What is more important, schools or commute?

[meadowquark]

I have been looking to move for a very long time now, mainly to upsize to 3 bedrooms, improve catchment for a secular secondary school and hopefully get more pleasant garden than we have now. I currently live in South Norwood, South London. I cannot afford to stay within the area and therefore I have been looking into suburbs around Croydon. However, anywhere I choose, my commute to work extends from my current 35 mins to 1h at least (or 1h 10 mins more likely). Plus, even if I am in the catchment of a good secondary, I would not know if it suits my children until they actually start.

What would you choose, schools or commute? It is so hard to give up the commute but I feel the schools (not only results, but peers as well) are equally important...

I hate commuting so would settle for a mediocre school if those really are the only differences. I'm sure I'm in a MN minority who would say that publicly.

Am curious what you think isn't "good".
I think 20% headline GCSE combined with terrible Ofsted isn't good.
Some folk anything less than outstanding Ofsted & 85% GCSE pass rate isn't good.

Schools are important, but if the commute means you see your kids a lot less or have less flexibility if anything goes wrong, that's not good either.

Are there any other areas you could look at? I'm looking to move at the moment myself and I'm using this a lot, you can plug in your train station and ideal commute time and see all the places that fit:

www.commutefrom.com/

Length of commute/quality of school/size of house/size of garden is a difficult trade off.

Personally I would compromise on garden any day for a shorter commute and better schools!

I would say schools. I live in Croydon suburbs. Riddlesdown is a good school.

What dreaming says - young teens and even my 16yDD need/appreciate a parent about before/after school. They still have bad days, get ill, need lifts, want tea making and a hug.

They are often far more talkative early in an evening than when settled into you tube, Mincraft or the Big Bang Theory.

Also, of course, it helps to be about to wield the pointy "do your HW stick" once in a while.

All this is also ontop of the fact that an hour plus commute is tiring and makes people grumpy. DH (drives) and the DDs (ridiculous bus route do an hours commute).

They don't moan too much, because DH only goes to the office 3 days a week and his drive is really easy rural MW and duel carriageway. DDs chatter, read and listern to stuff on their phones.

Neither a commute is anything like as stressful as London with tube delays, bus queues and loads of other people.

It's a tricky one we used to live in catchment for 'the' desired local secondary school, (in London) both my DCs went for a while but it wasn't right for them, so it's really hard to know what will work for your children when it comes to schools.

As for the commute I think it's something that gets worse as the years roll on, personally I like public transport, but I don't commute every day. My husband does and he is not keen.

I would advise to look very carefully at the area, we got swept away by a house and I now live in an area I don't really like and that's something that isn't going to change no matter how lovely the house is. Also remember it's much harder getting to know people once your children are at secondary school, for you and your children. My teens do not know any other children where we now live which is really sad.

Theselittle my budget is very limited for 3 bed in SE25 but it depends! PM me if you can.

If I stay in my area with short commute, my kids are likely to commute to their secondaries 3-5 miles away.

I am targetting either Langleys or Woodcote catchment to be precise. Langley because it is close to where I am and we do not need to change our primary. Woodcote because I know some very nice kids from this school. I love the idea of my kids walking to their school rather than taking a bus or train. But then I will be the one for 40 mins on the train plus 15+15 mins walk either side.

How long before your kids go to the schools you've chosen? I ask that because we moved to a new area purely for a particular school that DS would attend in 3 years. we'd been to open days, knew children there, had an individual tour and thought we knew 100% that it was the school for him.

Anyway, 12 months later we started to have doubts. DS developed stronger likes and dislikes for things, particularly sport. another 12 months later and some of the children we knew at the proposed school werent particularly nice as older teens, then the Head left.... anyway by the time we had to choose a senior school, it had become most definitely not the school for DS.

So we moved again and all the stress that entails as well as costs, new friends, disruption etc. So my advice is that schools change, obviously you want a good one, but dont change your whole life for a school that you think is even better. Maybe a lesser, but still good, school would mean fewer changes.

Commute, definitely.

Schools change over time but commute time eats in to that all too short time with the kids.

Commute.

School is important but no-where near as important as parents being around when you need them. It sometimes feels like breakfast time is the only time my teens talk to me.

Actually, I'm coming to a dawning realisation that school might not be as important as we think. We've all panicked into thinking that it's vital to get into a good school but often it's what goes on at home that really counts. Very many of the schools getting great results are helped a very great deal by being in areas with supportive parents, homes with few social issues and not least, parents employing tutors!

Thank you, especially Sunnyshores for sharing your experience.
My DS1 is in Y2 only BUT I need 3rd bedrom bady as we have an aupair and currently sleep in a living room ourselves. If moving, I thought why not to try and move in a better catchment area? (but longer commute).

Schools are important - not only in terms of results, but peers too, and also I would love my kids to be able to walk to school and be the part of community.

Alternatively we could make 3 bedrooms out of the current 2, but this involves structural work (moving the stairs) and would be a major upheaval, not possible with the aupair in... (unless we do it in summer holidays).

PrivateJourney that's an interesting observation. I presume you speak from experience!

3-5 miles away doesn't seem far at all, to me. Our 2nd closest schools are all 9+ miles away. Time on bus or train is part of social life, too. But maybe it's different in London.

But if you had a shorter commute, but children had to commute 3-5 miles, wouldnt they have to leave the house early anyway? If so, the idea of you being around more makes little difference if they've already left?

For me I think school is more important than the commute (especially if school is likely to be 5 miles away). Much longer day for the children, but impacts on them being able to socialise / meet up with friends / extra curricular activities if its a 5 mile journey. I agree too that whilst education has as much to do with homelife, its the intangible stuff of a school thats important - friendship groups / confidence / encouragement academically so whilst results are important, I'd focus my search on proximity to a "good" school and by good I mean a good fit for my children. Good luck!

I would have thought a property in langley park catchment area would be more expensive than one in se25. I am put off se25 by the harris academies and the general unkept high street and anti social behaviour. I live there myself with a year 2 child and want to move to a different area for secondary but the prices are so high. To summarise after all this rambling I would choose schools over commute.

notnow2 I just PM'd you. Well, there are viable options. I mean low budget options :)

Langley schools - west wickham? The houses will be much more I would have thought than south norwood..

Have you thought about Orpington or petts wood? Good schools - grammar and comprehensive. Commute is about 40 mins to London (quicker to London bridge).

Your job might change, your commute might change....

Completely agree with Private Journey. To be happy and successful (however you chose to measure that), children need so much more than an Ofsted rated 'excellent' school.

My parents didnt seem to give much thought to my schooling, I went to the local one and was fine, but schooling has caused such a headache for me and DS. Perhaps its because nowadays theres more choice, or more differences in ethos and abilities and social classes (sorry hate that word but cant think of another), maybe we're just more aware of how individual children learn in different ways. But yes, looking at a class of 30 children in a outstanding school, tells you very little about whether its going to be suitable for your child. And certainly not in 5 years time.

Hear hear. My mind has shifted a bit. Leave aside schools. I cannot predict how it is going to be in 5 years time. I viewed a house yesterday 2 miles away in Shirley which ticks all my boxes. But the commute would be more difficult. 20 mins walk to the station, 40 mins on the train, 5 mins the other side walk to work. As compared to 35 mins in total at the moment. The area is much nicer than South Norwood but it is very suburban.. and the school options are more limited, though presumably much better choices. I have make an offer within today otherwise the house will be gone before I blink.

Way to go!! The other thing I've found about senior school is that they stay in school longer, so more clubs that more of their friends go to. At Prep I was picking them up at 3.15 everyday, now 3 days a week its 4.30. Also as they get older they can walk home on there own, so that means you can be later home.

Commute. There is a slight obsession in the UK with schooling. It's not so much about the schooling but the DC ability and the home support IMHO.

DH has a 45 min door-to-door commute and we are in zone 3 London, I honestly wouldn't want it any longer for him, he is home for tea and used to do the bath every single night.

Oh I just read up the thread before posting and see Private and I agree on schooling.

I do think its important not to send your children to a terrible school but unfortunately, that's mostly for social rather than educational reasons. Which is a terribly snobbish thing to say but that doesn't make it invalid. Of course a child could fall in with a bad crowd at any school but as with everything to do with child rearing, it about reducing the risk.

If they're at a good enough school, then I think any child, happy and properly supported at home will do OK. If your child is very academic and you're hoping for better than OK, then maybe it matters more but I still think it only makes a difference if you can get them into the very best schools (top private schools). Even then it's probably more to do with who they'll meet there than the actual education. The difference between and decent and a better than average state school is minimal IMO and mostly down to the catchment/parents in most cases.

Unexpected turn here. I found a rat in my house yesterday. First time, big shock! After a panic attack over the night and feeling like I must escape, I offered on a "suburban" house this morning. 2 miles away from my current location, excellent schools, further from the station and I will need car a lot because of those 2 miles, but the house is of much newer built, concrete floor on the ground floor, and, hopefully, no rats...
P.S. Obviously set the traps and called pest control at the same time.