The old commute/location question

[lostlondoner]

Would you rather:-

1. Live in London and have a small commute/run in, but negatives of London - pollution, high costs, slightly more stress of more people/less space. Don't know anyone here now but easily get to see friends still. Adore London but might feel guilt of not bringing up children in countryside.

2. Live in commuter belt and have an hour plus commute but slightly more breathing space. Know people here but haven't really settled (but getting there!). Nice but dull! Can access nice countryside and London fairly easily.

3. Live on the coast not in commuter belt and have a studio flat in London. Wouldn't see DH 4x week but nearer parents. No other friends nearby. Benefit of coastal living for all but not seeing DH. Might feel isolated.

Hi! I'm asking myself - and everyone else - the same question and I haven't figured out the right answer yet.
I'd exclude the 3d option cause I wouldn't like not to see part of the family for days (kids may get nervous every Sunday night), I would need to get very organised not to forget things in the other home or having clothes and stuff doubled, and I'd simply not like to work too far from home.
Ideally I'd look for a green and not very polluted area within London but not too central and with a commute not more then 30/40 mins into central London. But I'm not sure such area exists! Maybe south east London or south west.
And for the prices I would prefer a smaller place in a nice area then a cheaper one in a place that I don't like.

With a shortish commute you could look at Berhamsted or other towns such as St Albans in Hertfordshire. Plenty going on and proper communities. Depends where work is in London but there is also The Chalfonts area of Bucks plus Beaconsfield, Gerards Cross and surrounding villages. All under 30 mins to London. Not suburbs but you get decent facilities with village or small town vibe and a sense of community.

I wouldn’t go as far as the coast. You also have some pleasant towns in East and mid Berkshire and Maidenhead will get crossrail. That will make it popular. Again, villages around Maidenhead are great and Marlow is lovely.

I chose living in the city centre (not London) and i'm really glad. We've cultural stuff on our doorstep and my commute is pretty ok. I grew up in the suburbs close to the city and would have hated to have lived in the country as a teenager. I'd prefer to have time with my family than in my car.

1. Without a doubt.

Hour plus commute is, presumably, when everything runs to time?

I'm not sure many kids want to grow up in the countryside.

I wouldn't do 3 I've done that for the last 5 years its very isolating and lonely unless you want to be on your own lots. I'm about to do 2 although its 30 mins and into Cambridge for me its simple economics. I can have a better quality of life cheaper without the downsides of town life like crime and pollution.

Oh the countryside thing is interesting. I think I've had it drilled into me that children should be in the countryside.
It's such a difficult decision. We're in 2 situation and I'm trying to make it work but it feels like worst of both worlds instead of best!
We're so tied to London. My DH does long hours a lot and has to be in most days. I think if we had the choice to relocate cities we might do that, or if he could work at home 3x week moving further out would work but not at the moment.

There are millions of children thriving in London.
Loads of parks and woods
Depending where you are a short drive to country parks
What do you want from the country side for your children?
What will they get there that you can't give them on London? Cleaner air yes.

Option 1 in a heartbeat. Everyone I know who was brought up in the countryside left as soon as they could. There is so much for kids to do in London and like a pp said there are loads of parks and woods around. Have you thought about somewhere like Kingston- still in the zone system, but lots of green spaces, near the river etc..

I think it very much depends on your family life and career. I would have thought it would be pretty restricting for one parent's career if they are living alone with the children four nights pw. Also, there may be certain challenges to the couple relationship if one person has a thriving London social life and one person is at home with the children. Of course, money plays a big part - you need a pretty big income to buy a family home in a nice area in central London. We compromised by living in outer London. Under one hour door to door for work and much lower fares than moving out to somewhere such as Guildford if you both commute.I don't understand why you would feel guilty about bringing up children in London - it's a fantastic city with so much to offer. If you can afford somewhere such as Richmond, Wimbledon, Kingston, there is lots of green space on your doorstep, easy access to the country and the benefits of free Oyster travel for the children.

Where in London does your DH have to get to each day? Some overland trains are v fast and efficient but you then don’t want to chug for another 40 mins on the tube. If his office is based near a main line train terminal then I would look to see if there was anywhere interesting. I grew up in the suburbs - v dull - not one thing of the other. Where I am now small rural village it is only 18mins in fast train to central London. My teens go in whenever they want.

I chose the commute (19 years ago now)

I wasn't a great London person anyway, so after 13 years in Zone 2 I found the space and proximity to countryside just glorious!

I love central London. I was there last night and it is beautiful. But I find it better as a visitor.

I live 35 minutes away from Waterloo and it really is the best of both worlds. The only problem I have ever found is getting back late, which is a pain so I don't do it very often.

I'm also questioning the guilt of not bringing up children in countryside

I grew up in the countryside. It was not all that. I'd rather have lived in a town and been near friends and things to do.

Just throwing this into the mix.
Option 4. Change location of job or take on new career?

Don't underestimate the effect of a long commute. Both the physical and mental health effects. I would never recommend a regular commute of more than 50mins door to desk.

Thank you all. I think the guilt thing comes with thinking kids in the countryside have more freedom - I used to bumble about the fields out the back of our house where I grew up and had friends I could walk to without needing parents. That said yes come teenagehood it was a different matter!!!

DH is Cannon Street. We're thinking Blackheath. Bit green near the river. Access back out to Kent and friends. I love Richmond bit commute not much different to where we are.

Alas no chance of career change for DH.

London is very polluted. I'd be OK making the decision to live there just myself (knowing that I'd be trading my health against the benefits of living there), but I would really think twice about kids. I hope you'll do some research on excess deaths and asthma associated with London pollution.

We have just had this exact dilemma! We have gone with 2 (1 hour commute) which is also 3 (close to family). We are also looking at buying a 2 bed apartment in the city and renting out one room and the commuting spouse have the option of staying over a few times a week.

We went with 2 as we'll be mortgage free and close to my dp who we've just moved to Aus to be closer to so option 1 felt a bit redundant to me.

The advice we got was to go for option 1 but after 10 years living in London I needed space and some fresh air!

I'm another one who was a teen in the countryside and was bored brainless. Absolutely fuck all to do, no cinema, no youth clubs for teens, no public transport and in those days parents weren't personal taxi services so no way of getting to civilisation. And it meant I was so unstreet-wise when I went to uni, I had absolutely no clue. No surprise to learn I'm bringing up my son in a small city! With a bus service!

had friends I could walk to without needing parents

Much more chance of being able to get to friends without needing parents in a town than in the countryside. And that becomes more of an issue if you have 4, and especially if one parent has a long commute and so isn't available for taxi duty.

As someone who was born & raised in SW London I survived & thrived. The countryside, lots of driving & long commutes have never appealed to me. Our home is smaller than Id like but 50 metres from the common & 15 mins walk from my mum so I would lose a lot by moving. The coast does appeal & moving to another city would be an option for us, some friends have gone to Bristol, Manchester & Edinburgh & are very happy.

We chose 1. Thing is, by the time they're old enough to realise the local common and woodlands isn't actually a forest, they're old enough to travel more easily if they do want to go to the country. My experience of growing up in 2 was not having friends in walking distance and having to rely on grumpy parents cars to see most friends. My kids can walk to a few friends already and will soon be old enough to get buses around to the others.

Thing with countryside is often the fields etc are private and kids can't play in them anyway (and farmers who let children play in haystacks etc years ago don't now). So need to check carefully. Speeding traffic is more of an issue outside London, ditto lack of pavements. And friends outside envy the number of school trips my kids get (the school is particularly good at seizing opps but free travel means they can easily go somewhere at short notice).

Though I grant you London is horribly crowded and expensive so very happy for people not to move here...

4. 20 minute commute on a fast line ie St Albans! Best of both worlds

Thanks for helpful food for thought. I think we've ruled out 3 now at least! Maybe if we win the lottery we'll buy a seaside holiday place now to just decide between 1 and 2...

I chose (1) but am giving serious thought to changing to (3). Only uncertaintly around my job due to Brexit has stopped me going ahead with (3).

(2) is an absolute no-no for me. My idea of hell on earth!

I grew up in the countryside and had a fabulous time. I still retreat to the countryside when I need to, it's my 'safe place'. I could never contemplate bringing up kids in a city. They just seem to grow up way too fast in cities.

For us it was also a health issue moving out of London. Dh asthma got incredibly bad over the years we lived there. It is now so much better we are both surprised at the difference.

I grew up in the country and was bored but it doesn't need to be big city versus cow paddocks, there is an in between.