stressed first time buyer alert

[LizzyBennet1813]

hi,
Just signed up to mumsnet today and this is my first post, so bear with....

Right, my partner and I are in the process of buying our first home together. He's bought before, I haven't.
Basically we are currently at a stage where we thought we would be living in our new home by now but we seem to have a very slow solicitor that can only deal with one thing at a time. Throughout the whole process my partner has had to chase her for updates and to query why certain things haven't been done yet. We found out last week that the people we are buying from have given a date. If by that date everything is not finalised they are selling to someone else.
I have phoned the solicitor and explained I can't have that happen and she seemed rather laid back about it. The following day I found the estate agents and asked if there was anything I could do as I felt helpless knowing that in all likelihood this sale isn't going to go through now. She basically didn't have a good word to say about our solicitor and it came to light that there has been a rather heated discussion between solicitor and estate agent and since then communications have drastically broken down. She was also questioning the dates that certain things were done and implied that they solicitor is lying about when things where done.
(is anyone still reading?)
I then phoned the solicitor to say that basically whatever the problem was it needed sorting as i don't feel its fair that we should loose out on this house that I have pictured the next 20 years of my life in. I spoke to who I believe is our solicitors boss and he neither had a good word to say about our estate agents and basically said they were being to pushy which also played a part in the breakdown in communication. He told me he would get our solicitor to call back. At this point I was past being upset and was absolutely fuming at what I'd just heard from both parties who were supposed to be professionals. I also feel totally lost and like there's no hope of this going through in time with them both behaving this way. I don't know what to do as feel its totally unfair that due to their apparent dislike of each other, we are going to loose out.
I know its not the end of the world, there'll be other houses if it falls through, I'm not being made homeless, I'm not ill etc but I'm a family orientated person and once we were settled in we planned to start a family, I have imagined our children growing up in this house, I have imagined having the whole family around at Christmas giving my mum a well deserved break from playing hostest for the past goodness knows how many years. The minute I walked in to this house it felt like home and to think all our plans will have to go on hold in it falls through is really upsetting me. Can anyone offer any advice on what I can do?
We also feel like we are living in limbo, half the house is boxed up and as we have no idea of when all will be finalised we are struggling to make certain plans .I eventually spoke to our solicitor to question this problem between her and the estate agents she was very defensive and shouted me down, making me feel like a naughty little girl. I really don't know what to do as she just has no urgancy about her and won't communicate with the estate agents. Also because I'm a first time buyer I don't have a clue what's going on, what's normal, what's not. The estate agents just don't trust the solicitor is making progress and she just thinks anyone that calls her is a pain in the arse. I don't know who's being reasonable and whose not. I feel totally lost.
Sorry for such a long first post, i feel its difficult to put the whole situation across on here but I'd really appreciate some advice if anyone had any.
I don't want to loose out on this house.
If you've managed to read all of this and stay awake I sincerely thank and congratulate you :)

Sorry I don't have any advice but hopefully someone else will be along to help soon. This will bump you up :) What date did the process first start? Maybe some other buyers will be able to tell you if yours is taking too long or if it's normal and the person you're buying from is being too impatient?

what stage are you actually at - i.e. what has your solicitor done?
I tend to micro manage and keep in touch with agent and solicitor all the time so I know exactly what is being done when.
I would say in the first instance you need to contact the partner at the firm - there should be a proper complaints process and a partner to contact and very clearly lay out what has happened. But if you don't have any joy with them then you can also threaten them with the legal ombudsman if you feel they have been really unprofessional.
Maybe also at the same time talk to the agent and find out if there is anything you can do to salvage the deal - I am sure your vendors won't want to go through the whole process again if you are far down the line.
sorry - sounds like a nightmare and not a good first time!

thanks :) the sale was agreed in feb. Some people have said its taking average time, some say its moving quickly and some people have said its slow so no idea where we are lol!

lizzy as a guide I had offer accepted mid feb. I got a surveyor right away and did my survey following week while my solicitor commenced searches. the bank then did their valuation survey. the vendor wanted to exchange within four weeks - that didn't happen because they had a really slow solicitor and it ended up taking six weeks. but you need to find out exactly what the hold up is - don't be fobbed off - they are acting on your behalf so should clarify exactly what is happening.

The solicitor is working for you & should be responsive to you requests. If she isn't, you could try getting a new solicitor. That might be slower - hard to tell. Maybe ask agent for a summary of where thugs have got to and then get 30min free consultation with new solicitor to see what they can do?

thanks cooper, to be honest as I havent bought before and our current house is in his name my partner has been dealing with it. I only got involved once I was informed they were talking of selling to someone else. I know he has been in touch with either soliciter or estate agent most days but the solicitor does need chasing a fair bit. A few weeks ago I was under the impression it was pretty much just contracts that needed sorting but the we got a letter through the post from the buyer of our house requesting various documents. The problems at the minute seems to be environment reports and the solicitor is saying once the results arrive there's not alot more to be done but its taken ages for the report to be done and results sent. The estate agents seem to think that she has lied about when she requested the report to be done.
I really am a total noob to all this and have no idea what needs doing etc. I'm hating it! thank you for your advice :)

Also, 6 weeks from offer accepted to exchange is normally the minimum if everything goes smoothly.

Our buyers had problems with their solicitors and actually changed to a new and pretty speedy solicitor quite late in the process. Maybe that's an option.

I think damage limitation sounds like your best bet - try and calm everyone done if you can (i.e. agent and the vendor) then put a rocket up the a* of your solicitor. she could have started searches late as you say - i am not expert but in my experience it always seems quite simple and organised doing the searches and some do take longer than others.

I'd expect that the delay is with the council in providing your searches. This can vary massively but your solicitors should have let you know their current timescales.

Call the solicitor and ask for a list of what still needs to happen and a time for each process. You cab then communicate this to your agents. As long as everyone is informed you're less likely to fall through.

Thanks all, I will definatley been taking some of this advice.
The solicitor did say there saw a hold up with the council being short staffed but the agents say they phoned them and said there wasn't a hold up so I don't know whose getting the right info! Partner is home all day tomorrow so is going to be emailing and making phone calls.
I did suggest changing solicitor but the general feel was that would just take even longer. I will see what tomorrow brings. Thank you very much x