Offer accepted but vendor's close relative is now dying. Would you still go ahead?

[CrapBag]

We all but have a buyer (slightly complicated but almost confirmed now), we had an offer accepted via a private sale a long time ago. Vendor has been looking for somewhere to buy for many months, has found nothing and from what I can gather, being very very picky about it (and I am not sure what they want exists in the areas they want for their budget).

In the meantime we have found somewhere else that we really like but would still like the first one and were considering holding out for it.

However (and please don't think me the most heartless cow in the world, I really am not) the vendor has a close family member that is very ill, it is terminal and no one can say how long. I know she is up the hospital a lot and in the near(ish?) future there will be a funeral and grieving process to go through. In my mind, house hunting is surely going to be the last thing on her mind?

I had previously said that if something didn't happen soon then we are going to look elsewhere (didn't say we already are), I don't want to lose our buyer (first time buyer so no chain there) and we do need to move and I was hoping around the summer holidays time as we need more space.

Would you hold out or not? Her house criteria will change. Part of the criteria required wheelchair access and a downstairs room to be used as a bedroom, this will not be the case but I am still not convinced the house they want for the budget exists in their chosen areas.

Yes I know I have had similar threads in the past but the situation has changed slightly again.

Part of me thinks cut our losses, another part feels horribly guilty but who knows how long it will be.

I think if you want to move in the summer holidays you need to look elsewhere.

We had a buyer for our property since dec, they dropped out last month due to an illness in the family, we were left hanging for several months not knowing what was going on as obviously its not the most important thing to them at that time.

Our estate agents handled it badly and lied to us and encouraged us to move forward so we paid for searches etc before we realised the true extent of the situation. Luckily we havent lost out on the place we are buying so not lost much money but could have been a lot worse.

In your shoes I would say due to your time constraints and chain you will have to look elsewhere as don't want to intrude on their grief by hurrying them into something. It also wouldnt suprise me if their priorities change completly and they decide not to move at all. They will do whats best for them and you need to do what is best for you and your family.

If you like the price your buyer has offered and are not in a crazy part of the UK (ie will waiting six months vastly increase your sale price) then it sounds like it's time to ditch the vendor and go for the other house. If she really wanted to move she would have either found somewhere or gone into rented in order to sell. There will probably be a procession of whole new excuses, so unless that house is the only one for you, give her a weeks notice (or just pull out). You will not cost her anything to do so and she may even be relieved....

(Of course, saying you'll pull out in xx days is stressful for her and you, but this will give her the opportunity to make a firm decision: if she really does want to sell she will sell anyway. It sounds like she isn't committed to selling at this time.)

Ok, so I had this happen to me. Put my house on the market in the September, had an offer by October and put in an offer on the house of our dreams early November (I am going back a few years)

My lovely Mum was then diagnosed with terminal cancer at the end of the November. So I was back and forth to the hospital etc. Because of Christmas and New year our sale got pushed back a bit and yes it was stressful but moving is stressful full stop.

She died early February, we had her funeral on the Tuesday and we exchanged contracts on the Wednesday and moved out the Friday.

To be honest, having to pack etc made it easier because I had something positive to focus on. I'm not saying everyone will see it that way but I had and still have an amazingly supportive husband who held me together through the move and my Mum dying.

This happened to someone I know - the buyers husband was dying of terminal cancer and they went into the process knowing this, with my friend's house being the one the wife would move into to downsize. Except it was all too much, and after much putting off, the buyer pulled out. So no, I wouldn't wait around just because it's even less guaranteed than a sale normally is, and if you have a deadline, you've got to be as sure as you can that nothing will hold it up. Harsh though.

I would look elsewhere

I should add, that we were desperate to move from our old house and nothing would have stopped us leaving. So maybe that is why we were hell bent on moving despite the hell of my Mum dying.

That is for replies.

Well yesterday we found out the other house we like has sold, our buyer hasn't been 100% confirmed so we can't up offer on the other house.

The vendor with dying relative actually contacted me last night to say that it is any day and at this time she is spending all her time at the hospice but she does still plan to sell to us.

She is desperate to move, its not a case of she doesn't really want to, or losing her relative will change her mind. She can't wait to leave. House and garden are too much for her to manage now so I do believe her on this.

I didn't want to say last night that we are having serious reservations and as we've lost the other house there is no point. I will wait for now but once she is past where she is now (with dying relative) I will give a deadline. Her criteria will be different as she needed level access which is hard to come by where we are and a separate dining room, which is also hard to find now with most places being open plan, so hoping that her search will prove easier. In the meantime I am still going to keep an eye out online.

I think that since the seller is an acquaintance and you can speak directly you should do that, just be honest and straightforward about your wishes, maybe something along the lines of you understanding she has other priorities just now and will wait until (next month?) to discuss the sale or can wait until (whenever) to actually be in the house. At least you don't have Chinese whiskers and uncertainty of all messages going through estate agents and solicitors.

Whispers!

I did say last night that I understand where her priorities are at the moment and I wouldn't have expected anything less.

I'll give it some time (whilst informing our buyer through the solicitors what is happening and that we will put a time limit on it or go elsewhere), and when I speak to her, stress that whilst we want it, we had anticipated being somewhere else by now so if she hasn't found somewhere by ? then we have no choice but to look for somewhere else.

She is relying on us buying her house, I know that, but our original timescales were March time so its already pushed back.

Luckily there is sod all around that fits our criteria so I'm not missing out on a house (apart from the one that's just gone, pretty gutted about that one).

A definite bonus that we can speak direct and not deal with estate agents and solicitors yet.