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Original poster

TERRIFIED of move to Devon next week - advice please!

72 replies

ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 10:07

Hello, we're due to exchange contracts today on our 'dream' move from northern England to east Devon - and I'm terrified we're making a huge mistake. We have 4 children, our son is 10, then three girls of 7, 4 and 1.5.
Currently live in a 4-bed victorian semi. Schools, local shops, cafes, library, etc in walking distance. Primary and secondary both Oftsed Grade 1. We like it here. Local town not the best, but immediate locality is lovely. We're not moving coz we don't like, it was more a long term plan about where to bring the kids up and where we want to be in 10 or 20 years time (this is our last chance to move before eldest starts secondary - wouldn't want to do it after that.)
We're supposed to be moving to a lovely 4-bed semi-detached farmhouse in East Devon, complete with small paddock. It's in gorgeous countryside, 20 mins from coast, but I'm terrified it's too much of a leap for us (and particularly the kids).
Local primary is excellent as is the village, but not really in walking distance (1.3 miles) and no shops in village. Nearest shop is 10 mins in car, nearest supermarket more like 20 mins, as are secondary schools.
I'm terrified the children will be miserable and resent us for tearing them away for their comfortable familiar life, and I'm terrified that I will be isolated on a new house that doesn't feel like home, in an area that I'm not familiar with.
Hubby works from home, so I will have company, but will we go mad at home with our youngest, with a lovely house in a lovely spot but having to drive everywhere, or is it just last minute nerves and we should knuckle down and get on with it?
Help before my head explodes!

OP posts:
janeyjampot · 11/10/2013 10:47

I think your new house sounds lovely. If it's a semi-detached, presumably there are people in the other side? Do they have any children? You've got a good range of ages - if there were any children next door you'd hope they'd have one to match!

I would think that once they go to their new school they'll make friends, and with the coast so near there will be plenty to do, especially in the summer. I know it seems massive but it does sound lovely. Don't panic!

janeyjampot · 11/10/2013 10:49

I should also have said that having children in primary school and younger makes it much easier to meet people than when they're older. Mine are at secondary now and we never see any other parents. I think you'll be fine.

jeee · 11/10/2013 10:54

I'm jealous.

But I'm sure I'd be just as terrified as you are when the reality of the move hit me.

You'll be much better than fine.

Enjoy your new life.

LunaticFringe · 11/10/2013 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 10:59

Thanks for your messages. Maybe I just need to toughen up. I should also just mention that my description of the new house makes it sound grander than it actually is. The estate agent calls it a 'small paddock', but my dad would probably call it 'a bit of scrub land'. It's basically just an extra bit of garden, not Downton Abbey. ;-)

OP posts:
specialsubject · 11/10/2013 11:00

no doubt you thought all this through during the long process of buying and selling. It seemed fine then so it will be fine now.

BTW 1.3 miles is 25 mins walk for anyone able-bodied of primary age. Perfectly doable.

good luck in your new house.

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 11:03

Everything in our current house seems so easy, because it's so familiar. I suppose, whereas everything about the new place sounds so daunting. Throw in 4 children who don't even like it when I change my hairstyle, and it's a recipe for a huge slice of cold feet pie!

OP posts:
MillyONaire · 11/10/2013 11:03

I think in general we regret the things we don't do rather than those we tried and failed at....does that help???? We expanded our business very bravely just before the crash and have ended up in quite a lot of debt but while I think it's a shame it didn't work the way we hoped and extricating ourselves from the expansion was very stressful I am definitely glad we tried it rather than sat there thinking what if what if until it was too late to try.
Think of it as adding to the tapestry of your life - and making the whole more interesting. Volunteering for school and community stuff help with making friends in a new area. Good luck!

Earthymama · 11/10/2013 11:06

My grandchildren and the children I look after walk that everyday after school, it really is nothing. You can drive on really rainy days.

You will get to know your new neighbourhood/village so well.
DP and I regularly visit a market town; as we walk everywhere we know it so well, far better than friends who drive around.

Good luck, these wobbles are perfectly normal. You are scared of the unknown and your mind is coming up with ways to keep you happy.

It will be wonderful, I am very jealous WinkSmile

BucketArse · 11/10/2013 11:12

I'm in East Devon. The vast majority of people are incomers, and they're all desperate to make friends, so you'll be pushing at an open door there.

You'll be fine. But please don't 'drive everywhere'. Get a bike!

RussiansOnTheSpree · 11/10/2013 11:18

Have you got schools sorted? Is your 10 year old in Y5 or Y6?

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 12:22

Yes have got schools sorted. All in local village school, which is excellent. DS is in year 6 - so last year before secondary. We have to apply for his place by end of October. Catchment school is grade 2 but there is a grade 1 out of catchment where apparently many from his school normally get places.

OP posts:
Damnautocorrect · 11/10/2013 13:13

Massively jealous, it sounds wonderful. Of course your worried, but it sounds beautiful.

MrsTaraPlumbing · 11/10/2013 13:21

My sister did very similar a few years ago - to Lympstone - I guess that will be near you.
Got all sort of animal on her mini-farm now. She has enjoyed it but yes big culture shock.
You have got to throw yourself in to the new life.
All those children may help you!
Check out Dartsfarm shop.

CalculatorCalender · 11/10/2013 13:26

Devon is lovely, friendly and the quality of life is great. There is so much going on and with children at school you will soon meet people and make friends. Good luck.

castlesintheair · 11/10/2013 13:26

Don't worry. We moved from our wonderful city life in UK to very rural France earlier this year. It is so different to what we are used to but the DCs are really happy, so is DH and therefore by default so am I. Fwiw, I would absolutely love to be moving to where you are going. Sound's lovely. And not French Wink

bigTillyMint · 11/10/2013 13:40

The house sounds gorgeous, and you will really value the space as they get to teens. DS would kill to have loads of outside space.

Agree with the poster saying 1.3miles is walkable.

With four children you are bound to meet loads of other parents.

Just remember it may take you all a little time to settle into your new lifestyleSmile

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 14:10

Thanks so much for all your positive advice. It's really helped me regain some perspective, after getting quite a bit of negativity from a lot of the other mums where we live. That kind of negative-disguised-as-a-positive comment like 'ooh, you're brave, but it'll be soooo hard for the children. I could never do that my little Demi-Leigh Twinky-boo' type thing. Some of the comments we've had in the past, you'd think we were sending them off to live down a coalmine.

OP posts:
Daisybell1 · 11/10/2013 14:23

Please can you tell the other mums in your area that some of us in the sticks manage to drag our children up, using the gorgeous area as a bonus rather than a limitation Wink

I'm at the other end of the country to you but we're very rural and it's fabulous. Playgroups are great, village schools can do forest school more easily and the local pub does the school dinners.

I realise that it will be a bit of a shock to the system but it will be an amazing opportunity Smile

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 14:32

Now I want to come and live near you Daisybell1! Sounds lovely! Does that mean the children go to the pub for dinner? Wine Wink Interesting mental image...

OP posts:
Daisybell1 · 11/10/2013 14:54

Yes, some days they do! And that school is rated "requires improvement" by Ofsted - sometimes Ofsted isn't everything.

It is lovely, its very very green, like Devon will be. And Devon will be warmer! I grew up in Dorset as well, and its a really lovely part of the country.

Oh and you need home delivery from the supermarket - my nearest is about 35mins away - its far cheaper to get a delivery done.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 11/10/2013 15:01

Devon is not always warm. It's fecking freezing right now, for example.

Scaredy when you say east devon, do you mean the East Devon parliamentary constituency or the Tiverton/Honiton one? I think that's a wide enough geographical area to not out yourself! My kids go to schools in both those constituencies, although we don't live in either.

MistyB · 11/10/2013 15:02

Write a list of all the things you are moving for, pin it to the fridge and do some of those things as often as you can. Take a flask of tea and go play on the beach with your youngest after you drop the others to school. Have lunch at the beach with the whole family at the weekend. Make your own list!

Original poster
ScaredyCat71 · 11/10/2013 16:10

We'll be in the Tiverton/Honiton one I think Russians.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 11/10/2013 16:13

I hope it all works out for you but I have to say I'm surprised you are making such a drastic move when you have so many doubts.

I expect I'll get told off for bullying in a moment.

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