Living in a nicer area v's more time with Dad

[greeneone12]

Hello All

Just looking for some opinions on this really. We have the opportunity to move into a nicer, rural area into a 3 bed new build house. We currently live with my Dad in a 4 bed house with our newborn and 3 yr old.

Currently my DP leaves home at 7.45am and gets home at 6pm. If we move he will leave home at 7.30am and get home at 7pm.

He is happy to do whatever it takes to have our own home but I just wonder if we are better staying put and him get more time with the kids.

If anyone has had to make a similar decision I would be really interested to hear your thoughts. We can of course stay with my Dad but we would have to save for somewhere for years, start my little girl at a school and then move her down the line.

If we do move now then we can get a home and stay there for the forseeable - but DP will see the children much less.

Thanks!

Sorry the train would get to the station at 7pm - so he would get home about 7.15pm.

I'd stay put as long as relationships with your Dad are ok and he's happy to have you living with him.

Moving means less time with your Dad AND less time with DH. Depending on your little one's bedtimes they would see very little of their dad in the week - and moving away from your Dad means you'd have longer days with them with little support - and a DH coming home in time for bed, worn out himself.

I'd stay and keep saving.

Get your own home and get on with your own family life -- what are the schools like at the new house?

Could he shift his working hours so that he is home earlier to see the children....doubt the morning is "quality time"....I did this - left home at 6.10 at desk by 7am and left office at 4 to be home for 5 to supervise homework.....

Also for you the other parent coming in at 7.15 is a right pita I used to leave a note on the door for my husband NOT to come in as I was in the middle of wind down bath, story, bed etc with 3 toddlers and they would all get excited to see him, then over wrought and then I had to start again....

We chose a nicer location, house and community but had to compromise a bit on the commute to get it - it was mainly location and community that swung it. Schools were a big deciding factor for us too - not only were they good but we could actually get places, so I would have a think about that.

Ours are older now but when they were little dh used to leave work on time to get back for bedtime but do an hour or so's work after they were in bed. Would that be an option? Could your dh work from home one day a week? Would he drive or take the train? Dh manages to get quite a bit of work done on the train on the way into work at least which also helps massively.

Also before they started school they had a relatively late bedtime (8pm) so they got more time in the evening with dh. That was much harder when they started school though as they definitely need their sleep and for reception at least needed to be in bed at 7 really. But that doesn't last for ever - my youngest is 7 now and happily goes to bed between 7.30 and 8 on a school night (will prob be 8 from September) so they get lots more time together now.

How is it living with your dad? I would find it hard to live with a member of extended family but you sound OK with that setup?

More time with dad (and grandad!), no question. Kids will remember an absent parent, they take their homes completely for granted.

I can see that staying with your dad is great for you, probably for the kids, and yes, your husband gets to spend more time at home. But I think you need to keep really listening to what your husband's saying about this. I like my in laws, but if I had to live with them for any length of time, I'd want to be out of the house for a couple of extra hours each day!

If this were a straightforward choice of commute versus location, I'd say stay put. But I think there's something much more important at stake: your family's autonomy and personal space.

deepest the schools are good and I know two people who live on this development with their children who love it and say its a lovely community and a great place to live. My hours and flexible but his are not. He HAS to do 9am - 5.30pm with no working from home options.

shoewhore he can't work on the train or at home unfortunately. He would be getting the train so basically out of the house 12 hours Mon-Fri. I do feel nervous that dinner, homework etc would all fall on me. But if it meant a better place for the children to grow up then maybe it is worth it. Living with my Dad is actually fine. DP has said, and he promised he was being honest, that he really doesn't mind living in my Dad's house. He often stays with his girlfriend anyway. His concern is that we are both 32 and the longer we leave it to buy a house the harder it will be for us to get on the ladder as it will be harder for us to get a mortgage. He just wants the best environment for the kids to grow up in.

Saying that it would be a new build we would be buying and that comes with a whole range of other issues - I have seen so many people saying they regret buying one as they have problems.

But if we stay and save, it would 4-5 years before we could move and DD would be in school and settled and I would hate to move her.

I hate having to make these adult decisions! Could someone decide for me please?