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Original poster

We lost our dream house

23 replies

sailawaywithme · 25/02/2016 03:22

We've been house hunting for almost a year and seen nothing, and then this weekend we found our dream place. Loved everything about it. Biggest thing was that we had friends down the street and lots of children the same age as ours. Our oldest in particular struggles socially; having kids close by is really crucial for us. It had been on the market 8 months. Long story short - someone outbid us.

I'm crushed. Beyond crushed, I have been crying constantly. I feel as though we will never get past this. Our decision not to go higher feels like it will haunt me, I feel as though this is the worse decision we've ever made. What if we never find a house/street like it? I feel as though we had a chance to finally feel as though we belong, and for our children to. And we threw it away for £5000. I feel sick.

OP posts:

Plateofcrumbs · 25/02/2016 04:04

for you

Buying property is fraught at the best of times. Remember that something like a third of property purchases fall through. Even if you had bid more - you might have got into a bidding war that still left it out of your grasp, the buyer might have pulled out, you could have had a bad survey or been scuppered by legal issues. There is no point dwelling on the £5k.

Why did you decide not to increase your offer? Presumably you had good reasons - focus on this. A dream home is no good to you if you are in a financial hole.

To be honest it sounds like you have invested too much in the 'dream' and seeing finding a home as a panacea for other problems. Realistically, living on a street with other children is unlikely in itself to resolve the fact your daughter struggles with social situations. Feeling like you 'belong' anywhere takes time and effort, it doesn't get handed over with the front door keys.

There will be other streets and other homes, you will get there.

JT05 · 25/02/2016 07:55

Sorry that this has happened and you feel sad. You might get a second chance.

This happened to us, years ago. We had to move ( job) so bought a perfectly pleasant house, as a stop gap. Intending to move a couple of years later.

We have lived happily in it for 27 years and are now sad to be selling!

You will find another house that you love.

swquestion · 25/02/2016 09:24

Commiserations. Can you say to the agent please please bear us in mind if the other buyer is too slow/falls through/can't get their act together? In the meantime how ready are you to put yourself in a strong position as sometimes the vendor would choose that over a 5k higher offer (this has happened to us on the house we are buying, our offer was about 6k less than the other competitor but...we were pretty much ready to go with mortgage offer in place, able to book a very quick bank survey - a mortgage broker can advise you on how long the various banks are taking to process mortgage applications and book valuations in, some take ages and ages, some are very quick).

QuiteLikely5 · 25/02/2016 09:27

Just go in with a higher offer. Sometimes this can sway the seller

Lelivre · 25/02/2016 09:39

We have been in a similar situation, with the house we went on the market for. This house fell through 4 times, each time we were not in a good enough position to snag it. We were so close and yet so far. It was sickening as there was only ever one house for us. We decided to come off the market and give up on all of it.

That was 1.5 yrs ago and I'm sitting in the dream house as I type this. We came off the market and so did the vendor, I saw it up for rent and we suddenly had two cash buyers (we were actually off the market and our contract with the EA had ceased the week before - it was a bizarre unexpected turn) and next thing you know we were both sale agreed. You just never know. Position yourself so you can be next in line. Make friends with their EA and ensure you are the first call they make if anything goes wrong.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 25/02/2016 16:17

This sort of happened to us, the house we wanted was sold to another buyer about 1 hour before we accepted an offer on our own house.

It's position to the other houses made it relatively unique and we were absolutely gutted. We were umming and ahhing about another house and then 1 week later we saw and bought the house we now live in, it is our dream/forever house. I do believe in things happening for a reason.

I know right now it seems like it was £5k but what if it had turned into a bidding war, and then at exchange the buyer wants even more?

If you really want it, then make it known. Put a letter through saying to contact you if the sale falls through.

BrokenApril · 25/02/2016 16:21

Its part of the learning curve of house buying, unfortunately. Never get attached to a house until completion. You'll toughen up after this, don't worry .

We were gazumped on our 'dream home', too. But 4 months later we found something even better. You will, too! Keep going...and good luck!

Thelwell · 25/02/2016 16:26

If the dream house hasn't undergone exchange of contracts and you want to offer another £5k then go for it. You sound really upset. The other buyer is hardly likely to have incurred costs at this stage, and legally until contracts are exchanged all bets are off anyway.... that's just the way it works in England (you're not in Scotland are you?). The estate agent is obliged to pass an increased offer on to the vendor because you viewed it prior to the house being taken off the market. Sometimes ithe take nearly losing something to help us understand its value to us. That said, im sure another house will come along soon. Hope you work it out whatever you decide to do.

Sunnyshores · 25/02/2016 16:28

IME experience you rarely win or lose a bidding war based just on money. So theres no point feeling guilty or stupid or blaming DH (if you are) about the £5k.

whatevva · 25/02/2016 16:36

This happened to us - I was keen but DH was not so, and would not pay more than he had to. The house was right at the top end of the asking price range and was functional but dated.

We didn't get the house, but the person who did knocked the vendor down a fair bit late on in the sale.

We extended and it worked out well.

Iamblossom · 25/02/2016 16:40

you have to think of it as if it was meant to be you would have got it. You will go mad otherwise. We lost out on a house I desperately wanted, and then it came back on the market as the buyers pulled out and we got it then.

If it is meant for you it won't go by you.

scribblegirl · 25/02/2016 16:44

OP, I had a similar thing on Monday - outbid on a tiny amount. I started this thread and have my first viewing after the disappointment tonight.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/2576863-Tell-me-your-we-didnt-get-the-house-but-it-was-all-for-the-best-in-the-end-stories-please?

Xmasbaby11 · 25/02/2016 16:47

If you can't afford the extra 5k it's worked out for the best.

whatevva · 25/02/2016 16:54

In a previous housing boom, someone I know was buying one of the big houses in our village that rarely comes up. It was on the market, they had their's sold and offered a good price. It was a probate sale, so the vendors wanted more time to sort out some things, and the grant of probates were taking a long time, so they were very patient etc. Then the vendors pulled out and put it back on the market at a higher price.

So my friend went round all the local estate agents and saw a small house on a small holding and it lit her candle. She realised that what she really wanted was a change in lifestyle and an orchard . They are still there years later.

Mummamayhem · 25/02/2016 16:55

I know exactly how you feel, we had such a roller coaster with our 'dream' house, sale was on then off then on again and we eventually lost it to a cash buyer. It took months for us to not feel gutted!! It was very OTT really.

We found a much smaller, cheaper house that I honestly couldn't imagine ever leaving. Love it. It is though a few doors down from 'dream mansion' . Location is key for me.

Keep looking it'll work out.

Bananajam · 25/02/2016 18:25

We put an offer on what we thought was our perfect house, we'd had such a horrible time selling ours, three offers falling through and buyers making life difficult. I felt the house was everything we wanted and was devastated when they decided they weren't selling and took the house off the market.

We had another 6 months before we found our current home and I love it far more than the previous one. It was definitely good luck for us as we'd never have got this one. Things happen for a reason I'm sure the perfect home is out there for you and everything will work out in the end. I agree with posts above - trying to win a bidding war would only end badly IMO.

Original poster

sailawaywithme · 26/02/2016 01:20

Thank you, everyone. To clarify, we are in the US. Once an offer has been accepted, you then do the inspection and the appraisal, etc. The buyer can back out at this point. Upon closing - which I think is the same as completion in the UK - the contract is binding. We have decided to give it one last shot and make another offer, which they can act upon or ignore. I don't feel good about potentially "gazumping" someone (we have been on the receiving end) but I need to feel as though we tried everything.

Thanks for the stories of coming through the other side. They really helped.

OP posts:

Original poster

sailawaywithme · 09/03/2016 01:33

So I have an update...we got the house!!

The deal with the other buyers fell through, so we have it!! The inspection was yesterday - nothing major - and we close in mid-April. Best of all, we've already had two dinner invitations from new neighbors and our children have been roaming in a pack with the neighbor kids every time we've been over there.

Thank you so much for your good wishes and kind words

OP posts:

ToastedOrFresh · 09/03/2016 02:42

That's excellent news. Well done. I was wondering, 'what's the betting the other offer falls through and they are back to you asking your for best and final offer.'

I'm nosey. Please can you say whether you increased your offer or did you pay what you offered in the first place ?

Original poster

sailawaywithme · 09/03/2016 03:17

Not nosy at all!!

We are in the US so the system is a little different, but basically the buyers and seller had some kind of disagreement, and it all went sour. Without knowing this, we upped our offer to $35k more than we'd initially offered, which was $25k over list price, and we submitted it as a "backup" offer. Just in case anything happened to the deal.

When our agent submitted our back-up offer, on the Friday, the sellers agent told him our timing was impeccable and that the first deal was teetering. My agent and my husband were actually in cahoots and told me none of this.

The following Monday was our wedding anniversary and we went for dinner. My husband gave me a gift wrapped in a scroll. It was a photo of the house! Possibly the best gift ever

So we paid a chunk more but don't regret it for a second, especially as the spring market opens up and we see what else is out there. We lucked out!

OP posts:

ToastedOrFresh · 09/03/2016 08:36

Truly excellent. Well done.

What a lovely romantic gesture from your husband too.

swquestion · 09/03/2016 08:56

Awww so glad it worked out well and what a sweet surprise from your DH.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 09/03/2016 09:04

Great news OP! I'm also sat in a house we were originally outbid on Sometimes these things do just work out. But if not, there are always other houses.

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