I've fallen out of love with my house

[Misty9]

It's a perfectly nice 3 bed 1930s semi and has a lovely kitchen extension and recently landscaped garden. But, like a stale relationship, I'm only seeing the negatives and annoying 'quirks' now. We've been here 4 years and I'd welcome a move but dh is adamant we're staying.

Help me fall back in love with it! Tips to rekindle the 'feeling' are desperately needed please. Or can you never go back once at this stage?

Sounds more like you've out grown it than fallen out of love exactly. Have to say I do empathise with your DH not wanting to move though! would an extension/loft conversion/expensive shed for storage help at all? Could the layout be improved to better suit your needs (more built in storage/utility room/downstairs shower room?)

We now operate a one in one out system with toys and clothes for all the family- makes decluttering easier!

1930s semis are wonderful but small :) Hope you manage to fall back in love soon!

I love this book www.amazon.co.uk/Apartment-Therapy-Eight-Step-Home/dp/0553383124?tag=mumsnetforum-21 It's great for making a so so house into a home.

Often when you make one part of a house really nice the other areas look old and dull. But if you have a tendency to like to move often l am fully supportive of your dh not wanting to move. Can you dedise on your next project so you have the excitement of that. And make one room a haven where ythere is no clutter and in the evenings you can sit in there in peace.
Doing something extra with your garden might stir you up again too. Planning to have it a beautiful place for Summer evenings.
But l don't agree with posters blaming dh. Contentment is a good thing.

We didn't move so often from choice - we were renting and various factors combined so we ended up moving several times in a few years. I do think we've outgrown it but yes, moving is very expensive so it's worth chucking a bit of money at the issue first for sure.

I'd love a bit of contentment, but I do think dh needs to take my views into account too and not just consider his own opinion.

I had that feeling. I fear this isn’t a very helpful comment from me though because the reality of the situation was that we had taken the house as far as we reasonably could, so we moved. My previous house was, you know, fine - 1930s semi that had had a kitchen extension and a loft conversion, but at the same time it wasn’t fine because I felt we’d maxed out every bit of it. We even borrowed money to enlarge the (basic) loft conversion but then decided we were better off spending on something we really loved. So we moved to a rambling Victorian semi with space for days and it will never be truly a finished product but it turns out that is exactly what makes me happy in a house. Absolute heart over head stuff (although there were a lot of sensible reasons to move, a move wasn’t essential eg we didn’t need more bedrooms) but my house gives me joy every moment of every day.

Op is it worth getting an interior designer or architect in to get their view on what you can do to improve your house (esp re storage)?

When we had our kitchen extension among other things done our designer was fabulous at designing us extra storage in places we'd never have thought of.

I love Victorian houses secondsop and it is helpful to hear how it went for someone else.

We often talk about getting someone in to look at maximising how we use the house itscurtains but we’re never sure which profession it would be. Do interior designers cover that aspect alone? Built in storage would solve a few issues I think.

I have been keeping an eye on the market for a year or so but nothing comes up in this area other than similar housing stock, and we don’t really want to move ds from his school. Have spent the day decluttering but it’s a drop in the ocean I fear :(

@misty9 I think it's a designer you're after, we had an excellent one who drew up all ours plans (lots of consultation, back and forth until we found the combination that worked). We needed planning permission for some of those and she took care of all of it too.

I can recommend her if you're in the north/central England

It’s a bummer when you want to move but the housing stock in the area you live and need to live for the foreseeable offers no better alternative, I suppose there is not much point moving to a bigger 1930’s semi if that’s all your area offers when in your heart you want Victorian, might be better to wait until you can get the house you really want, perhaps when the kids change school?

There’s nothing wrong with ‘contentment’ but there’s everything wrong with ‘I don’t want to do x, and you can’t make me, so fuck what you want’. I don’t think the house is the problem. I think moving a lot etc enabled you to take the focus off of your marriage, now you’ve not got those other things to prioritise you’re seeing your marriage for what it is. Or, rather, isn’t.

If you’re not ready to deal with that yet, you can lose entire days on Houzz!

So, ignoring what I actually see as the problem, let’s look at the house...

You say DD’s room is the nicest room in house now you’ve done it, how do you FEEL when you’re in her room?

If you magically updated everything in line with her room, how much more would it realistically achieve if you sold it, compared to now?

Kallax has those box things separately so the clutter isnt on display?

I have a Victorian terrace and have always wanted a 1930s semi, swapsies?

Yes Kallax boxes / doors hide a lot of stuff. We’ve got them in the playroom - a box for each type of toy and I decorated the boxes with felt pictures of the toys eg cars, robots, trains, Lego. When I first did them it completely transformed the way the kids played as instead of basically wading ankle deep in toys, they decided what they wanted to do and then got out the relevant box.

I think the other thing that matters is how you and your DH feel about houses generally; if one of you see it as a roof over your head and is contented so long as it basically works, and the other sees it as a place to live out your lifestyle / decor dreams [i am this person] then it’s harder to agree on when you want/need to move.

is contented so long as it basically works i think this basically sums up dh's outlook on most things!

With the kallax we find that the kids ignore toys if they're in the boxes, and the cube spaces are too big for little things to be on display. We also have lots of large playmobil bits which don't fit in kallax. Difficult I know!

The kitchen/diner is a bugbear of both of ours as the area left for dining isn't really big enough. We've had two tables now and still haven't figured out how best to use the space as the patio doors are also in that area and need to be accessible. I want to chop the breakfast bar off (it's huge) as it's basically a dumping ground, but dh isn't keen.

We've lived in Victorian terraced kerplunk - sorry, not tempted

annie many shrewd observations... but yes, ignoring the other issue, what we love about dds room is the fireplace we exposed and installed so dh wants to do that in our room. I also love the colours (peacock blue on one wall). But it's just tinkering with an already good product so I don't think anything much would increase the value tbh. Perhaps adding an en suite as we are considering...

I also want to chop off our massive breakfast bar as its a dumping ground, no one ever sits at it but it does have tonnes of storage under it. Hubby thinks the same as yours - it aint broke so not worth fixing.

How old are you children? I have a 7yo and have found that it's now less about toys, more about dressing up, reading, video games etc so you may be able to claim back space at some point.

Put up a floor plan !!

Sounds like you have far too many toys and yes to getting rid/reducing the breakfast bar - should be cheap to do.

I really recommend GLTC modular storage - we have the Northcote range. I didn’t buy from GLTC for ages as I thought it was a waste of money but it really works better for us. We have big drawers as the base, small drawers and medium sized drawers as I don’t like the toys out on show. There are also cupboards and open shelves. I decluttered the toys when we bought it and am strict about everything that doesn’t fit in being in their rooms and it’s made a huge difference.
I don’t love our house (never have) but when I look at the alternatives online I realise how lucky I am. Spending money on the decor and furniture I love has made a big difference and I figure if we move eventually the furniture comes with us so the money isn’t wasted!

Kids are nearly 4 and 6 - and today had almost every toy out playing together! Ds is a young 6 and LOVES toys, so I don't think we'll be saying goodbye to them anytime soon (the toys that is!). We are quite strict about how many toys are in the house, it's just they are quite big and cumbersome.

I'll hunt out a floor plan...

How much money could you afford to spend?
Hammonds fitted wardrobes are amazing. They fill the space from floor to ceiling and you can fit so much stuff in them. They have some lovely modern styles and are fantastic quality. Ours were expensive but they love them everyday!
Definitely lose the breakfast bar - they are a dated waste of space. Would a completely new kitchen designed with better use of space and more storage help?
Could you knock down any walls?
Is your garden big enough for a decent garden room/summer house? It could be either a grown up sanctuary or extra room for kid stuff.
All of these things seem expensive but are usually cheaper than moving.

Turns out we have less to spend on this than I thought....possibly 10-15 grand. We already have a garden office from which dh works self employed. Fitted wardrobes could help I think but are £££ I think. Just had a row with dh as he is so much less bothered about all this than me, and I feel he is dismissing my feelings :(

I found a floor plan but it’s pre extension so probably not much use. I think I need a job so I’m not in the house and thinking about this so much!

Google some Ikea hacks. It can easily be adapted to suit different spaces. We just did a massive library wall - spent about £300-400 on Ikea components and paid for a couple of days of a handyman. We also did a similar thing with bedroom wardrobes: 1k on tons of components (including lights, glass, fronted drawers etc) and a handyman for as few days. Cost less than 2k in total but quotes from fitted wardrobe companies for the same started at 8k.

One thing we did ourselves, though, was measure up, plan and draw all the storage but equally you could employ an interior designer to do that.

Its a 3 bed 1930s? So 2 doubles upstairs and a box room? Downstairs a separate lounge and you extended out to have a big kitchen/diner/family room?

Plus a garden room for office space. Plus a loft space for storage?

Kinda sounds like it SHOULD be big enough for 4 of you! Appreciate your children are in max toy-stage though.

You say you go the storage wrong? Have a think about how you use the rooms? How your children use them. What do you have? What doesn't work? What does?

What is it you fee like you're drowning in? Just children's toys? Or your own things like clothes, bedding, books, paperwork?

Sounds like you do need a clear out... and a get your bedroom nice with new decoration and new furniture? Might make you think more positively about the rest of the house.

Can you just draw on the old floorplan in paint to show how it is now?