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Relocating

4 replies

Lostnanny · 19/03/2018 21:16

Hi, need some advice. I live in Kent with my 17 year old daughter & we've had a pretty tough & emotionally painful 4 years. My eldest daughter 21 is a very cruel twisted character & has cut everyone in the family out & stopped anyone from having a relationship with my two young grandchildren. It's near on destroyed me & her young sister. I've left a high flying job to try ease the pressure but its a looming grief cloud and we all live in the same town (I brought them up here past 22 years-same house) so mutual people ECT make it harder. My eldest spreads lots of lies and although I don't care as I know the truth I feel like a stranger in my own town & constantly looking out for her. Breaks my heart she's grown up like this. Before you say it I've tried, given, said everything (apart from legal action). My eldest is beyond reason and very very narcissistic and I'm done tbh. I have to try and reclaim some kinda life for me & my youngest so I'm thinking of relocating south west somewhere near Poole so we can start a new life, as I always love that part of country when I'm there but I really don't know how to do It!

My house is on the market (with about 210k equity). Do I sell, then rent and look for work, before buying again. Pretty nervous I could end up hemorraging loads of money preventing me from getting back on the ladder? I'm also nervous of cutting all ties with the home town...not so much for me but for my youngest . She also is tired of the constant grief. She was crying again this evening after been shown a social media posting by a 'friend' at school of her big sister but what if she hates new area and wants to go back? Should I sell my house buy a local flat as insurance? I could rent my house but I need to free up equity for some personal debt and don't think I can afford that option. All the tax issues seem a headache and a bit scary?

Any advice on how to relocate and ideas on good areas much appreciated. Xx

OP posts:
Lostnanny · 19/03/2018 21:20

Can i just add the estrangement gas bern for 4 years... so this is not a knee jerk reaction. More of a survival one!

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 19/03/2018 23:28

Isn't your daughter doing A-levels or some other thing that she needs to finish? When is she likely to move out? If she's off to uni in a year, I'd probably wait and then relocate wherever suits you.

Lostnanny · 20/03/2018 06:41

She's in her final year of Alevels but unlikely to go to uni at this stage. Possibly an apprenticeship. I don't think she's ready to move out yet and definitely don't want to out her in a position that she feels like she has too.

OP posts:
backsackcraic · 20/03/2018 06:47

Sit down and do a pros and cons list.
Discuss with your daughter, who realistically may only be at home five more years, if you move after a levels she could find it very difficult to make new friends.
Can you move just out of town to a new property?
Can you rent once you've sold to decide whether the area you've chosen is right for you?

I have to be honest in my experience you can't run away from the situation, you'll take it with you but just won't be dealing with it on a daily basis and it won't be as in your face.

Good luck.

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