Buy forever home and compromise on job or wait?

[JacksonvilleJaguars]

Posting for opinions/WWYD or perhaps you done something similar.
DH & I desperate to move, have to move for the sake of our health more than anything. In the SE so v expensive but current jobs mean we can buy what we need house wise. We could buy the forever house and not have to move again.

However, I've been studying and will qualify in September for a very much longed for career change. I'd have to go self employed and would earn minimal whilst trying to build the business up, or perhaps go part time at work until business is sufficient. This would put pressure on us financially.

Do we:
a) stay where we are in a flat we hate but is v affordable by DH whilst I give a new career a shot
b) compromise on house and move to an area we don't want to be, in a house we'd rather not live but does get us out of the flat and me still a chance at career change
c) buy forever house and will have to do new career on weekends and really try to overpay so I can try a career change in a few years
d) any other ideas?

I'm worried about prices here, getting stuck somewhere or buying v expensive house and having to stay in a job I resent to afford it, but equally not being able to deal with life in the flat either. All so depressing (and sorry for long post)

Hm, it's a tough one. If you don't outright hate your job to the point of it being detrimental to your mental health, I would muddle through.

House prices will likely only rise, and probably faster than your wages. Especially if you are effectively going down to a low income and will have to build it up. What if you never build it up? The house will never happen.

Unless it's a market that can be exploited quickly, I would build it up on weekends until it is sustainable enough to throw the towel in on your full time job, or even drop to part time.

At the end of the day, it really is a head or heart decision. Head- rational, buy the house and muddle through.

Heart- sack the job and the house (potentially forever) and go full steam into your new career.

I would wait. I made a decision like yours. Hated the job and felt stuck as had a big mortgage. Wait until u get that job and then make that forever house move. It's easier to change jobs when you are financially secure

A or C, definitely not B!

Thank you Alarae, it's very much head or heart.

I detest my job, have done for a long time hence the study but there are perks such as being able to work from home most of the week and a lovely boss. It's also lower paid because of those perks so I could in theory move jobs to earn more to go towards house overpayments. Would have to sell my soul for the money though. I'm 35 and worried about starting a career change too late, but also very valid comments you've made that it might not take off. Dilemma

A.
Also i dont believe in forever homes. Circumstances change.

Thank you Tokyo & Hara. I feel so torn

Hollow - yes definitely.
We're were only meant to be in this flat for a year, change of circumstances means this weekend is the 10 year anniversary of living here

Is there a possible option D - like B but move to a different flat, so your money goes a bit further?

I think you need to go by what's the least worst option for you really. Can you stomach a few more years in your current place, knowing that while your income dips, moving might be unaffordable for a while? Can you stomach a few more years doing a job you hate that much, knowing that you can't afford to quit? I think this needs to be a heart decision to some extent - is the flat or the job worse?

I think the flat is worse, the people around us make it hell. I have thought as we'll be much happier when away from here, that perhaps work won't seem too bad. With work and home being awful it compounds things, so if we can improve one situation we'd potentially be more forgiving of the other

It sounds awful.

I think if it were me both A and C make more financial sense but sanity is important, and that would push me towards B or D. Look at the cheapest places in the area you want to live in and think if any have potential to extend, or see if you can compromise a little on location and get a really nice flat.

Like Hollowvictory says, I don't believe in forever homes. You can be happy in a smaller house, a flat, a different town, whatever.

C!! Definitely. A forever home is more important to me than a career as a career change can happen in a couple of years but if you miss out on your forever home then you'll always be wondering. For me anyway!

I hear you that you hate your job. I know what it is like to hate a job, but it sounds like the job has quite a lot going for it; work at home, nice boss, potential to change.

Count your blessings with the job. You could be stuck in a dead end with no prospects, no moving to another company possible, dysfunctional management, horrible commute and team members you don’t get on with.

Yuck.

Not that life should be a race to the bottom, but it sounds like your job has some redeeming features. What about the living situation?

Is your DH likely to get any kind of a pay rise? Does he enjoy his job?

Thank you all. We've been out viewing 6 houses today. Our neighbours have been exceptionally shit since I started this post and made us realise that we cannot live here any longer.

As far as work goes I have no prospects, I've been through 3 company mergers, 10 rounds of redundancy, had team mates become really good friends and see them lose their jobs, working in a toxic environment etc. I do realise I have some good things going with the WFH and not having to commute so much and my boss is fab. I just can't spend my last 35 working years in the same job I've done all my life so far. DH loves his job, very clever man, paid well and is always learning, improving and moving up. He inspires me to be better hence killing myself with college, working full time etc.
Currently listening to shit neighbours and thinking I really need to escape this

Surely there is a happy medium between the glorious house which keeps you in the rat race forever and staying put, though? We live somewhere brilliant, perfect location, perfect size for us, 300k cheaper than I even dreamed was possible. If you are really clear re what the (very few!) "red lines" are for you, it's worth viewing as many places as you can, really widely, and see what you turn up. Never just make an appointment to view one house- always ask the agent what else they can show you at the same time. You'll see some hopeless stuff, but that's the way to uncover the gems. And perhaps it means buying somewhere which needs some (not desperately urgent) work, which you can then do once your income is back up again. (Eg, somewhere nice enough, but which could be extended to be amazing)

Maybe I should explain, what I mean by forever house is somewhere we can move and not move again preferably. We're looking at a semi or sometimes a detached, with 2 or 3 bedrooms with our only essentials being a garage and a driveway. Not looking anywhere near the top end of our budget, just somewhere we can call home. I'm in a commuter area of the SE where an ex council house in a 'rough' area costs £350k though, dream houses most definately out of reach sadly

Does moving career change your search area? If you only have DH's commute to allow for, could you move further out from London for example? There are many parts of the SE that are lovely places to live and much cheaper than that.

It does yes, I'll be working mobile and in the car so would have much more freedom but would need to be fairly central for my client base, whereas at the moment I'm needing to be near a station for city commuting and I start work at 7.30am.
For DH he works 12 hour shifts so with his current drive he's out of the house for 13.5 - 14.5 hours a day depending on traffic.

We looked at houses today in a town we hadn't considered previously. Still very much ex council type but much better town in regards to crime and generally more 'nice' if that makes sense. Strangely it would only make a difference of 15 minutes extra for both DH and I train/car journey wise but the station is more of a pain to get to so would mean getting up at 4.45am each day I'm in the office but all things we really need to weigh up

Part of our quandary is currently I'm employed with no issues getting a mortgage (we had a purchase fall through in Jan). If I wanted to change career that's moving to self employment and won't get a mortgage until I have a few years of books

It sounds like moving now is definitely what you need to do- no point being miserable.
If you knew that the 4:45am starts we're just for, say, one year max, would the house in the new town be a goer? Would going part time while your business grows be a possibility? If you were part time, working partly from home, that 4:45 could be just once a week.

DH and I spoke today about the situation at length as still having issues with neighbours again today. His feeling is whilst financially comfortable here, health is more important. I think he's worried I'll lose my shit with neighbours again and they're not worth it (they purposely provoke us). So at least that rules out option a.

One of the houses we loved yesterday so took a drive round there this morning to see it at a different time of day. Still peaceful round there ha ha! We're not sure about the price but would get us out of here. Also means I would be staying in my current job but doing building up potential new career on the side.
If we can get the house for a decent price, DH suggested I drop a day at work which we hadn't really discussed previously. So perhaps we're thinking a mixture of option c and d?

Are you tied to your particular area for work? We are in SE and moved from one area closer to London where prices were inflated to one a bit further out to get our ‘forever’ home - there lots of places that are wonderful where 350k goes significantly further...In our case it was the best thing we ever did 😁

Not tied to an area as such, but we are considering DH commute time and costs when thinking of moving further back.
A massive benefit of DH job is free travel for him and I on the TFL network. This means on my current commute I only pay travel on the portion of line not currently covered by TFL. If it extends as planned then I'll pay even less. As DH works a 12 hour shift, and out of the house for up to 14.5 hours we are loathe to extend that time by moving further back especially after a night shift. We also currently live within walking of the station.
The area we mostly looked in yesterday is 2 towns back, and would cost £8 a day parking and extra £650 a year on the train. The house we like is in the town along from us, same price on the train but walking distance.
I hope I'm not coming across as difficult, I'm appreciating the comments and suggestions. I guess it's why I reached out on here as sometimes it feels like we're going round and round trying to work out to do for the best

If you are going round and round then sometimes it means that there just isn't a one "best" option and a duff one- pros and cons for each and they can all be right and good in the long term. If you toss a coin, how does that make you feel? If grim both ways then either you need more options or in fact you are depressed (but that doesn't sound like the case). What if you move to Paris??? Or the Isle of Mull?? Sometimes thinking WAY out of the box helps you see the wood for the trees...

It sounds like you are making progress. It's a huge decision. I would try to think in terms of areas rather than specific houses, especially if you are selling and need to sell your flat first.

Walking distance to the station is a huge thing to give up, especially doing shift work. The consensus in my office was an extra 10 mins on the train was neither here nor there, whereas less frequent service or an extra leg of the journey (or bus or car) added significantly to the mental load of the commuting.