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Original poster

Moved to suburbs and hate it

35 replies

AmhrannaMara · 20/10/2018 12:55

I live in a small city (previously lived in London) and until a few months ago we'd be renting in a buzzy row of terraces closeish to the city centre.

We have bought a house that's further out, in a more suburban area. We bought this house because it was the best we could afford and had a nice garden for our daughter. It's our first home.

On the map and on visits it didn't feel too far. But it is in reality. Its deathly quiet here, and 15-20 minute walk to the nearest shop. We don't drive so we're cycling everywhere.

I'm not sure what I'm saying really. We regret moving here, it feels quiet, lonely and inconvenient. We're both city people and this was a mistake made in a rush.

Has anyone else moved to the suburbs and grown to like it?

OP posts:

Fishforclues · 20/10/2018 13:07

I like our town, but I would never choose to live here if we didn't both drive.

LizzieSiddal · 20/10/2018 13:12

If I were you I’d save up to move and get on with it. Life’s too short!

TheCrowFromBelow · 20/10/2018 13:25

What else is there in your area? Parks, schools, leisure centres etc?

Sometimes what you need now isn’t what you’ll want in a few years. How old is your daughter?

Original poster

AmhrannaMara · 20/10/2018 13:28

They're 3. There's parks, schools etc but all a good 20 minute walk away. I know that doesn't sound much but it's pretty far with a 3 year old.

OP posts:

Fishforclues · 20/10/2018 16:06

Also bear in mind that what you dislike about it now, your DD will probably dislike as a teen.

Muddlingalongalone · 20/10/2018 16:13

I'd learn to drive first and see if that changed the dynamic but otherwise save up and move, or rent your house out & rent elsewhere??

Cazz81 · 20/10/2018 16:29

Can you make friends in the new neighbourhood ? Having a group of nice mummy friends can help. 20min walk doesn’t sound too bad... once the kids can scoot/cycle this should hopefully take much quicker

BubblesBuddy · 20/10/2018 19:51

Learn to drive and you will get more out of where you live. Is the school handy? Are there decent facilities you could use as a family? If you cannot learn to drive, I would move. However if you cannot afford something where you want to be, driving might be cheaper!

Original poster

AmhrannaMara · 20/10/2018 19:54

She's in preschool which is a 10-15 cycle away in the trailer. There's very good schools nearby but all 15-20 walk.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 20/10/2018 19:57

See how the winter goes then plan to move if you don't survive it / realize it s too much distance

What are the positives?

llangennith · 20/10/2018 19:59

Use a buggy and enjoy the walk to preschool. Allow plenty of time and talk to your DD as you walk. Smile at people, life outside London doesn't move at London's frantic pace. That's why people move out of cities.

Haworthia · 20/10/2018 20:05

So you’re 15-20 minutes walk away from any shops, any parks and any schools?

I really understand the problem of buying the best you can afford (even if there are more than a few negatives - been there done that) but did you really not consider that before you made an offer?

I agree that you’ll need to learn to drive. When your child gets older and starts school and needs ferrying to umpteen parties in their first year, it becomes a necessity.

IrishMamaMia · 20/10/2018 20:24

Is there any regular public transport to easily get back to old area?
Hopefully it's an adjustment period but as others have said see how the winter goes, try a few driving lessons and if you don't like it after that you could look at buying something in your budget closer to the city centre.
We moved out of London to a suburban area I can't drive (learning) and I still go in to museums, zoo, child-friendly stuff in the city. Locally we go for walks in the woods, swimming, meet up with neighbours, shopping etc.

pileoflaundry · 20/10/2018 21:02

Our 'easy' travel horizon expanded when both DC learnt to cycle. Can your daughter go on a balance bike? If she's good at a balance bike, she may be up for a pedal bike around age 3.5. After a few months on a pedal bike our DC would happily cycle 2-3 miles, twice that over the course of a day. They aren't particularly quick, but it's faster than walking, the DC love it, get exercise, and it's often quality time. Would that make a difference?

Original poster

AmhrannaMara · 20/10/2018 22:46

Cycling would, yes, we cycle everywhere (we did in the old place too). She's got a balance bike but gets frustrated on it! We may get her a bike with stabilisers. We have a trailer she goes in - luckily she loves it. It's a 10 minute cycle to their school in the morning, which is luckily on my way to work.

I live in Belfast where the public transport is shocking. If anyone knows it well they might know why we did avoid some of the places close to the inner city - we couldn't afford where we were living but the places we could are in areas that tensions can flare up and we're a mixed family. Also tend not to have gardens. So we moved a bit further than we'd have liked to be safe.

Yes, we did consider the distances but where we are is sort of between a lot of places that have lots of stuff so we didn't think it would feel as problematic as it does. I think we may just need more time and to adjust to not everything being on our doorstep! We only just moved back here so I think we're wholly adjusting and buying somewhere so quiet is a bit scary, it means we really live here now.

We are going to learn to drive, not just due to suburbia but because we live in a beautiful country we don't see due to the shocking transport!

Positives - it feels amazing to own a home. It has a lovely private garden and we really missed a garden. In our last house we couldn't use two of the rooms because of the noise from students next door - it's lovely and quiet here. Cosy and peaceful. It's not very far from places we like and convenience but just a bit too far if you know what i mean.

OP posts:

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 21/10/2018 09:56

Give it at least six months, preferably a year, before you make any big decisions. It takes time to adjust. And definitely learn to drive! We made a similar move to you in some ways - out of London to the commuter belt - and a year in, we love it but have conceded we really do need to get a car. And this in a town with bus services and excellent rail links!

MrsFezziwig · 21/10/2018 10:05

Some people’s “deathly quiet” is other people’s “peaceful”. I’d take deathly quiet any time over having two unusable rooms because of noisy neighbours.

prettygreywalls · 21/10/2018 10:58

Not exactly answering your question but I've lived in the sticks and gradually got bored with that ,

lived in a Suburb and found the same as you , I felt like could have gone inside and been dead for weeks without anyone knowing - ok not exactly true as DH comes home from work each night but deadly quiet and not what I was looking for BUT did have plenty of parking and was huge with lovely views in a sort-after area with good local schools ( no DC so for me pointless fact ) ,

We more recently moved more urban centrally positioned property and love it , people walking past going about their business , easy walk to cafe's restaurants, shops, station etc but can be very tricky to park and for the same money much less square footage to the house however it's what I accepted as the downside before making the move -

thing to remember is all property's have a downside and an upside , just make sure you are aware of what works best for you and your family

I would say that the suburban area was much more family friendly than the urban - just my experience of here

lboogy · 21/10/2018 18:02

I regret moving to the suburbs. DH refused to buy a flat in a buzzy area . I do drive so I can get into town in 20-25m depending on traffic. However now that I'm on mat leave I notice how far we are from town. I joined an NCT group that all live centrally so I notice the isolation a bit more - takes me 40m by public transport to get in town since DH drives to work so I don't have a car.

We can afford to move closer into town so we're going to sell up

ToBeClear · 21/10/2018 18:10

I really believe you're either an urbanite or a suburb lover. We just moved from Atlanta after 18 years there. It was suburban hell for me - acre plots, everyone drives, no activity, and no sidewalks. We've just bought in the centre of Headingley to immerse ourselves in everything we've missed - people, noise and walking everywhere. No regrets at all -- just wish we'd done it sooner.

Pythonesque · 21/10/2018 18:22

It only partly helps, but you could look to a tagalong bike fairly soon - then your child is "riding" too and it is probably less effort than towing a trailer. We used one from barely 4 till 7, tall children outgrew it around then but others where we live can use them a lot longer.

I look back and marvel at the amount of walking my mother did with us when we were little, as she couldn't always afford the bus and we were similarly 20-25 minutes adult pace walk from the nearest shops and quite a bit further from the preschool we went to. It was OK by school as there were automatic free bus passes where we lived, and train passes if we needed them.

happysinglemum20 · 21/10/2018 19:05

I'm a city girl like you and recently brought a very small terrace close to town centre...its very convenient but noisy, and there are lots of younger renters and students. Also the terrace feels a bit claustrophobic. The bigger houses in the posh bits near the town centre were out of my budget - sounds the same for you.

I'm not sure if it was the right choice to buy here and should have got somewhere more suburban ...

I think it might always be these trade offs when you buy your first home on a budget.

Maybe this makes you feel better - can't always have it all ways

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 22/10/2018 15:15

I grew up in a house in the suburbs about 20 mins walk from a shop or anything and I hated it.

I now live bang in the city centre. Love the noise, the life, the fact that everything is on the doorstep.

Don't get me wrong - I love the countryside but can get to that easily in the car at the weekend, or the train as we're right near the station.

There is a lot to be said for city living and if you're not happy I would move back.

Original poster

AmhrannaMara · 22/10/2018 16:03

It's easy to say just move back but we have no money! We spent everything we had on this house and we can't afford a house in a "nice" area near the city centre. The area we've moved to is a, "nice" area - it's safe and near (well, 25 minutes walk) from one of the most desirable and buzzy areas of the city.

I just wish we hadn't bought this house and continued renting, honestly. Though our rental house has just gone up by £100 a month for the new tenants so that wouldn't be the best, either. Rent would just keep creeping up and up to unaffordable levels and we'd be fecked then. We're not a high earning family.

happysinglemum20 is right, there is always going to be a trade off.

OP posts:

Fishforclues · 22/10/2018 16:27

Driving will make you feel very differently about it, I think. How long have you lived there now?

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