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Property/DIY

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Original poster

So unhappy here

15 replies

Stressed1912 · 13/08/2017 17:47

Me and my fiance just bought our first house and I've been miserable ever since. We were renting in a town we loved but chose to buy in a town 30 minutes away to shorten our commutes, it made sense in theory but I hate it. We have no friends or family in this town and don't work here so it feels pointless and empty.
It has triggered anxiety and depression which I am getting treatment for but I'm so disappointed, I feel I've failed. I should be so happy we bought our first home! The house needs modernising throughout so the plan is to do it up and consider moving back where we lived last..
Has anyone else moved somewhere and hated it? Did you move back or stay or go somewhere else entirely?

OP posts:

moutonfou · 13/08/2017 18:00

I'm in a similar situation although only renting. Have lived here for 5 years to be closer to work, but spend most of my free time driving back and forth from the town where all our friends and family actually live. Don't know anybody in the town I live in even after 5 years.

But you always have to remember there's a grass is greener on the other side element to everything. A short commute is nice because that gives you time back every day which really adds up. And if you then need to drive another 30 mins to see friends/family, it's only time you'd spend commuting if you lived there anyway, so you haven't lost anything. Ultimately it probably all works out the same.

I think give it time too. It's natural that this place has no meaning for you yet, having been there for so little time. But make an effort to explore it, maybe join some clubs, try the pubs, etc, and you may develop a liking for it?

Bearbehind · 13/08/2017 18:24

OP, you've posted about this several times before. Unfortunately there's no magic answer here.

Some people could make the most of your situation but others will focus on the negatives. Only you can decide if you should stay where you are.

The fact is though, until you give the new place a chance, it's never going to suit you.

You really, really need to decide if it's worth trying to like where you are or just cutting your losses and moving on.

800msprint · 13/08/2017 18:37

I'm similar. We have kids and have to do school applications soon and I'm about to go on anti depressants to get me through it as I'm not sure we're going to move area now. Our issue is we don't have a magic place which is home. You do! I would probably give it a year then move back. No bother if no kids.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 13/08/2017 18:47

Haven't you posted this before op? I'm not sure what other answers you are looking for?

Original poster

Stressed1912 · 13/08/2017 19:35

I suppose I'm just hoping to find other people that have been in this position because I feel very alone and like I'm going mad to be honest.
Mountonfou the grasses greener thing is definitely true and if we move back we would have to get a smaller house as prices are higher.
800 I'm sorry you are struggling and I hope the school application process at least goes smoothly, is there no chance you will move?

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 13/08/2017 20:05

OP, the help you need isn't going to be found here.

People make different choices when faced with the same set of circumstances.

You've clearly made you location a massive issue and only you can decide how to change that.

QueenofBlah · 13/08/2017 22:48

I'm so sorry you feel how you do and I've no personal experience of anything similar. I was just wondering if there was anything you could do to help you like your house a bit more - after all you own this one! Could you create a spare room or get a sofa bed so that friends and family from your last town can come and stay with you? You could then visit some local pubs and cafes with your new friends and hopefully break away from the feeling of always wanting to be in your old town.
You must have lots of extra spare time during weekdays because of the shorter commute, you could spend that making your garden nicer, or just by strolling around the area with your partner during the light evenings. Gardening at the front of your house often leads to opportunities to get to chat to the neighbors. Unless there is a reason to hate your new neighborhood, e.g. It's unsafe, then before long it will surely seem like home if you give it a chance.

WhichJob · 13/08/2017 23:45

We moved last year for similar reasons but we have DC. It doesn't feel like home yet and the house needs a lot of work doing to it so none of it feels like 'ours' yet. I try to focus on the reasons we moved here in the first place which are still valid for us. Also, we have only been here for a year so I keep telling myself that in another year it will feel more like home and so on and so on. We couldn't possibly afford to move again, it cost us a fortune with fees etc so we have to make the most of it. However if that isn't the case for you, you could cut your losses and move back.

ScarlettInSpace · 14/08/2017 10:42

If the house needs work can you not view this as a project?

Start planning the work, and just get on with fixing it up so you can flip it, make some money and move to where you want to be?

You might find if you look at it as a project rather than a home you will feel less emotionally tied to it?

GreenTulips · 14/08/2017 10:51

I think part of the issue is your friends and family don't make the effort? Maybe speak to them about coming over more often.

Anything on locally you can join? College evening classes so you meet a few people locally - even if you plan on staying a year and few local friends would help you feel more settled

Lucisky · 14/08/2017 11:05

Yes, many years ago I bought somewhere in a hurry. I couldn't find what I wanted, and as it was close to work I thought it would do. I hated it, which was a shame because it was lovely, I just felt so isolated. I sold it 10 months later and moved to a different part of the country. It was a lesson learnt, never buy somewhere to live unless you love both the house and the area. If you are a bit meh about it, you will only become more so, you will probably not grow to love it over time. If it is making you so unhappy, move. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I sold mine.

Easilyflattered · 14/08/2017 12:47

I have some sympathy OP. I've lived in this house 7 years after relocating from overseas. The house was bought for sensible practical reasons, we knew nobody when we moved here. I've been utterly miserable here at times but for financial reasons I've had to endure it, in the autumn this house is going on market and we're moving on, hopefully!

My advice to you is to actively join some clubs, gradually you'll meet people. If you have kids you will meet people at baby groups and via school gates eventually. Focus on doing up your house to make it more desirable when you decide to move on, or simply make your house feel more like a home.

Depression makes you introverted, but you're going to have to make an effort. Try to see it's your mindset that needs to change. Be determined to make a success of it. Be thankful that you have a home. Remember refugees arrive in a country with only the clothes they stand up in!

Be brave OP, make the decision to make the most of it

800msprint · 15/08/2017 08:40

Stressed pm me if you want to chat more.

May still move - it's whether the fear of moving again outweighs staying out for us!!

Pantryboy · 15/08/2017 21:14

I felt like this about moving to our house for a couple of years OP .....until I suddenly realised I loved this house then lol. Give yourself a little bit of time to adjust is my advice good luck !

LazyDailyMailJournos · 16/08/2017 21:26

You have to make the best of it. I moved to a 'compromise' area on the basis that we were going to be there for 2-3 years. Over a decade later we're finally in the process of selling up and moving.

It's hard living somewhere that you don't like, but it truly is what you make of it. You have to find the positives and concentrate on them.

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