I need a good slap -I feel like cancelling my house extension because my neighbours are moving :(

[guilty100]

Please be gentle with me, I know I am being totally unreasonable!

I have lovely next door neighbours. We get on really well. They are quite a lot older than us, and at the point where one of them is retired and the other about to retire. They've just told us they are going to move some time in the next year.

I feel absolutely gutted. I have a house extension starting on Monday and one of the main reasons I wanted to stay in this home is that I really love having them as neighbours. Of course, I totally understand why they want to go - they would be moving to a lovely cathedral city, much closer to family. It makes loads of sense and I am happy that they will have a lovely retirement. My sadness is completely and utterly 100% selfish.

But I feel really down. And I have cold feet about the house extension, wondering if it's the right thing to do. What it I get new neighbours who are awful? It doesn't help that I also just heard that a house over the street was burgled 2 nights ago.

I know I'm being silly, but I feel genuinely sad.

Will the amount you spend on the extension be a good investment anyway, so that even if you sold in a year's time you'd recoup the money?

I don't think it's fair on the contractors to cancel at such a late stage.

Are you detached? If so I'd crack on.

Aw I do understand. I was sad when our neighbours left - we were not in each other's pockets but it was an easy relationship and we trusted each other. I was not inclined to feel as warmly about the new set but we are friendly and have fed their cat etc.

Have you had bad neighbours before? I also understand the anxiety about that - it just feels uncontrollable.

No advice but I do sympathise

No, you're quite right mybrilliant - I think we are committed at this point and it wouldn't be fair on the builder (he does have a long queue of people, but that's not the point is it?)

I don't really know the answer to your question about the investment, because so much of the work is maintenance that needs doing anyway. We need a new boiler, new kitchen, new hallway, storage for coats and shoes anyway. Would we recoup those costs? Maybe not. I think the figure we're spending on the new building will be something we do recoup.

notagain - yes, I had the neighbours from hell at my last house many years ago. Truly some of the worst people you could ever meet. They turned their entire back garden into a rubbish dump. I am not exaggerating about a bit of mess - there were literally hundreds of sacks of rubbish festering away. They were also violently aggressive and threatening. I was young at the time and incredibly intimidated. It's the most awful feeling.

mushroom - no, we are semi.

I totally understand! We have just one neighbour, and we've said we'd be totally miserable if our current neighbours left. It would change the dynamic completely.

(We've decided we will knock through and make it just one house though when they eventually go, so I don't have any advice to help you!)

I see where you are coming from completely, but you may gain really lovely neighbours. Really really dreadful neighbours are probably few and far between.

I think once you've experienced it once you become very scared of it happening again. For years I was hypersensitive to noise. Statistically speaking it's not likely to though.

I went into one of the worst anxiety spirals of recent years when new neighbours at the back had a party shortly after moving in - i was convinced it boded really badly for the future. Not a peep since

gingeum - I hadn't thought of buying their house. We could probably afford to, just about, at a stretch. We would need to let it but it would give us control over the tenants.

yoda and koala - you are right, I am being paranoid and I need to give myself a good shake. I would react the same to a loud party - my instant assumption would be that it would become a pattern because that was part of the nightmare I endured. You are right that we stay sensitive to these things for a long time

We lived next to lovely neighbours for 10 yrs and I was so sad when we had to move for work. They were friends, we watched our kids grow up and change together. I knew we wouldn't miss our house but I was worried about losing our neighbours.
4 years on, yes things are different but not in a bad way.
We are still friends, yes we can't drink wine together over the fence but we still get together now and then. We keep up with what's going on on FB, their eldest is now at uni (she surely can't be old enough!)
Our new house has lovely neighbours, very different (retired couples both sides) but still nice.
Life moves on whether we want it to or not but that isn't always a bad thing.
Your life & house is changing anyway, it will be fine.

I understand where you're coming from as I really like both sets of our NDNs and it's making me sad to move, even though we will be in the next few months. However I don't think you should base any decisions on your neighbours as they could move unexpectedly at any time. You have no control over it.

Those horrible neighbours - were they renting or did they own it? I think there's less of a tendency to destroy what's yours. And if you bought your neighbour's house and rented it out, you might find they were awful, too.

Could you have a deal with your neighbours where they don't sell to anyone horrible?

I miss my old neighbour loads - she was like a second grandma to my son and still invested in my kids even though we don't gossip over the fence nightly like we used to.

The neighbours on the other side were appalling though and have made me very twitchy about future neighbours! Fortunately in our current house next door are lovely but they will be moving in a few years and I'm apprehensive about that

If you move it's lucky dip on neighbours anyway ... if you like your location, will make money on the house and it fits your family situation then crack on

You could follow them to their new house and sort of pop up unexpectedly! Not very helpful I know, but change is difficult especially if its not our choice and something you have no control over. At least they told you, think there was a thread on here a few weeks ago where the neighbours just moved and didn't tell the OP she was completely surprised.

Thanks for being so gentle with me, while talking some sense into my brain. I've had a bit of time to process the news now (I'd only just heard when I posted on Friday) and have sat myself down and had a good word with myself for reacting in such a self-centred way. I know they will be happy where they want to move, and they truly, truly deserve that. Whatever happens here with new neighbours, we will handle it.

Yes mybrilliant - the old neighbours were social housing tenants, and I had just bought my first house next to them. I don't think they are in any way representative of other tenants, social or private. They were that rare thing: people who have a truly evil, vicious stream in them. Years afterwards, I heard that they ended up doing a midnight flit out of the country because they'd run up so much debt on false pretences with local firms. The reason I know that is because I did have some good neighbours on that street too, with whom I'm still in touch, so this is a good reminder that it isn't all bad.

My builders start this morning, aiiiiieeeee!

Not again Yoda, I know how you feel being victim to hideous neighbours changes your emotional reaction! I had similar and when I saw it was a one off party I felt deep joy.

I am still in touch with my neighbours and I moved away from there 15 years ago. The night before I moved they came round with champagne, and I stood on my doorstep and sobbed in front of them. They were so lovely, but then, so is our current neighbour. So, I know where you are coming from.

Awww lucisky - sad, but lovely story! I must remember to get a bottle for our neighbours when they go. They raised 3 kids next door, so it will be an emotional wrench for them to move.