly a breed of people. I think you were wrong to move your pagoda because that told her you would accommodate her unreasonable requests.

Keep in mind it's her, not you, and do all you can to keep her out of your thoughts. Block her on Facebook, keep any interactions/response to complaints light and breezy, "No we won't be doing that" with a polite smile and close the door etc. I always think there is a power element to this behaviour, so don't give her any.

@RogersVideo I didn't want to move it, but my partner didn't want any hostility while he was away so thought it best to comply.

But I really do feel I'm very lenient. Take today, I'm working from home. Back door is open so dog can come and go as he pleases. Mother and one of the teenagers are in their garden. My washing was on the line but I've had to bring it in due to the cigarette smoke. My house is also starting to smell of it. Not to mention the mini disco going on. Dog can obviously hear them as he's round this side of the house with me, but isn't barking. Yet I can just crack on with my work without complaining. I'm sure she would have something to say if it was the other way around!

Move your pergola back to where YOU want it, in YOUR garden.

I don’t do FB, but if I did I’d just comment on all of her complaints and comment about her noisy youngsters in the garden and the partying, swearing older ones having parties.

I’d make PA comments to the dog too. ‘Oh Alfie, such a shame the noisy children are disturbing your nap in the sun’

BBQ every night.

I’m vegetarian, I live close to my neighbours, I hang washing out. I do not give a flying fuck if they have a BBQ in their garden, even if it’s most nights when the weather is fine.

Don’t let the moaning cow get to you.

People find neighbours’ hot tubs really really annoying. I bet she has a background level of irritation from that and the dog so she is easily annoyed by anything.

@ChariotsofFish I do agree on the noise of the hot tub. I'm hoping the novelty of them wares off soon with the kids so I can get rid of it. They only go in it every now and again anyway.

@WitchDancer I can't say that I would, but then I don't have neighbours so perhaps it's not my place to say. I just don't think it would cross my mind.

Also I agree with @IncrediblySadToo that you can have your pergola wherever you want to in your own garden and should move it back, especially if this is their thanks to you.

would you not go to your neighbours and tell them you are having a BBQ, therefore giving them chance to bring in the washing? Only good manners in my book!

Nope nor would I expect it. When the sun is shining people have bbqs.

Well another interesting weekend with the neighbours, swearing, smoking, burning the contents of the waste bin in the middle of the afternoon...but then comes around to ask my child to stop singing as it's "irritating". Also a plus for her is our hot tub has burst, so at least I can't disturb her with that!

Have a list ready if she complains again just remind her that compromises make good neighbours. After all, you don't complain about the overly noisy children. You never moan that you can't enjoy your garden thanks to the cigarette smoke, the loud music and the rubbish burning and as such, wouldn't it be lovely if she gave you the same curtesy?
Have a list ready in your head and remind her that she is no better a neighbour than you.

And say it all with a smile. Fuck it, throw in a tinkly laugh and a head tilt too!

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist I said exactly the same thing to my partner last night.
She only seems to complain when he's not here so I don't feel as confident to challenge her back as I don't want a confrontation. But it's time i grew a pair and started challenging back. My daughter is at performing arts school, she's rarely home and when she is she's always practicing. She has been taught how to sing, so it's hardly out of tune or "irritating". I'm going to write a list so next time I can say, hang on a minute, what about x/y/z. I'm sick of her pulling me down and complaining, time I put my foot down 😡