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Hubby being ridiculous

16 replies

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 18:49

My husband has completely unrealistic expectations of our next house. He is completely unwilling to compromise on anything. We have been looking for 8 months and not found anything he is really willing to go for!
I'm seriously starting to worry and it's driving a wedge between us. There's been quite a few houses I've really liked that he's discounted for:
Bedrooms too small
Garden too big
Garden too small
Garden won't get enough sun
Near a lane
Near a main road
Too expensive
Boiler is old

I could go on. I know some of these things aren't ideal but we need to either compromise on area, house or garden and he isn't willing to do it on any.

No idea what to do ??

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/11/2015 18:53

it sounds like he wants to stay where you are.

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 18:58

No definitely not. We're in a two bedroom flat that he hates.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 03/11/2015 19:05

He sounds really picky. Have you sat down to write a list of what you both want and what you're willing to compromise on?

LizzieMacQueen · 03/11/2015 19:47

Hmmm, maybe point out to him that it is easier to divorce than it is to find a suitable house..... (only slightly joking).

Seriously, has he not seen Location x 3?

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 19:50

He's very risk averse but it's starting to get to the point where I feel we don't do anything as its a 'risk'.
I understand he doesn't wasn't to make a mistake with this but equally it is unlikely he'll get everything he wants.
He finds houses that sold last year and claims that they're perfect and we need to wait til one 'comes up' argh.
We are out of the flat at the end of January so getting worried

OP posts:
wowfudge · 03/11/2015 20:01

I think he needs a wake-up call: where the hell does he think you are going to live if you don't get your skates on?

Agree you should both make wish lists then start working back from 'ideal' to 'I can live without it'. You should also compare what you are looking at with what you have got now and look at the improvements on your current place that they offer.

We're looking to move and my non-negotiables are a separate utility room from the kitchen and a kitchen diner. Everything else I am much less bothered about!

OnePlanOnHouzz · 03/11/2015 20:06

Maybe it's not the houses that are the problem - maybe it's getting a mortgage he's not keen on ?! It's a big step if you have only been renting so far ?!

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 20:12

we own the flat we're in but have ended up struggling to sell and in negative equity due to the market crashing so I think he's scared of it happening again.

We came up with a list of non negotiables but he's now finding more and more ridiculous things wrong with houses. We had almost completed on a house back in March and then had to pull out due to finding a major problem with it and I think he wants that house again without the problem which means he's unwilling to accept anything different.

Sorry for the whine. I'm so done with this house crap!!

OP posts:
OnePlanOnHouzz · 03/11/2015 20:22

Oh that's such a shame !! Fingers crossed you find something soon !!

yeOldeTrout · 03/11/2015 20:30

How much do you hate the flat?
After he finds a property he likes he can let you know so you can see it too. Give him a target to find 2 properties for you to view by end of this week.

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 20:36

I despise the flat. It's far too small for us now with two kids.
There's so little on the market here that I feel we can't be so picky. He knows what houses he likes but they're not for sale. His strategy for the last 8 months is to bury his head in the sand and hope that one of them will 'come up soon' which was fine before we ha a definite date to move out of the flat but now he can't afford to be so fussy.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 03/11/2015 20:40

don't rush into buying the wrong house. All those reasons were valid except the boiler.

if you have already sold - go into rental and wait.

NoSquirrels · 03/11/2015 20:47

Ask him what his plan is, then? 3 months is very little time to get it all done, realistically with Christmas & New Year in the middle of the period. Even the easiest house purchases hit snags.

Would he like to find somewhere to rent, instead? You need a back-up plan, and you need it to be his problem to sort it out.

Scattymum101 · 03/11/2015 20:51

I really don't want to rent :-(
After almost a year of looking I don't feel what he wants exists so we could end up renting another flat for another year and still not find what he wants.
I'm scared he'll just keep letting it drift and not do anything about it until after Christmas.
I'm getting stressed as I go back to work after Christmas after a year on Mat leave and am also going to have to deal with packing up and moving and the thought of moving into another flat just like this after all that just makes me cry.

I feel like we're just not on the same page at all

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 03/11/2015 21:10

ok, would his standards shift if you sold the next property to him as a temporary home? Just ask him to find somewhere he'd be happy with for 3 yrs.

Odds are after 3 yrs he'll be used to it or both ready to move on.

NoSquirrels · 03/11/2015 21:22

Hmm. OK. But you need a deadline, and you need to "motivate" him i.e. scare the arse off him with what will happen if he can't find somewhere he's happy with.

So, for example, if he would baulk at the idea of losing money to rent a house that's a) large enough to be a step up from the flat and b) imperfect anyway, then you need to point out forcefully that if he hasn't found somewhere he's happy to make an offer on by December 1st, you will be visiting letting agents with a view to renting a suitably expensive/large/practical property to rent. And he'll be paying removal costs twice (and adding the packing service into the deal twice, because you won't be doing it). You don't say how old DC1 is, too, but you need to consider schools and application deadlines too.

You can't buy somewhere just because you don't want to rent, if renting is more practical really. A mortgage IS a huge commitment and you need to be on the same page about the house you end up buying. So you can't force him into an agreement, really, just because you'd prefer not to rent.

Wrt the garden: who will be responsible for it, or who cares most? If mostly you, then you get veto. If mostly DH, then he gets veto. If it will require lots of money to look after from joint finances (in the case of too large, say), then it is a no.

Wrt the house e.g. bedroom size: all bedrooms too small? Objectively, i.e. can't fit furniture and storage in, or just smaller than you'd like? I would prioritise living space over sleeping space, so you need to know what yours and his priorities are.

Location: main roads are pretty much a straight-up no if one of you thinks so, IME. Not sure what the issue with "being by a lane" could be, though.

I do sympathise, OP.

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