Moving in together

[Suicideblonde74]

Hey, looking for advice. My boyfriend of 2+ years wants me to move in with him. It was the marital home previously but he now has full ownership. His ex name is still on the mortgage as he can’t get a mortgage that big on his own income but he can manage to make the payments until it reduces enough for him to remove her and get his own mortgage on it. I’m not too pleased that she’d be on the mortgage and I’d be living there even though she has no legal claim to the property. He says the mortgage deal he has is too good to change at the moment to add me on and remove her. He works in the finance sector so knows his stuff.
They have 2 teenage kids who stay 3 days a week or whenever suits them.
I’d like some advice on what I should pay if I decide to move in. I’m not keen on paying part of the mortgage but am willing to pay a share of the bills and housekeeping. I don’t think half is fair as I’d be paying for the kids too. I’d have no legal rights and I know the house is his kids inheritance. If it didn’t work out I’d have to start over again as at present I live in a local authority flat and would have to give this up.
When my previous relationship ended I walked away with nothing and started over again as I was studying full time and couldn’t afford the upkeep of the rented family home we’d had for years so my ex partner stayed on there with our kids, who are both adults, I didn’t leave small children behind. I now work full time as a nurse so I am self sufficient and support myself. So this is why I have a fear of giving up what little security I have. Any advice welcome.

I don’t really see why you should only pay a share of the bills. You would have to pay rent if you weren’t living with him.

I’d want to pay something over and above my share of the bills, but not as much as rental. That way it’s win win.

I don’t think I’d want to move in personally. You are risking a lot as u say. Why not just stay over whenever you want. For me to live in a house I want to feel like it’s mine though.

I agree Ferano, a rental amount would be fine. I’m thinking that I could then save for my future and security in case it didn’t work out or something happened to him but also to leave something for my own kids.

I do worry that it won’t ever feel like my home. He’s very committed to me I have absolutely no doubts about that and would always ensure I’m looked after but I need a bit more commitment. Thank you

You're right you'd have no security. You'd have more security actually renting from him. An arrangement like this is way worse than renting. Even if you were paying only bills, would that really be worth being able to be kicked out in a snap? I don't think it would, it seems like you're okay where you are and it would be difficult for you to get back there.

It sounds like he just wants you to pay off his mortgage as he's struggling with it... hopefully he loves you too but as you know love isn't always enough or forever and he could literally leave you homeless on a whim if he ever wanted to. I never would put myself in that position unless it was to get off the streets, I really don't feel that you need to risk it.

The emotional side of moving into his former marital home would be difficult enough without these financial and legal problems

Hang on to your flat.

Get married then you own half the home. If he won’t marry you why live with him? Why, as you say, give up your own life if he won’t give up his?

Check carefully . If she is on mortgage she may have legal rights too.
Don't give up a secure council tenancy.

@rinabean he’s not struggling with the mortgage he just knows he has a good deal with his provider. It’s a large mortgage, a provider wouldn’t give to him on his income alone so once he reduces it he can then remove her and mortgage it himself.

@cestlavielife there is a legal binding agreement the house is his, she’s been paid her share.

Thank you

Be careful, and get to know your rights:

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/marriage-your-rights-to-your-home/

I agree, don't give up your flat, you'd be putting yourself in a very precarious position.
I don't quite see how his ex is still on the mortgage if she's already been paid off. If she's on the mortgage, she's on the deeds, whatever agreement they may have come to between themselves. Is the agreement registered against the title? I suspect it might not be, as the mortgage company would have to agree it if were to outrank their loan.
In any event, if you were to move into his home, you'd have no security, and as it's his family home, I doubt you'd have much input into it, either.

So long as you have seen all these legal agreements and had them reviewed by a solicitor ...
But you would be giving up a secure flat for what ? To be a lodger?

Thanks everyone.

The ageeements not between them it’s lodged with the court, I have seen the documents it’s called a minute of agreement.

It’s time to lay my cards on the table with him, if it’s not going to be equally beneficial to us both I’ll be staying where I am.