Chicken/Egg situation - should you move somewhere bigger before you have DCs?

[PinkMartini]

We've recently had our flat (Zone 2 London nice and close to the tube) valued and the agent assured us he'd be able to sell it quite quickly and for a fair amount more than we paid for it. So far so good.

It's useful for DH who works centrally though it's still 40mins ish door to door . I work from home so not a problem for me but having shops for milk & papers etc nearby v handy.

We like where we are well enough but most of our friends are a bit further out now so being central isn't as important as it was socially iykwim.

So I've been looking at houses a bit further out - some in London Zone 3 and some a bit further out again but terrifed about being lonely and bored.

BUT we don't really have a reason to move yet. Other than I would quite like a garden and we're trying to TTC and I'm not sure how baby freindly this flat is. Is that reason enough?

Is there a logic in moving somewhere beforehand so your "ducks are in a row"?

Grateful to hear other MNers thoughts on this. TIA

[Egg]

We are expecting baby no 2 and need to move as current house (Zone 2/3 London), is too small for two children, and we also want to move out of London for a "better life" etc.

I am lying awake at night now stressing about moving, as we don't want to "tempt fate" and start doing anything until after 12 week scan, but that only leaves 6 months before baby is due. Got to make sure there is space at whatever hospital is local to where we end up, got to try to find a nursery for DS, a GP etc, and we will prob not end up moving until I am at least 6 months pregnant.... am wishing we had moved house first.

However, I know a multitude of people who have moved house when pregnant and it has all gone smoothly, just wish I didn't have to do it.

[PinkMartini]

God sounds stressful Egg (lol at juxtaposition of you posting and my thread title!)
I don't envy you - I'm sure 12 week scan will be fine and in those kind of situations you just have to GET ON with it, don't you. Not ideal though.

I must say there's so much to think about - it's one thing looking at lovely house details in Muswell Hill on RightMove but it's quite another trying to imagine our life there. Plus you really need to know the area well - and think about catchment areas and AN classes and all of that.

[MrsBadger]

how is flat un-baby friendly?

if (eg) a thin walled bedsit with stroppy neighbours and up many stairs with nowhere to keep pram on ground floor, that's v different to (eg) being a bit open plan with a second bedroom that's on the small side.

Moving will be stressful whenever you do it but I think perhaps after baby 1 but before pregnant with baby 2 is the best time...

[walbert]

We moved just because our house was smal (one up one down) so although children weren't definately on the cards we decided to move: 2 months later conceived dd: it wasn't too bad for us because we weren't in an upward chain and were selling to first time buyers, but to be honest if you are thinking of moving, it's just the ease of packing , unpacking, decorating, general diy etc, jobs you can't specifically think of but need doing, that you can do without a baby or being pregnnt and therefore having to keep outr of painted roms (when just painted obviously, not forever or that would make life very hard!!!) and not been able to move stuff round. if you've got a choice, i'd say for a much easier time move before baby on way. Isn't it not having a pram in the house before baby born that s supposed to tempt fate? Thats what i was very much remninded of by everybody!!

[Quattrocento]

If you move pinky, check out the schools. REALLY check out the schools. Cart/horse, chicken/egg whatever. But check out the schools anyway.

[MaureenMLove]

I would say, if your property has a nice equity on it, sell it now. You never know with this market, how long it'll be worth what it is now.
On the other hand, no-one really knows how baby friendly a property is, until theyve live in it with a baby, so I wouldn't worry about that. Unless of course, you have dozens of steps to your front door, which will cause problems with a pram!
The other thing to consider is, financially, would you be spending all your equity and some more to move. Once your in a new house, without kids, it'll be fine, but once they come along, there'll be loads of expense that you may not of thought of and that could make things financially difficult. So maybe staying put is a good idea.
Sorry if this sounds all over the place. Things just popping into my mind, that I would have considered!

[Sunshinemummy]

I lived in a warehouse conversion in zone 1 when we conceived our DS. Tbh it was fab for him when he was little - we only had one bedroom so he was in our room anywhere, and it was big and open plan so I bought him a huge playmat and he had loads of room for his toys and to crawl around. In addition I found the Tower Hamlets were a brilliant area to have a young baby as they lay on loads of resources for new mums so I got free baby yoga, massage, first aid, swimming and mother & baby groups. It started getting hard when he was about 9 months. Unlike his peers he still wasn't sleeping through, because the noise of us work him up and vice versa, and as he got more mobile I really felt I'd like him to have a garden. I've now moved to a three bed house with lovely garden in zone 3. Commute (I work in canary Wharf) is worse for me, better for DP (Uxbridge) but overall it's been a really positive move. DS loves loves loves the garden and his room. He sleeps no problem from 19:30-06:30 and, after a hard settling in period, he now seems to like his new nursery. The area we've chosen is lovely - has loads of nice pubs, restaurants, bars etc. and seems really family friendly. Some of our friends aren't far away and one friend with a child the same age as DS has since bought a house there. If I had to do it again, I'd still wait until DS was born to move but I'd have started looking much earlier, probably when he was around 6 months old. Sorry this is so long btw.

[Lact8]

I was renting when I got pregnant with DS1 and by the time everything went through in buying a house I was 8 months pg. Bit of a nightmare in terms of my physical size - mahoosive - but it certainly meant that the last few weeks didn't drag as I went into huge nesting mode and unpacked and decorated.

With DS2, in a different house, we decided to have pretty major internal renovations done and that took place when I was 7 1/2 months pg. And then I had a new bathroom put in when he was 1 week old! (What was I thinking???)

When we found out I was pg with DD we realised we either had to move to a bigger house or have the loft converted. We went for the conversion as it would've meant moving away from our village.

I think it depends on what sort of person you are and how much it would stress you out moving while PG.

I am never organised and used to things being quite chaotic so it wasn't that much of an upheaval moving or renovating while pg. But I did feel like I was under more pressure to buy somewhere and in hindsight I probably wouldn't have bought the original house, mainly due to it's quite isolated location if I hadn't been so focused on being moved in before DS1 due.

[janinlondon]

But what if you don't get pregnant? Would you still want to move? Could you possibly be eligible for NHS IVF treatment where you are now, and not where you move to? I think the pregnancy has to come before the move.

[foxinsocks]

yes, move first. We didn't (were also in a flat in zone 2) and it was a total PITA to move once we'd had the children. Was harder to sell (all the crap that comes with kids - it fills up rooms v quickly), dragging the buggy up and down the steps etc. etc.

Zone 3 not too much of a compromise imo (we ended up in zone 6!).

[Egg]

Hehe, bizarrely did not notice my lovely name in your thread title. . I am getting more famous by the day...

[Hideehi]

I agree with move first, the people who will want your flat aren't going to be forgiving of baby clutter and I always think a bump gives off a whiff of desperation that is reflected in the offers.

[PinkMartini]

All good points-thanks all.


As for MrsBadger's point - there is no where to put a buggy and quite loud partying neighbours.

janinlondon's point is a scary one. Don't know about IVF _ haven't even thought that far.

Also Hidehi's point about desperation is a valid point too.
oh god I DON"T KNOW.
(indecision central)

[USAUKMum]

We bought our current house before we had children, checked out local school (and secondaries ) before buying it. A lot of our friends that we've met since having children have moved 2 or 3 times since having children (in the last 6 yrs).

Find something near your friends with a nice garden, especially if you have some good equity. You just have to make sure YOU like the place first.

[PinkMartini]

USAUK are you normally really organised then?
I worry that if we move out then there'll be lots of raised eyebrows - why do you need more room, eh? nudge nudge

I must say the concept of checking out secondary schools is quite scary - especially when you bear in mind jan's point that I"m not even pg yet and may not be for a while.

I also find it hard to know how best to narrow down the search.

[USAUKMum]

my DH is very organised Though we do have long term plans (e.g. what we want in 5, 10 20 yrs -- rough ones) Something to aim for.

We were at the point where we had both got new jobs (DH based in London) and mine I did lot of travelling. We were living in Oxford (loved that 24 hr coaches into lodon) at the time.

We wrote down what we wanted. I wanted a house with nice garden. And and not too overlooked. DH worked out commuting times from various towns / areas around London. Then we just visited them and foudn one that we immediately liked the look of and could afford the houses .

For secondary we did no more than check out what their scores were (luckily all in town are good to excellant).

No one questioned why we moved (at least to our faces). but then again next door lives a single woman (in a bigger house than ours), across the street 3 gay men. IMHO nothing wrong as you get older to want to have some space to relax in for yourselves let alone children. G&T in the back garden.....plus you get to decorate

Visit lots of places. Find somewhere you like. Don't let any mumbling about babies get to you

[NKF]

Moving is always a hassle but Quattrocentro is right. Unless you know you will choose private education, look at schools. And green spaces.

[Earlybird]

Well - there is middle ground too. Do lots of research now about where you'd like to go. Talk to your friends who have moved further out to discover pros/cons of certain areas - learn from their mistakes/good judgement. Start to research/visit the primary/secondary schools. Visit areas, look at green space, etc.

Then put your flat on the market (maybe after first trimester of pregnancy?), and rent a place for a year in your desired location. Get to know the area, and decide what roads you might like etc. Then when you find a place to buy, you can move, and won't have to deal with the hassle of showing/selling your place with baby stuff everywhere.

Complicated, but maybe ultimately less stressful?

[PinkMartini]

Gentle bump for any other opinion??

[Oblomov]

Put you house on the market ASAP. The adverage sale takes 12 weeks and then you need to add in all the weeks of choosing agents etc.
Do it earlier than you think you need to.

[Egg]

When we move (hopefully with 3-4 months), we will be renting our current house in London and renting a new place where we hope to eventually buy, just to ensure we do like the area, and it does work for us. We hope to then sell this place within the next year or so if it works out. Basically the rent we get for our small two-bed in London will more than cover the mortgage we pay, and it will also be considerably more than we will pay for a three-bed house out of London. If that makes sense???

[jalopy]

We moved from a flat in zone 2 to a house in zone 4 when we had our 2nd baby. Best decision we ever made.

[PinkMartini]

Do you mind me asking where you are now Jalopy?

[pointydog]

hmmm.

The pros for moving now is that it is much less hassle to sell a house when there are only two adults involved and you don't have the added stress of a small baby.

And if a baby comes along, you'll probably get to know other new mums in the area so I don't think you should fear loneliness and boredom. Have you got transport? Would you be moving to an area with quite a lot of families?

ALthough if you don't move now, things will work themelves out later so I don't think it's something to worry about too much.

[PinkMartini]

This is what I don't know pointydog, I'd say so. But there is so much I haven't even considered, (AN class availability, hosptial for having baby in- or even fertility treatments if baby doesn't come along ) other amenities made doubly hard by the fact that people we would normally talk to for advice (parents, sister who's a London property whiz) don't know we're TTC and not mad about telling them really iykwim.
Am slowly driving myself mad going over and over what our next move is - think I'm in one of those life ruts and conscious that a crossroad is coming up.