Organising money for extension

[Fooferella]

Me and dh are embarking on a small kitchen extension and have only just had some trial pits dug in the back garden and already money arguments and stress are rife! I'm the chief organiser for this as it's me who wants it and has more time but DH is the money side of things. (we have no joint funds)
We've both agreed that an extension makes sense and have also estimated an overall budget. To me this means that I can now go ahead and make decisions, start bringing people in to quote etc.
The fly in the ointment is that the invoice for the trial pits came in and it was way over what DH was expecting. I knew it would be over as we took 2 extra days to find the sewer. I maybe didn't communicate this explicitly to DH but I did give him running commentary on the project and the unexpected problems. We had an almighty row over it and now he wants me to go back to the guy to renegotiate the price. I don't have want to because I've already queried it with the guy and am satisfied that we have to pay it. So I'm playing middleman doing all the uncomfortable work while DH holds the purse strings and feel very stressed and anxious about it.
What I want to know is how others have organised their finances when renovating to avoid situations like this. Do you have a build account that is joint? How do you agree payment? How do you broach the subject of house costs without it being painful and awkward? For those who are project lead but their partner is the earner. How does it work for you?

Leave it to him. If he wants to get involved because he doesn't have to believe you when you've queried it and are satisfied, then he deals with.

Either he trusts you to manage it or he doesn't.

And if you're embarking on a joint project then of course it should be managed jointly but you need to set parameters at the outset. A separate account is sensible and ideally a division of responsibilities. You need to sort out who will instruct contractors, how you will agree estimates, who contractors will contact with queries/additional costs, who will make decisions that need an immediate response etc, who will sort payments.

For us, we discussed what we wanted and I ran all quotes / costs past him but ultimately I managed the whole thing. I dealt with builders / planning / suppliers / the bank.

We have all the money in my account and when my dp needs funds for materials, builders etc then I send it to him - I know he won’t spend more than he has to so trust that our money is being spent wisely. No way would I not send money he has asked for, particularly as he has more involvement in that side of things than me!

You need a joint account, unless he wants to deal directly with the contractors.

It’s going to get very expensive and he needs to be prepared to spend the money to get it finished.

Ours isn’t even off the ground yet and we have spent ££££s although that does include deposits for doors etc

It’s important he also understands that things change and can cost more due to unforeseen circumstances!

I think you need to allocate one person to deal with the trades. If he doesn’t trust you maybe it should be him! You will inevitably go over budget. However it is easier to agree together things like tiles and kitchens to make sure you are both happy with the style and cost

Thanks for the replies. My ideal situation would be a joint account which is earmarked for the renovation so that we both have access but DH isn't keen. My argument for this is that he can transfer money in as needed and I can keep a handle on who's been paid and how much. AIBU to insist on this before we really get going on the extension?

Personally I don't understand how couples sort finances out any way but jointly - how do you manage other things, do you have to ask for money for day to day living costs?

No it's not unreasonable to say either you set up a joint account so you can manage payments and liaise with contractors (or he liaise with them from start to finish and deals with payments). It simply doesn't work for one person to have the relationship with the contractors, manage the works & agree pricing etc for the other partner to challenge payments / costs once it's all been done.