Small living without killing each other

[BillywigStings]

I have 2 questions: how to cut down on tv use, and how to not feel trapped in our small home (it’s fine now, but I worry for when next baby arrives).

Two bed flat with small rooms. Married couple with soon to be three kids(DSs are 3, and 3 months, and expecting another baby in June).
Currently sleeping arrangements are ok, with a designated kids room and me in the bedroom with the baby (for now). DH tends to go between sofa and our room because baby often ends up in the bed sometimes and our bed is queen sized rather than full double (to fit the bed in and still open and close the bedroom door - we took the box room so kids could have the bigger one.)

DS1 is very active and he thumps around on the laminate floors and slams doors and chatters at the top of his voice. Sometimes it gets a bit much in the small space so we go out a lot. We have a rotating system with boxes of toys, where only one box is allowed out at once. There’s nursery in the morning for DS1 and twice a week sports club so he goes to. Yet despite my best efforts, the tv is used like a crutch and is on in the background all the time. I also still feel like I struggle to entertain DS1without it. I play with him and try to involve him with what I’m doing (though I intend to try more often) but he is sofull of damn energy and never stops —shouting— talking that life when he is home is a little stressful.

DH is of the opinion we need loads of toys to add to our rotation system —but then he likes to spoil the kids anyway—
I tend to prefer less belongings in general as I am a minimalist so we can clash on this. I have actually been slowly cutting down on the amount of plastic tat we have but I’m beginning to wonder if more toys less tv is a good trade off.

We have thought about sleeping in the living room eventually, once babies no longer need my attention at night for feeding etc, as I feel I need the private space for quiet for night feeds.

We can’t move and don’t want to, for various reasons. What would you do to make things work better? Both space wise and keeping kids entertained/us sane.

Second last paragraph makes it sound like I can’t breast feed around hubby lol. What I meant is, I need a quiet room to retreat to with baby, mainly away from DS1 but also from any louder activity going on

My youngest is a similar age I fell into the trap of buying more and more toys to entertain him. But it doesn’t work. If I sit down just with him he will happily concentrate and read a book or do a jigsaw. But if my attention is elsewhere he is permanently in destruction mode! We have a large house and garden. I can’t imagine having him in a flat (your poor neighbors!) but obviously lots of people do. I think your options are put up with the chaos for 5 years or move. I’m sure others will be along with great tips on built in storage though

And yes the only way I can get anything done is to put the tv on. Not ideal though is it

I was in a flat and what worked

• Less toys/clothes/anything else in house
• spend more time together
• go out more to parks etc not shopping

Hi OP.

We have lived in a tiny flat for the past four years (daughter is now three). It’s not easy and we only have the one child! It sounds like you are already doing a lot of the things I would advise like keeping clutter to a minimum, only a few toys out at a time and getting out of the flat as much as possible.

Could you try Ikea for storage ideas?

Toys wise I try to aim to buy smaller things like puzzles, books, drawing etc. Things that can easily be put away in a toy box. Avoid anything too big and bulky.

I try to always get out each day too. Even just popping to the park kills a bit of time. Nothing worse than being stuck indoors all day long when you don’t have much space!

I wouldn’t worry too much about the TV time. As long as they are not glued to it all day long it’s not going to do any harm. Try to mix it up so they can have half an hour in front of the tv then sit together and do some puzzles, lunch, out in the afternoon, craft time etc a bit of structure to the day tends to help.

I’m watching this with interest.

Thanks for the replies. I do spend a lot of time on the Ikea website and Pinterest. At the moment, the only furniture we have are a 2 seater sofa, mine and DH’s bed, a cupboard, tv table and DS2’s cot. DS sleeps on a mattress on the floor (or ‘floor bed’ if we are feeling fancy) as his room is Montessori inspired (and even though it’s till the same footprint, it makes the room feel bigger). We are just about to fill one wall of his room with Kallax units to help with storage, but luckily we do have three built in cupboards already, though they aren’t huge.

We have really cut down on our belongings, I think DH and I have a box each (about the size of two shoe boxes together) of personal belongings. This doesn’t include clothes and toiletries and things like hair brushes, hairdryer etc though.we don’t have a problem with storage so much anymore, other than with the excessive amounts of oversized children’s toys which we now sorely regret - mostly bought when we thought we would stop at one child. However I can live with them for now until I can persuade DH they aren’t necessary.

I actually do like having a small home, but would much prefer if it had a garden and we didn’t have downstairs neighbours to worry about. They have two older kids but I am constantly cringing on their behalf because of DS1’s running and jumping.

I'm definitely missing the point here but it's late/early and I can't get my finger count to work out how you're expecting a baby in June?

I lived on boats and my top tip for small spaces is to buy small things. I'm not taking the piss, genuinely, look around for things that are little. Stuff looks small in showrooms because they are cavernous but once it's home you realise how giant it is. Look out for slimline everything. And, again this might sound daft but in a sailing boat we had the rule that anyone forward of the mast must be left in peace. Normal people yachts are tiny cramped spaces and sailing can be stressful so having privacy is hard. Could you designate a space that means 'i want to be left alone'? Three year old might need some convincing but could come round to understanding.

Oh nevermind, it's September already.

What pertinent sounding advice, and interesting.
I am from the 'minimal stuff ' in small living also and when we were in a similar situation spent large parts of the day out and about. We spent hours every day at the park . Babies/ toddlers were tired out and less scope for mess and noise in the flat. I would take sandwiches,a book ,a ball and weather proofing . I knew all the free activities and cheapest toddler groups but as I lived in a city could also retreat to cathedral, art gallery or pottering around the shops. A trip to Tesco was a major event and topped off by a drink in the cafe could use hours.i found being inside the 4 walls with a crying baby and a toddler to entertain very wearing so really sympathise.

Lots of going out and about. Walk everywhere so kids tire out and it takes longer so fills the day and you can chat on route. Swimming is great as it tires kids out. I used to live in a tiny space with two energetic kids, we'd go swimming before bedtime and change directly into pyjamas before going home. My children would have quiet time and listen to story tapes which gave me a break and is better than tv, it really helped their language development.

How about toys which can be used for lots of different things like coloured silks for making dens and dressing up and wooden blocks for building, small world play and sensory stuff. The imagination tree website has lots of ideas. Quadro does a climbing frame which is completely modular and you could use it for loads of different stuff and packs up really small for storing

Brilliant ideas, especially about buying small things and also having a designated quiet space. I have wanted to live in a canal boat for ages, maybe when the kids are grown up!

The swimming idea is brilliant too, though maybe when they are a little older

Just re the swimming, you often need 1 to 1 adult supervision until they are 5 (exact age varies depending on the pool)

With TV limiting I favour flat, easy to understand rules. We banned TV for a whole week (hellish) then introduced in pms only. Very quickly the children learned there was no TV before lunch, ever, so they just stopped fighting that battle. Whereas if you are trying to give them 30 mins only when you really need it, they will always be pushing that they need it noooowwwww! Carve out time when it just ain't happening and you remove the flashpoint.

Re toys we always thought about "play value". Does it have enough flexibility and longevity to warrant the space it takes up? That pushed us towards pegboards, cup, bags, wooden tiles etc rather than character toys on the whole. Kitchen stuff, great at this age, but if you don't have space for a whole play kitchen you can do a lot with a cardboard box with cooking rings stuck on top and a few saucepans, spoons etc (maybe real ones from your kitchen) that all store away in the "oven". I'm a strong believer that less is more in children's toys. My children played way more games and did more puzzles when I put 3 out on a shelf, compared with when they had a whole kallax cube of them. Things like jigsaws can be regularly cycled at a charity shop as the children develop and outgrow each stage.

have you looked at wall beds - some of them flip over to become settees & have inbuilt cupboards/wardrobes sometimes called murphy beds