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Original poster

Tiny house, OH refuses to move

28 replies

JustAskAlice · 01/09/2018 11:39

Hi all. I'm really struggling at the moment with the size of our house. OH and I bought it 4.5 years ago when it was just us, and we've since been joined by dc1 (age 2.5), with dc2 due in spring next year.

It's a Victorian terraced cottage, in a lovely location, and was great for just the two of us, bearable with one dc, but with anotger one on the way we're really starting to burst at the seams. It has 2 bedrooms, both decent sized so sharing isn't a real concern, but the downstairs living space (or lack of) is the main issue. It has an open plan kitchen/diner and living room, separated by an island - I can walk across the whole length of it in 9 paces (normal steps, not strides). There is no hallway or porch so the main entrance is straight into the living room, and due to position of sofa it's not possible to wheel in a pushchair - ATM this lives in the car, which due to on street parking within a busy town can be parked up to 0.5km away at times. There is a loft, but due to restricted head height a conversion wouldn't count as a bedroom so financially just wouldn't be worth it. There is no potential to extend.

The constant thinking about where to put stuff is a major stressor for me and I really feel that the time has come for us to move. OH on the other hand is really reluctant, and I can't quite get to the bottom of why. We did some money last year putting in a new kitchen and doing some other work, but we both knew that this would have needed doing regardless of whether or not we stay here, and should hopefully enable us to sell more easily when it does come to it. I think though that on some level he does see the work as a waste if we now just move. Also, he is totally immune to mess so just doesn't understand my frustrations with storage/keeping things tidy(ish) and organised.

Recently we did actually go and see a house, at his suggestion, as I think it came as a surprise to him that there are bigger houses out there that are affordable to us. The location wasn't ideal, but the house itself was really great and offered so much space. I had hoped that it would open up oh's eyes a bit more as to what is available to us, but he since shut down any discussions of that house, or moving generally, saying that I'm pressuring him. I really don't think I am, I'm jsut trying to get through to him that more space would be so beneficial in so many ways (both our families live far away and currently have to stay in hotels when visiting, meaning visits are few and short). Financially, we can afford the house we veiwed, and a few others currently on the market, fairly comfortably. Our repayments would go up, but to about the same level as they were when we first bought this house 4.5years ago, when our income was quite substantially lower. He is the main breadwinner, but I do still work part-time and bring in about a third of our income.

Can anyone advise on getting through to my reluctant oh, or at least offer some suggestions on how to cope with two small children in a small living space (in the event that his stubbornness wins)?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAskAlice · 01/09/2018 11:40

Wow, I just noticed how long that is, sorry!

OP posts:
crisscrosscranky · 01/09/2018 11:42

To me location is primary; is it worth looking at houses where location is spot on and the house is bigger?

I wouldn't compromise on location- especially if I would be paying more for it!

Bananamanfan · 01/09/2018 11:45

Are you married and is the house currently just in his name? Could this be an issue? That he thinks if you move now you would buy it together and he would have to 'share'.

whereiscaroline · 01/09/2018 11:47

I wonder whether @Bananamanfan has hit the nail on the head. I'm in the same situation and it is definitely something that's crossed my mind.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 01/09/2018 11:49

You could point out to him that trying to sell your house once you have even more clutter with a second Dc, plus exhaustion from having two, will be much harder than getting it on the market now. Does a bit of a 'project' interest him? Ie adding some significant value to a property?

Original poster
JustAskAlice · 01/09/2018 12:07

Thanks for the responses.

Location wise, the only issue with the one we looked at was that it's on a busy main road (we have cats so this is a worry for us plus noise is off-putting). It was still in the town that we currently live in and would focus any search.

Banana, we're not married but it's a joint mortgage in both our names. His parents did help us with the deposit (although I paid all the fees/moving costs). His contribution to the mortgage is currently larger than mine as I'm working part-time, so perhaps he's concerned about that, but his income has gone up quite a lot in the last 2 years.

Cakecrumbs, that's a good point and I will raise it with him. Unfortunately he has zero interest in doing any work to a property (I'm the main DIY-er!).

OP posts:
PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 01/09/2018 12:12

It sounds like he’s not going to budge for now. I would be inclined to sit tight until baby arrives and let him appreciate how hard it is existing in your space with 2 DC. Yes, it will be awful trying to move with 2, but by the time you managed to sell and buy, with a reluctant partner, you would probably be heavily pregnant/ with a newborn anyway. Plus you would be able to see how things play out for a little while after Brexit.

grasspigeons · 01/09/2018 12:17

I'd fund walking half a mile with a baby and a toddler from a car really annoying. Do you have a garden? Can you get a really bug shed with lots of storage
Have you maximised stuff like built in under stairs storage, ottoman sofas and so on.
I do understand taking on a bigger mortgage with new baby and the unknown of brexit on the horizon would worry me too.

annandale · 01/09/2018 12:26

I live in a small victorian terrace and if conversation is flagging round our way you just say 'i thought of a new place to put a cupboard...' I have always been relieved we never had to try and fit a second child in.

To be fair, the pushchair is temporary. But it's a long temporary.

Go back to the problem, not the solution. Say that you are struggling with the space limitations and what does he suggest?

The best thing i can suggest is becoming a decluttering Nazi. Stop all immigration of stuff, and force emigration of everything else. Keep nothing that 'might be handy one day'. Prioritise easy access to the attic, get stuff up there in the pretence you will keep it and clear it out every two years.

LadyLapsang · 01/09/2018 13:21

I would leave it until you return to work after your second child and you have a clear idea of your finances. Going from a situation where he is one of two equally responsible for finances to bring chiefly responsible for a family of four is a big change (I recognise you work pt). Alternatively, do the maths. Show him how it is affordable and you have rainy day money set aside. Maybe he is worried you won't go back to work after the second maternity leave.

30hours · 01/09/2018 13:55

Was the second baby planner knowing there is no space for them?

ElspethFlashman · 01/09/2018 14:05

Tbh I would shelve it all until after the baby is born. You do not want to be in the middle of a house move with a newborn.

The buggy is a problem, but it could fit inside a sofa or bed with a large flip up storage space underneath. Ikea have a couple.

Original poster
JustAskAlice · 01/09/2018 14:41

Thanks for the advice, I will broach the subject again this evening and try to get him to make some practical and realistic suggestions on the space issue if he still won't budge. I can appreciate the unwillingness to increase our repayments, but as I said before it's really not by much and we know we can afford it. I have no plans to give up my career after dc2 so we don't anticipate any drop in income (although Brexit is a bit of a concern, for everyone I should think).

@30hours, I don't really see whether my child being planned or unplanned is really an appropriate question. Living in a small house does not equate to it being born into poverty or unliveable conditions. I'm well aware that this is a first world problem and we are lucky to have anywhere of our own. We would manage where we are, but more space would be ideal.

OP posts:
30hours · 01/09/2018 14:46

@JustAskAlice it’s an appropriate question because you’ve either deliberately created a life you have no physical space for OR you and your dh didn’t take enough responsibility for contraception.

Original poster
JustAskAlice · 01/09/2018 14:51

@30hours, I reject your suggestion that we are somehow being irresponsible (in either scenario). As I said, there is space for the child - if we don't move they will I our room anyway then later sharing with ds. The clutter and lack of storage is a frustration to me, but I doubt the baby will give a toss.

OP posts:
Cakecrumbsinmybra · 01/09/2018 15:29

Of course there is space 30hours, how do you think the majority of humans on the planet live? The OP would just like more.

30hours · 01/09/2018 15:29

@JustAskAlice
So what’s the problem? Why do you care? Why is it an issue if your OH refuses to move? It’s obvious you planned the pregnancy and are now having a tantrum because your OH won’t move house to please you. Better planning next time.

TheChatsPyjamas · 01/09/2018 19:40

We lived in a tiny house until recently and I wish I’d got a very narrow buggy to negotiate the entrance. Could you get a yoyo pushchair for the new baby?

RedNed · 01/09/2018 20:22

We lived in a 2 up 2 down for 7 years. Dd1 had a big pram, dd2 had techno XL that I always folded down.

I didn't think our house was too small, we had a separate lounge room and then a kitchen diner, but now that dd1 is almost 8 and dd2 3 we've sold and will buy a bigger house.

I'd wait until you're off mat leave with dd2 and see how it goes. You might surprise yourself, you may think all the stuff you have now with dc1 will double with dc2 but it won't.

And do bore off 30hours ffs Hmm

Lindtnotlint · 01/09/2018 20:28

Not entirely helpful, but there must be a narrow enough pushchair. How wide is it? Let us help shop :-)

ThePricklySheep · 01/09/2018 20:32

I would try and get him to look at houses that might work. He may change his mind about not moving if you find a good one.

TroubledLichen · 01/09/2018 20:43

I lived in a similar house for a while although with only one child. Focusing on the car/pram issue as the rest of it really doesn’t seem too terrible, I second the suggestions to get a smaller buggy. I had no issue wheeling my YoYo into the house then folding it and leaning it by the door or even hanging it up on the coat hooks. Alternative can you build a porch onto the front of your house? And storage furniture solutions are you friend- everything possible from the coffee table to our bed has hidden storage. Yes to big declutter and throw out everything non essential. As for moving, your DP might change his mind when the realities of a small place and 2 children kick in.

Racecardriver · 01/09/2018 20:45

Your boyfriend doesn't care because because he doesn't have to deal with it. Having two tiny children in a tiny house is hellish. It will have a negative impact on your mental health unless you put the eldest in nursery. Honestly, in your place I would do whatever I had to to make a move happen. Men can be so thick sometimes. Make him understand that the house isn't just his home, it is the space you have to raise your children in.

SeaToSki · 01/09/2018 20:49

I might be completely off base here, but could it be that he doesn't want to get a new house and mortgage because he doesn't want a credit check? Might he have some debts you don't know about

Ellieboolou27 · 01/09/2018 20:55

I am in a very similar situation, terraced cottage, front door directly into our tiny lounge, I’ve 2 dd’s 6 and just about to turn 3, and a dog.
Our house is small with hardly any storage, our kitchen is the size of a cupboard.

I love our house though and things that have helped are. No clutter, buggy I left in car boot as I hate dirty wheels into out front room anyway so I’d never bring it in.

Wait until baby is born and tell dh that you need to discuss it again once baby has arrived. He may feel differently when they are more in the house.

Also location is a priority for me, it’s great having the space but if your not keen on the area then it’s pointless.

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