I'm finding the Party Wall process somewhat confusing so would appreciate any advice on what to do next in our situation.
We're planning a small kitchen extension- knocking out a wall between our kitchen and adjacent room/ conservatory and squaring the space off. It comes under PW because we're digging a foundation for a beam, and hoping to extend the Party Wall up above the height of the existing conservatory and out (about 1.2m).
I spoke to the neighbour a few times about the work (nice lady- but over 80 so a little forgetful and being "looked out for by her kids" which isn't super helpful)- anyway she was ok with it all. I submitted planning- no issues and it was approved. I gave her the Party Wall notice to which her son told her to say (on repeat) she only wanted a condition survey done and then she'd be fine. I paid £500 for this- it came through last week- and when I asked her to sign off the PW agreement she said she didn't need to "as we weren't in dispute"; "just go ahead and build"; "live for the day" and other such useful things- but was adamant she didn't need to sign the form. I spoke to her son to check they were happy now they had the PW agreement- he said yes- so I asked him if he would sign the form. He refused too "as it wasn't necessary"- and when I said the guidance suggests it does need to be written confirmation (we've only had verbal to date) he said he wouldn't continue the conversation any longer and shut the door!
So what I'm hoping is someone utterly helpful can offer me some advice on what next! What I don't know is a) does a PWA have to be in writing or are they correct and we're all okay to proceed; b) what if we start the work and they change their minds; c) what if we complete the work having extended the wall astride the boundary as per the planning application and they change their minds- might we have to knock it down and move the wall back 10cm?; d) if that is too risky and we just extend along the boundary (making the bit of the Party Wall that is between our fonder stories look rather out of place) do we need to amend our planning application; e) if all of the above is not positive- is the only option to get "in dispute", appoint a surveyor (likely 2 surveyors as they won't accept we are in dispute so won't agree in writing to an agreed surveyor), and have to pay for this and another condition survey (I phoned the one we used- the most expensive quote but the only one the neighbour would accept as it was her recommendation- and they said if they started the 'award' procedure, they'd need to do another identical survey as the first one wouldn't be eligible- that has to be nonsense, surely- not that I seem to have any negotiating position).
As I said- it seems complicated! If anyone has any ideas on how we get through this- ideally without spending £3,000 on two surveyors and another condition survey- please, please let us know. I tried the RICS "free 30min" session but not one of the surveyors have returned my calls- I have no ideas left!! Thanks so much.