London: stay or leave? So conflicted...

[LittlePickleHead]

Argh need some advice as can't work out what to do. Neither option seems 100% right.

Bizarrely given two other current threads, we are torn between staying in Forest Hill or moving to Berkhamsted. Our DC2 starts primary next September, and given how hard in year transfers can be at ks1 I feel like we have to decide soon if we are going to leave and do it before applications (dc1 going into y3 so hopefully will be easier to move). . We know we will outgrow our current flat in the next few years so will be looking to move regardless of if we stay. Whatever we decide to do, we want to make it a final decision until the children have left home.

I've listed my pros and cons. Does anyone have any insight? Has anyone left and desperately regretted it?

Pros (moving to Berkhamsted)

• much closer to both sets of grandparents, and all family
• close to v good friends
• on door step of beautiful countryside with fab shops restaurants etc close by
• good schools
• ok commute for DH
• wouldn't have to face the horrible journey just to get out of London to visit people/go on holiday

Cons

• prices no cheaper than here so either option means increasing mortgage to afford a house
• will be difficult and expensive for me to carry on with my part time job in London so would have to find local work
• have to change schools and find childcare/holiday care
• daughter settled at school and worried about moving her
• have in last couple of years made a lot of friends locally in FH and would have to start again
• I love London and worried if I don't live or work there I'll miss it and regret leaving
• forest hill is a lovely place to live, it's improved so much over the 10 years we've been here.

The main reasons for considering moving are to be closer to family and countryside and because we've just always assumed we would move out. But now it's come to us making an actual decision I feel terrified! I don't want to miss the boat on moving and then disrupt the children further into their schooling.

Any thoughts/advice?

Based on your posts, stay. We left but we went to Birmingham - don't move unless it's to another big city.

I moved out of London a year ago. Unlike you I couldn't afford even an extra bedroom in our old area. We moved for a better house, better quality of life (dh is at home more), better opportunities for my work and we're financially much, much better off. Also many of our friends had moved out because they just couldn't afford to stay so our support network had dramatically reduced.

If you're not getting any of that then stay. It is difficult and disruptive to move. In some ways it wasn't as hard as I thought and I don't regret it but that is because the pros massively out weigh the cons.

If we had been able to have the house we have now in London we would have stayed.

I moved from Brockley to the Outer Burbs 18 months ago. I miss it so much! It's not just the length of the journey that has changed but the regularity of trains. After 8pm there is only one train an hour, which I hate. I don't like being a commuter. We both work full time and are both knackered Monday to Friday, and our quality of life is rubbish.

However it does make weekends easier. We spent a lot of time before stuck in traffic to get anywhere. We just don't have that now. And I do think the green spaces are better for our toddler. So I can't see us moving back but that makes me sad. When she leaves home I'm getting a flat in zone 1!

I'd stay - neither you or your husband have good career reasons for moving out and your relatives are too far for everyday help at 1.5 hours away.

You have to balance costs of housing with extra commuter costs and of you potentially getting worse paid work.

If I was going to leave London, I'd want it to be to another city a bit further where we could both live and work.

Thanks so much for everyone's opinions/experiences, it's given me and DH a lot of food for thought. I think it's very telling that there seems to be such a consensus to stay!

I think we're going to hold off another year and then reasses. The worst thing would be to rush a decision and then regret it, so if we do decide to move in the future we'll just have to deal with the moving schools issue when it arises.

Thanks again

Just to reinforce what someone else said upthread, once your children are a bit older they will really appreciate living where you do. As children get older and their weekends are taken up with sports/homework/socialising your family lifestyle will evolve (you don't see many teens at NT properties!) and they will really appreciate being in London. I know several families who moved out then back again in very short order - be sure before you leave as it is very hard to move back.

I had a dark night of the soul about 6 weeks ago and seriously thought about moving out. We live in S W London (not the posh bits, Colliers Wood) in a flat which have extended in the loft. My reasons for leaving were to be closer to countryside and to afford a house. Unlike you I was not moving to be closer to family, in fact I felt I could move because my Dad who has Alzheimers and whom I have supported for 5 years has moved into a care home.
However, we decided not to move and the main reason was DS1's (13 yo)reaction: fear and panic, he burst into tears and begged us not to (DS2 was cool with the idea) as he has friends here and feels settled . So I re assessed priorities and decided to put my desire for a house on the back burner till the kids leave home. Yours kids are younger OP so it would be different and probably OK to move at any point while in primary (unless you want to go for selective schools).

We stayed. DC have now just left school, and we have not regretted it.

1. The range of things for younger kids was fantastic. Get on a bus got the science museum followed by the Princess Diana playground. Coram Fields, Borough Market, the south Bank, Battersea Park, Unicorn Theatre. Go to the British Museum when they are studying the Tudors etc.

1. The range of things for older children was equally fantastic. Different sports clubs that they could get to by public transport, public lectures to support A level studies, China Town for cheap food, meeting up at Camden market, Uniqlo, Primark, Westfield and TKMaxx, external and first rate drama courses and so on.

1. Improving schools and some very good sixth forms.

1. DH has a very London centric job, but it was much easier for me to find good, interesting, and flexible employment as I had access to Central London.

1. London is fab. On a whim, and after not going to the theatre for a while, I bought last minute tickets to both Hedda Garbler and Amadeus last week. Both fantastic. Londoners are so lucky.

Both DC are glad they grew up in London. We had a short stay lodger doing an internship in London and DD was appalled at the idea of a village where the only hang-out options were a Chinese serving chow-mein, of a chippie, serving pizza and spicy chips. Growing up in London's diversity means much broader horizons. Not just the confidence of being able to take a bus or train and find your way around. The American visa thing yesterday has DD considering who of her friendship group, or their parents, might be affected. She is also aware of the upsides and downsides of different cultural approaches to parenting that her friends have received, eventually leaving her both tolerant and more secure in who she is and what values are important to her.

Downsides are obviously pollution (which seem to have been awful recently), crowdedness, and the stress, aggravation and expense of living in a huge city.

I live hundreds of miles from family in SE. The answer is to get up at 3 or 4 5 or 6 on a weekend day jump in car and miss the traffic. Or time trip to arrive home at 10pm so M25 is quieter.

Thinking you can leisurely get up, be in car by 11 for a day trip to rellies is daft, in fact probably daft in many areas of teh country. Traffic is bad everywhere.

Hi! Realise this thread is OLD, but find myself in exactly the same position as LittlePickleHead. Berkhamsted is where we will go if we go. Cuts a 2 hour trip to parents to 1 hour. We are South East London / Kent borders. I wonder whether you DID move or not LittlePickleHead?!

We have just made a similar move... and there are pros and cons and we had a couple of big pros for moving including wanting to be near a specific special needs school.

In your case, I would really stay where you are. Giving up your work and local network is a HUGE thing. I had already had to give up both for a couple of reasons including my health so I wasn't living the life I had before in London (and had loved!).

You can still visit family and friends and get to the countryside. I also don't think enough people factor in what their lives will look like in 10-15 years. If you are happy where you are, don't go!

Zombie thread... just realised!

I'm still here :D

We are in the exact same situation - our flat sale fell through two weeks ago which we were devastated about at the time but we were going to go into rented in London as we still haven’t decided where to move to. We both love London so much but we are in a flat so would love a garden but that’s the only reason to move. But actually don’t think our toddlers are that bothered as we have a lot of space and so many green spaces on our doorstep so now thinking they maybe did us a favour?