Help! Can't settle in new house & anxious about neighbours

[pnutmouse]

Hello, I'm new to posting on Mumsnet but I really need some help. I can't stop crying and feeling severely anxious. We moved into our new house 4 weeks ago. We had been in our old house for 14 years. The whole buying/selling rollercoaster lasted 11 months and left me feeling exhausted and really emotional.
I can't settle in the new house. The house itself is really nice but I don't feel right and at times feel I don't want to carry on with life anymore. It sounds so stupid when I write it down. I've got a lovely hubby and small boy, but I've become extremely anxious about the neighbours and worrying they'll disturb us. We lived in a really quiet house before, the neighbours were so quiet we never heard a thing. In the new house we're semi-detached and next door are 2 professional blokes who are renting. We can hear their TV and occasionally radio in the garden and through the wall. It's not loud-loud, but I'm freaking out that they'll have parties or it will become unbearable. My hubby is really worried about me, I'm in such a state worrying about what might happen. I've been to the GP and been prescribed anti-depressants and beta blockers but haven't taken them as I'm reluctant to take drugs. I'm hoping it'll feel better soon or someone might have felt the same after moving house? x

Specialsubject, Arcadia, Giddyonzackhunt, alazuli, bitofeverything, heirofnothing, miow.
A huge huge thank you all for taking the time to reply, I have found your words incredibly helpful and really meaningful to me. Thank you for your kindness.
It's lovely to hear that things have turned out better than the fear leads you to initially believe. After the most terrible day yesterday (when I posted for the first time) I took a Beta Blocker today for the first time today. It was lush feeling free for a day from the butterflies and tears. But ...Unfortunately my neighbours started playing FooFighters in their garden at 8.30pm just as I was reading my boy his bedtime after his bath, which set me back, fortunately it only lasted 15 mins and it's been quiet since. But what about tomorrow and the next few days, months, years???? it's made me really freak that we've made a huge mistake and we might have ruined our peace, which I value so highly.
Oh bugger. I think I'm strong enough and capable of talking to the guys next door and telling them if we're being disturbed but is it unfair of me, everyone's entitled to listen to music now and then and it's not like it's 4am! I just really value peace and quiet and the problem with moving is you never know who's going to be your next door neighbour. I've made my husband promise me we can move in one year if I'm still in the same pickle, I hope I'm not.
You're a lovely bunch and thank you so much for messaging. It's so reassuring to fe you're not the only one I can't tell you.i wanted to run to the hills yesterday but today I realise other people have felt, or still feel, like I do and that's so lovely xxxx

Hi Pnut, just popped back to see how you are getting on and really glad to hear you have started on the beta blockers (and that they worked!). Sounds like the worst possible timing for Foo Fighters! On the one hand your neighbours seem quite reasonable to only play for 15 mins then stop of their own accord but I absolutely know that the badness of it happening in the first place outweighs everything at the moment. That's the anxiety.

It sounds from what you've said that change is really tough for you (me too!) If something traumatic happened to you when you were little it's quite possible that it would pop its head up again now, when you feel like you've lost control over your safe happy environment. Never underestimate the power of the subconscious to make annoying and inconvenient connections!

Keep taking the pills, keep talking here if it helps and again I'd definitely recommend finding someone to talk to in real life, if you can. It'll probably be cheaper than moving house

Hi OP - thanks for the update and really hoping the meds continue to work.

I think that in a world with headphones, there's no excuse for loud music unless at a party venue or living on a desert island - but this does not seem to be everyone else's view. As you say there does have to be compromise.

suggestion; when you are feeling better, perhaps say hello to your neighbours and start off on the right foot? Chat about your little boy. The neighbours may not realise that kids have bedtimes (people don't think..).
This may be taken as a gentle hint that peace would be good.

if there is excessive noise you are perfectly within your rights to ask them to turn it off. But if it has only been a few minutes then I hope you have good neighbours who just like an occasional short mad boogie round the garden. Most people are reasonable.

one day at a time and I wish you every day to be better.

Hi pnuthouse, I know this thread is really old now but I just came upon it at 5 in the morning after another sleepless night of regret and anxiety in our new house. I'm actually sleeping in the spare room because my crying and moaning and twitching keeps my OH awake. I just can't believe we've moved from our fantastic flat and hate the new area; don't even want to go out because the streets make me so depresad.
How are you now? Did you recover at all? How long did it take if you do feel better? I'm desperately unhappy and can't see any way forward.

Hi i know this post is 3 years old nearly but i was just wondering how you got on an if you stayed where you where? Ive jst moved last week and have cried hysterically every day and night i have also said to my partner can we sell if i dont settle. Cant fault house gorgeous new build 10 minutes up the motorway from where we lived moved for a better high school but i just cant settle its not my home the house is beautiful but i hate it haha because i dont want to be here i want to go home to my last house or certainly in the area i lived kids seem to love if which is good but im struggling really bad its scary

Hi,
I know this is an old thread but posting as it looks like over the years others I’ve picked up on it too. I could’ve written the original thread. I’m totally freaking in the new house. Have convinced myself we’ve bought a lemon. Have referred to MH services as think it’s getting out of control. Love to hear from people who’ve felt like this a few years on....

I have been reading this whole thread and like others find myself in a similar situation where my anxiety about my new house has really spiralled and I am stressing over things that haven't happened yet. Not sure if anyone will see this now but I would love to know if things got better for you and what you did to try to help. I have had my house for a month and haven't even moved in yet because it needed so much work but have already convinced myself I have made the biggest most expensive mistake and my anxiety has been terrible since we completed.

I don't think it is silly at all OP! I am lucky with the neighbours I have but I certainly would be worried if we got new ones. I have a huge fear of living beside noisy neighbours who will impact on my quality of life. They did have a party once, they told me it would be happening and I absolutely dreaded the day coming, gave me awful anxiety. It lasted until 12 and I barely heard it.
Moving house is a huge, emotional uphe4aval and so much stress. I think it is perfectly normal to feel how you do. Anxiety is very hard to live with and sometimes fear of the unknown is actually worse than when something actually happens! Just know there are plenty of people just like you and your feelings are valid and normal.

Moving house is very, very stressful and it's common and normal for the emotional and physical exhaustion to make one feel very unsettled, panicky and blue in the following weeks. BTDT. It's awful, but it's a temporary blip.

Please, please take your medication as prescribed , it will help (not instantly, but within a couple of weeks). You are not embarking on a lifetime of depression and drug dependence. This is you taking control .

I’ve been convinced I’ve brought a house that’s going to fall down/cost me a fortune/overpaid by loads every single time I have moved. I’m in my 4th (& final 🤞🤞) property now and I felt exactly the same this time. A few months in, it feels like home.

Big hugs! :( I have generalised anxiety disorder and wonder if it might be something you're suffering from too? I find it hard to relax and fixate on things that worry me, where i imagine the worst case scenario and then worry over it and become really sensitive to noticing it too. Once i've noticed something wrong, it's hard to stop worrying and forget about it, even if its something minor that doesn't worry other people. It's sort of like your brain is trying to protect you by preparing you for the worst, but instead of helping it just makes things worse! Did your doctor refer you to a mental health service for more support? Counselling and CBT really helped me, they teach you how to spot when you're overworrying about things you don't need to, and how to change how you think about things!! :)

OP has been in her house for SIX YEARS now!

consider some earplugs or noise cancelling headphones, but honestly you’ll get used to the small daily noise. I’d suggest chatting to your neighbours now and getting to know them - hopefully they would then be respectful and let you know if they were going to have a party (which they are within their rights to do!), and you’ll feel more comfortable asking them to reduce noise, if necessary. It might alleviate your worries a little if you feel comfortable with the neighbours

I know this is a very old discussion now but I'm glad I found it. Just over a week ago we moved into a semi-detached house and every little noise through the wall makes me panic and feel sick even though all we've heard is a bit of radio + shower twice in the bathroom for 20 mins and the odd bump and clunk. I am a very anxious person and I worry constantly and catastrophize a lot so moving has made me a bit frazzled anyway. On top of that, several years ago we had nightmare noisy neighbours move into the flat below us (literally screaming at each other all the time, extremely loud music all hours etc really aggressive if you tried to talk to them) and it's made me so paranoid about neighbour noise. I feel so on edge all the time.