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Original poster

Should I take our son back to say goodbye to our old home?

25 replies

MissMysticFalls · 12/10/2014 07:42

Hoping for some advice from more experienced movers than me please.

We moved into our new home in a new location last week and last night DS (2.5) woke up crying and told me he wanted to go home. We've been preparing him for the move for weeks, visiting the place while it's been renovated, sometimes with friends and family and he'd been very happy showing people which room was going to be his and chattering about all the exciting new things (a garden!) and wanting to see photos. He's been really excited and seems happy during the day.

I had planned to have a final "goodbye" to the place before we left but on moving day though, he and I visited friends while the removal men were busy and then followed them to the new place rather than go indoors (I knew it'd be a horrible mess and thought it would be better if he didn't see it like that and we thought we'd be going back later that day but ran out of time). But we still have a few days before we hand the keys back to our landlord so we could take him back to say goodbye to the empty (clean!) flat. Would you do that? Or do you think he'd be more upset?

Is there anything I should/could be doing now to help or is it just inevitable that he'll want to go home in the early weeks? (I've felt the same a few times when discovering some quirks about the new place!).

Thank you!

OP posts:

combust22 · 12/10/2014 07:46

At that age no I wouldn't take him back. I would acknowledge his feelings though.
We moved in July, my DD was very upset, howling with tears as she said her final goodbyes. It is part of growing up.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 12/10/2014 07:53

Nope I wouldnt.

There is a book called "I Want To Go Home" - think its one of those Naughty Little Princess books which is a good story to tell him. Id recommend that.

AnnOnymity · 12/10/2014 08:37

I wouldn't. I think it would upset him more. Just talk about it calmly and stress the positives. I bet in a week or so it will be forgotten about.

BranchingOut · 12/10/2014 08:45

Actually, I think it might help. It might be that he is just a bit disorientated as his time at the old place didn't really come to an end - he went out as normal but didn't go back...

Maybe go around the rooms and say 'good-bye bedroom', 'good-bye sitting room' etc and tell a little story about moving day: about how you got ready, how the movers came to help and all your things are in the new home now.

PepsiTwirl · 12/10/2014 08:48

I think seeing the old house empty and 'boring' will help alot.... telling a story as said underneath, would be great I think

HSMMaCM · 12/10/2014 08:53

I think going back to say goodbye might help with closure. If it can be accompanied by buying something special for the new house, then even better.

ChewyGiraffe · 12/10/2014 08:54

I like what Branching said, and if it was me, I think I'd do it whilst still had the opportunity. I think it would help to see the rooms empty and say a proper good bye.

Bowlersarm · 12/10/2014 08:59

I don't think id take him back.

My ds was four when we moved house and cried for two days. 10 years later be doesn't remember being upset at all, although his tears worried me for months!

They quickly forget IMO.

Haggisfish · 12/10/2014 09:13

We did what branching said. Dd was three and we took her back when house was empty to say bye. She was upset but we all were! I think it was good for her to be part if hhe final goodbye and she was very clear we were not going back to ghe old house. She still wistfully talks about parts of the old house now, six months on!

Pipbin · 12/10/2014 09:15

The people we bought our house from had a little boy the same age. We got on well with them and have stayed in touch. About a month after they moved they came over for a cup of tea and to pick up some post. The little boy had very little recollection of having lived in the house, even though at that time we had only redecorated one room. He looked out of the window at the garden and commented on the big tree but never said that it used to be his garden or house.

burnishedsilver · 12/10/2014 10:08

Whichever you decide, he will be fine. The new house will quickly become home. Personally, I think I would bring him back to see it empty but really there's no wrong decision.

Original poster

MissMysticFalls · 12/10/2014 11:19

Thank you all so much. I think we will take him back to say goodbye as we'll be in the area anyway and it being empty (and reminding him that all his toys and other things are in the new home) will help him make the separation. I like the idea of telling a story to remind him what happened.

I've also realised that post-move we've been so busy that he's probably not getting as much attention from us as he did in the old place and that doesn't help so we're having a full-on playing day today and leaving anymore unpacking until he's asleep.

Thank you again and for replying so quickly

OP posts:

Vagndidit · 12/10/2014 11:33

Really? My Ds was the same age when we did our huge move abroad and he was oblivious to the whole thing. We lived in a series of hotels and temporary accom during this time and he was fairly unphased by it. Five years on, he doesn't remember the move at all. Be sure you're not feeding him your own anxieties. They'll take their clues from you.

Vagndidit · 12/10/2014 11:34

Bah. Cues rather.

No clues here.

Good luck Op.

combust22 · 12/10/2014 11:36

vagndidit- wise words.

He is only 2. He won't remember the move in a years time.

I would buy him a new toy as a distraction.

SavoyCabbage · 12/10/2014 11:43

I think you might be making it a bigger deal,than it is. I would concentrate on the new house and tell him that he has all of his things and all of his people right here.

We emigrated when my dc were 5&2. My two year old was pleased to see her toys, cereal bowl, duvet cover and TV.

titchypumpkin · 12/10/2014 20:27

I think saying goodbye would be nice as long as it's done in a calm and positive way, maybe he could tell the old house about his new home :-)

And saying he's only 2 he won't remember in a year might not be true, we relocated in January when DD was 2.75, then we rented all this year and have just moved into the house we've done up, DD still clearly remembers our old house (despite us having not been back) and talks about it and about the move, some toddlers have good memories.

Original poster

MissMysticFalls · 13/10/2014 08:56

Interesting - thanks. Yep, may have panicked a bit there after a horrible night.. We had a fun day yesterday and we're all feeling better about the new home so hopefully all the cues will be positive ones now. I think it might vary from child to child. His cousin moved recently and is about the same age and hasn't looked back. Thanks again.

OP posts:

LadyHamiltonsPussy · 13/10/2014 09:25

We have moved house twice with toddlers (dc were 4 and 2.5 then 5.5 and 4) and both times we had several return visits to the old home (renting so some crossover of dates). In our case it definately helped them process the move as they could see the old place was just a collection of empty rooms and home was now the new house.

However if your ds seems to have adjusted now I'd be inclined to leave him be. We have very little childcare so the dc were always an active part of the moving process!

Madmog · 13/10/2014 09:42

As an adult I found it hard to make the move. We moved into the only house we were remotely interested in, but I missed more things than I realized about our old house. I've had to go back to the old house quite a few times as some of our post hasn't been redirected and also we had fantastic neighbours who we want to keep in touch with. We moved 3.5 months ago, and although I do still pine for the hold house a little, it was only this weekend I was able to go back and see the house a little negatively.

See how things go with him today. If you do go back, explain to him that it's empty and you're going back one last time to say goodbye. If he's keeps mentioning his old place, try and come up with some positives about the new place, ie nearer the park, a friend or sweet shop, maybe he has a bigger bedroom. Are you able to redecorate his new bedroom his favourite colour, or buy say a new fun lampshade or something to make it his own.

Original poster

MissMysticFalls · 17/10/2014 10:38

Quick update - we took him back (he'd wailed that morning that he wanted to go home) and it was great - he ran around the empty rooms saying goodbye and then we went off for his favourite meal and now he's referring to our new house as home. Thanks folks.

OP posts:

PigletJohn · 17/10/2014 12:10

Well done.

I say goodbye to a house when leaving, I thought it was the usual thing to do.

LadyHamiltonsPussy · 17/10/2014 13:29

Bless him!

mipmop · 17/10/2014 13:35

We did the same, at a similar age, and again he'd seen the new place while it was being done up before we moved in- even though he'd seen his toys etc in the new house, seeing the old place empty seemed to help him understand the move.

TalkinPeace · 17/10/2014 14:28

Excellent that it went well.

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