Feeling like made a mistake!

[anotherbitofcake]

Recently moved out of London (crouch end) to small town Kent/Surrey border. For a 3 wk old baby. I'm really tearful about my old life and I'm not sure if its partly due to massive change on becoming a mum or that I'm just missing London life and buzz. On the plus we have a house and garden, it's a family friendly area and there is lovely countryside nearby. I'm a real outdoor person anyway. I love running so I hope I can get back into this at some point and meet some other like minded people. I just can't get my old life out of my head. I really miss stupid things like boho cafes, shops open on Sunday, independent shops, a bit of life, loads of green parks and stuff to do. We've moved to a nice bit slightly dull place. A bit surburbia. I'm panicking we've made a big mistake but then I think I need to give it time and my priorities have changed so maybe crouch end not so great anymore. We had a budget of 450k which would have got a 2 bed flat no garden in CE. Really I'm just looking for a hug and reassurance we've done the right thing! I've got a few friends around here and I know it will take time to feel like home. It just all feels a bit depressing at the mo

You have a 3 week old baby, this is not surprising. I was overwhelmed, teary & lonely at that point & I'd not moved.
Try to take each day as it comes.
Plan to do a thing a day, even if you don't end up doing it. Try to get out and do something.
Join mother & baby groups even if they aren't your kind of thing, you may find a kindred soul, if not you will at least meet people.
Whilst your LO is tiny & can't yet move (run around) go out to lunch, if DH can come too all the better.
I bought a sling (close baby carrier) and it meant I got out more & did more things round the house.( all those things I couldn't sort before as I was at work 24/7)

It will get better, you will find nice places they just might not be that obvious until you go out & explore. Maternity Leave completely changed my perspective of where we lived as suddenly I walked down roads I didn't know existed (trying to get the baby to sleep in the pram) and people I didn't know before recommended places to go. Places were open in the week that weren't on weekends.
We've recently moved (6mths ago) from a cosmopolitan trendy part of a city to a rural village and it is different but it's surprising whats out there once you explore. It may just take a bit of time.

I know so many people moved out or moving out of London with baby/small kids - can almost guarantee you'll meet someone in your area in same position who you can reminisce about London with! (We're just planning our move out at the moment and I am feeling nostalgic already ;-) )

Don't worry yourself about whether this is a mistake or not - you have moved, you probably had good reasons to, you can always move back if you want to, and for now you just need to take care of yourself and try to find the things you need to keep you sane - a good coffee/tea stop, a beautiful place, somewhere to chat with other mums, etc.

It'll get easier as it gets warmer too and there's more to do outside. Hang on in there, and good luck! x

anotherbitofcake - a big hug from me.

Last week was a year from us moving from Muswell Hill to a small village in Bedfordshire. I'm afraid I still really miss it and can't say I am settled, but I am at a different life stage than you.

But for you there are lots of really good things, you have moved to a small town (good idea) and you have a small baby, so there will be lots of ways for you to make friends.

Years ago we moved from Dalston to Muswell Hill with a 1 yr old and 3 yr old, I knew nobody and missed my NCT friends, but within 6 months I had started to get to know lots of people and then DC1 started school and everything changed.

School is a massive opener for making friends and finding a good social life, so you have all that to look forward to. In the meantime find out where the baby and toddler groups are and arrange to go to at least 2 things a week, getting out really is the key to keeping happy. Singing things are good as most people are quite happy when they are singing.

You will now hopefully miss all that dreadful worry about schools that is the norm for most North Londoners, I mean would you have been able to buy somewhere with a primary on your doorstep you were happy with? The pressure is immense and so many people get really stressed out about it, I spent years talking about it and in MH we were in catchment for desirable schools but it was such a hot topic it really took over some peoples lives, all very unhealthy.

I must say I thought I was really done with London, but I do miss the little things like you, (god I so miss the vietnamese restaurant in Crouch End) but I go back all the time, it's only an hour in the car from my front door to my friends in MH and all of my girlfriends are happy for me to stay overnight, (but it is a bit weird having my social life so far away).

Our mistake was moving to a small village with only a shop, pub and fish and chip shop (also the pub is not nice) it has just been too much of a life change for us as we had been in London for 25 years, also we have teenagers and I feel really bad of the eldest who is 16 as there really is nothing for him here (yes I can hear you all saying what was she thinking when she moved!). Overall it makes me feel a bit old and dead inside (sorry don't mean to be dramatic).

We had very solid reasons for the move I'm sure at the time everyone does, but it has made us think more about what we (my husband and I) want from a place, so in the long run I know we will have learned a lot from this move, I only hope that in a few years time I'm not still wanting to move back to London as we will not be able to afford to do it.

Thank you. Am feeling all teary again reading yr lovely posts. I'm sure half is because I'm all over the place with a newborn as well. I feel quite trapped and lonely and isolated as I don't know where anything is yet. I know I can get the train back to London so can enjoy it for the day albeit a different one with baby! I just wonder if we moved too soon and should have stayed for a few more years but like said primary schools create a problem and sure we would be crawling walls in a small flat and I would find it hard to get around london with a baby (though trying not to think about parkland walk, ally pally, woods, waterlow park, hampstead Heath ) I really must try and not dwell on past but think of positives of here. I'm prob not giving where we are a chance yet. Plus weather is shite! I guess we could always go back (though dh would have thoughts about that!! ie I don't think it would happen!)

Obviously you've had a couple of big changes in a short space of time. Don't forget even if you were still living in London, things would be different with a baby, you might not be off shopping or meeting in cafes with friends at the moment. Find out about any mother and baby groups or activity groups with babies locally. It takes a while to get to know other Mums, but is well worth persuing. Even though I knew a lot of people locally when I had my dd, I still found I had a lot of time on my own and I did meet some really nice people who I could talk about baby issues with. I'm still really good friends with three of them and we have weekends away, shopping trips, coffee mornings. Look on local noticeboards and ask your midwife who should be able to point you in the right direction. It's worth contacting NCT and they can put you in touch with a local group, or you could be registered as willing to set up your own group when there are 2/3 others who want to join. Find about about local shopping areas to explore, perhaps treating yourself to a little something and things to buy for baby. Find out about local parks, most towns have a large one which is lovely to walk around and in the summer you will be able to hold little one on some of the play equipment.