Moving back to London

[solomonrulesok]

Has anyone done it? Any regrets? Why did you move back?
I really want to move back but haven't yet as there are a number of issues...

1. We don't actually have many friends left in London. The ones that are there are in SW though we prefer N. That said, our friends are dotted all over the place. I find it hard making friends so am a bit scared to start again.
2. Just bringing up kids in London. I would feel v guilty and selfish. I feel I ought to bring them up in the country. I know all the benefits of living in London but my head says pollution, crime, lack of open space, issues at secondary. Everyone moves out when they have kids don't they!? (However sometimes my other head says yes but! They are going to be so bored where you live now when they are teenagers and they will get so many more cultural opportunities in London and the parks are amazing. Plus I just think I would hopefully meet more likeminded friends and then I would be happier.)
3. My big guilt is rocking the boat. And also I'm feeling so knackered and quite depressed I'm not sure I can actually deal with a big move back! Have to do school applications from this Sept. we will get into a lovely infant school where we know a few other kids. Preschool set up for this sept. Lovely carers. We would be going through looking into all that all over again and I'm not sure I'm up to it.
4. Not knowing where in London to go. Would have healthy budget of 1.5m. Need to be near the city. Love N London and what I know, though don't actually know anyone there anymore so a bit scary doing that? Would need to be near green space as I have got used to it and also the guilt thing of bringing up kids in London.
5. Wondering whether I just haven't found the right place outside of London or whether there is another option like moving further out and getting a tiny flat in London so feel like still have a foot there (and can move back when kids grown up!!) But feel nervous doing that too due to all of above. Basically don't know where May suit is better or whether it would be a case of grass is greener and I'd still be miserable!! I thought I wanted to leave when had kids but have missed it every day for 3.5 years. I am trying to think of all the great things about where I live but there is always an underlying panic that I'm going to be here until the kids leave home. I know if we had family nearby it would be a no brainer. We don't so there is no pull anywhere. I get confused as I don't know London with kids. My life is obviously very different now so I'm not sure if moving back would make it all infinitely rosier or I just struggle with being a mother and all the kids of freedom. I equate London with my lovely carefree life I guess.

I think a lot of people just don't realise that being away from London can be isolating and not fun. You just don't have the same things to keep you occupied! I think schools are a big issue and I would have the flat in London in your position. In fact that's what I actually do!

You could move to somewhere near the end of the tube in Herts or Bucks. That gives you a quick commute into London!

I don't know op- you have a lot of important things sussed - good school options etc. You don't have specific friends to just start again with in London. It will be more expensive and overcrowded and all the rest.

But only you know - I agree that the cultural opportunities are amazing and you have a great budget. I live in a rural area and never really made a close group of like minded friends and I think I would move if I were guaranteed to meet them.

Don't just rush in!

I think children and London are a great combination. I've got loads to do on my doorstep (city farm, wide green spaces, lots of varied parks) in Sw London, zone 3. My husband has a relatively quick commute from the city so sees the kids most nights before bed. I walk everywhere as everything is so close so they get lots of exercise. The biggest downside is the astronomical housing cost. If we hadn't stretched ourselves ten yrs ago to buy here we couldn't afford to be here now.

What strikes me about your OP is the reasons not to do it are opinions from anonymous 'others' or parenting guilt. If you want to move, you should. Children want happy parents. You might as well move before the school applications go in.

Plenty of kids are brought up in London and survive. Just dont be like sweetybumps on another thread blubbering about carcinogens from woodburners

You accept worse air if you live in a city. Its not the 1950s.

Thanks all. I wonder if having a bolthole would settle my heart a bit. DH is not keen to do that as seems like a dumb idea tax wise and unsure how much time we'd spend there (I think I'd be there a lot!)
I'm only half hour on train but worlds away in terms of atmosphere.
I would feel v guilty moving everyone back. Yes commute would be quicker but it's not too bad where we are. Only reasons really are when kids are older and I can work a bit more it's hard where I am as commute for me is 1.5 hours each way. Similarly when the kids are teenagers they will be bored (probably) where we are (though I grew up in rural and was fine so who knows) Basically I wish there was a big reason to move back then I wouldn't feel guilty!

Are any of your London friends going on a longish holiday this summer? If so, can your whole family house sit for the fortnight to have a go at London-with-kids? Obvs not the same as actually moving, but might help sort your thinking out a bit.

I am afraid I don't really understand your guilt. London is an absolutely incredible place to bring up kids, I can't imagine doing it anywhere else. You've a healthy budget so will be able to afford a nice area. There's so much to do in London and look beyond the teeny years. I've got a 14 year old and London is the most wonderful place for him to lend his teen years. Buses are plentiful and free, the tube is very cheap and he and his friends spend days just exploring and getting to know the city. I love that they take themselves into Chinatown, pop into a museum, watch the entertainment in Covent Garden and the like.

When he's older he will have so many job opportunities and cost won't be a factor as he will be able to live at home if he likes.

What's to feel guilty about? You're able to afford give your children a London childhood and that's an amazing gift IMO

Years ago we visited friends who moved from London to a Norfolk village, for the children.
My 10 year old said "Is this the sticks, mummy?" She was appalled and made us promise we would never move out of our east London area.
Forward 15 years. Daughter thinks growing up here was fantastic and plans to live here as an adult. She is overseas currently. We plan to stay too.
Friends in Norfolk. They say their children will never live there, although enjoyed their childhoods. They are looking at moving.

Thanks guys! Can you be my friends?! Oh yes def to the guilt factor. I get it from my mum and to some extent my friends who have moved out and think I'm mad to consider moving back or just don't understand it.
I guess the major thing apart from the guilt is the upheaval and scariness of finding schools, childcare, an area to live too.
I've always felt at home in London even though I grew up in the countryside.

I guess the major thing apart from the guilt is the upheaval and scariness of finding schools, childcare, an area to live too.

That is the hard bit but be realistic about the areas you look in, there are millions or nurseries, childminders etc. Cleaners and babsitters are plentiful and generally quite cheap, there are lots of aupairs looking for some extra money. Schools are hard at reception but I'm yet to meet anyone who doesn't have a school and people move all the time and places come up at even the most sought after schools and your children will accept and embrace multi culturalism. There's nothing more lovely than seeing children of all different races and religions sharing other children's cultural heritage.

If I was a millionaire I would buy a house in west Greenwich. I love it there.
We moved back to our northern hometown after a few years in London. I would like to retire there and spend my twilight years having afternoon tea in fancy hotels and seeing shows, exhibitions and pootling round the museums.
You say you wish you had a 'big reason' to move back - isnt wanting to bd happy and enjoy your life a good enough reason?? Yes, many people move when they have kids but I think that is often financially driven - not being able to afford a large enough home in a nice area in the city. But that doesnt apply to you - lucky you! So move!

I agree with a PP, why not move to the end of a tube line and have the best of both worlds? If you need access to the city, there are some nice areas on the far end of the central line - south woodford, woodford green, wanstead, snaresbrook, epping.

I really get this - am a Londoner but now live in a small rural town and hadn't realised the culture difference in all sorts of ways.
We won't be moving back (couldn't possibly afford it) but definitely see where you're coming from.
I had a great time growing up in London.

We moved back from semi rural seaside idyll 4 years ago (4 years away) for DHs dream job opportunity. Absolutely no regrets, apart from a smaller than ideal house. It is still perfectly big enough though, and the brilliant schools on our doorstep more than make up for it.

Everyone doesn't move out of London when they have kids, didn't, nor did the majority of my friends - a significant amount who did move regret the decision and, like you, are torn

Go back, you have a decent budget. There are tons of good schools in London, it has the best state secondaries in the country. You won't regret it

We live in Chiswick and it's an absolutely lovely place to raise children. If you wanted to do independent school you would be a bit late on finding a reception place but I'm sure you could find something, or you could try to move into catchment for a good state school. Your budget wouldn't buy a palace (prices here now are CRAZY) but it would get a perfectly decent 3-bedroom home with a smallish but big enough garden, in close proximity to a tube station, lovely parks, restaurants, and shops.

I know you said you prefer North and I'm not trying to convince you otherwise. I'm just saying life in London is nothing to feel "guilty" about. That's a very odd sentiment as far as I'm concerned. We pay a small fortune to give our children this life!

With a budget of £1.5m I'd def move back. You'll be able to get a 3 or 4 bed with small garden somewhere nice for that!

I would do it in a heartbeat in your position. London is a fantastic place to bring up children, and I can tell you as the parent of teenagers, your life becomes one long chauffeuring job if you live rurally, even if public transport is available as it tends to be rubbish. You can have holidays in the country so the children can run around in the fields and paddle in the streams and so on.

Having grown up in London I cannot tell you how important it is to teenagers to be independent - being able to jump on a tube and go to Camden market on a saturday morning, for example, was the highlight of my life at 15. Your children will enjoy London far more than the countryside. And you'll make new friends, it's easy when you have small children. There are more people to choose from too.

I love where I live now and think I've become acclimatised to the countryside and probably wouldn't enjoy London as much as I think I would (too used to being able to drive at more than 12mph for a start) but I do still yearn for it. And I think with your budget you'd be able to buy somewhere reasonable (but not massive) in zone 3 probably so bloody go for it and don't feel guilty. Your children are too small to mind the upheaval at this stage so I can't see a downside.

OP where did you move out to?

I ask because moving out is something I have always toyed with but worry about feeling the same as you. We are TTC currently and if it ever happens will need to make a decision as our current property too small.

I live in SE London. I grew up in the West Country and although I think my kids would love to live back there now I know then they're teens and older London will be great for them.
The downside currently (they are 9&7) is there is no grass at their primary school. However as you know,the parks here are great. We have about 5 massive ones within a 10 minute walk of drive.Also there is so much free stuff in London.

Expecting DC1 here and have just bought a larger home in anticipation, in Zone 2 of SE London. I'm involved in lots of community stuff and there is tons for kids and teens to do at the weekend here - it's one festival/local event after another. I recently saw the local state school orchestra perform and had to hold back the tears from how good they were, and how supportive/plugged in the parents and teachers were being.

In your shoes I'd look at particular areas you know and like, consider what you can afford house-wise, look at the local schools, and see whether that area works for you. "London" is enormous, and it's not helpful to think about it as a whole IMO.

Would add when my dc - now 13 and 10 were littler, they'd moan a bit about not living in the countryside, though we visited plenty

Now both adore living in London, appreciate all its benefits and regularly say they couldn't imagine being anywhere else

BTW - it's not the same thing, but to give you a different perspective - I grew up abroad. It was standard there for most houses in working- and middle-class neighbourhoods to have a swimming pool. My parents agonised throughout my childhood about how our house didn't have a pool. When I was 12 or so they finally bought a house with a pool. Did I use it? Did I fuck. Between me and the dog I think we got five swims in a year. I was a complete homebody and would be in my room with a book most of the time.

Obviously there are lots of things that children need (or even that are universally desirable) but the idea that children must have access to the countryside/a large garden/whatever needs considerable thought before it forms the basis for such an important decision.

Northerner, lived in S London after uni, left for rural, back - now n London a few years ago - what you forget about london- it is dirty, Londoners accept/don't notice that dust builds up in days, there's a constant fight with hard water and getting anywhere is 12mph or less - so you don't routinely ho far.
Tourists mean museums are rammed at times you go with kids. Theatre prices mean you stick to the smaller theatres - whilst you get reasonable choice - it's nothing like the range or quality I had before moving back. Restaurants are silly prices, most places you won't have butchers/bakers so you're constrained to the waitrose/Morrisson/sainsbury offerings
Public transport good obviously and kids oyster fantastic you don't have to travel much to hit the daily oyster cap for adults - but commuting is horrid.
Yes Greenwich Park is fab but you can't let kids run - just too many people around - and too often the local parks need an initial stroll around to make sure they're safe after the late evening visits of yoof and allies.
School catchments in N London at least are tiny around good schools with significant house price premiums

Congestion charging has reduced air pollution and congestion but its still horrid on hot days.

If you're looking for the London of your youth - consider whether your children will really follow your path