You don't need to sand it all back to the wood at all
Not if you’re going to paint it, no, but if she wants to keep thr wood, just paler wood, then sanding back would achieve that, that woods been heavily stained and in its natural state would be quite pale. I’m not sure what it is though, could be pine, so maybe not so nice in its natural state. If it’s oak it would be lovely, but it’s a huge job, painting it is much easier.
I’m not sure anything can make it pop op in its current state , it is what it is and will always dominate, as such a warm grey, a pale duck egg blue, or plain white on the walls could make the wood look warmer.
I had my whole downstairs either sand blasted or sanded, it’s an old period property the difference was enormous, lighter and brighter, as it’s now the original blonde oak, as opposed the very dark stained wood when we bought it. It really is personal taste and difficult if uou and your husband have different tastes,,,,,
Some folks love dark wood and thr patina that comes from age, others like myself prefer much paler natural hues. Very subjective....