I feel like the excitement has gone out of my marriage, except it's a house, not a bloke.

[Rooners]

We've been here just over 5 years.

We rent privately. It's a gorgeous place in a gorgeous road and I should love it.

I can't work out what is wrong and keep coming back to the relationship comparison - I took it on thinking it had great potential, which it did, and I've done so much to it and it is a wonderful place to be.

But I feel so sick of it, and I am seriously wanting out.

I think these are the main reasons:

1. It's become very crowded. True I have too much stuff and find it hard to get rid of, practically I mean, not emotionally so much. But still - there is no storage anywhere, there's a huge cellar but it's so damp that anything I put there gets overcome with mould or rust very quickly and ends up being thrown away. So the cellar stairs are filled with stuff which is hazardous, and I keep empty boxes down there for selling things in, and it's a mess.

No shed, no attic. Tools etc are down there too, going rusty.

1. The road outside means it's quite a distant neighbourhood, no one really shares any space - I'd like the kids to be able to go further afield. But we do have an amazing huge garden, which I ought to be grateful for but am finding it hard work.

1. I was pg last year and really suffered so I couldn't keep on top of it all, and it got into a state and now it is way way better, but still, I feel helpless - Every day and night I think about how to clear up and move things around, and it never ever makes any difference. My mum constantly tells me how awful it is too. I am embarrassed to have anyone round at all.

1. Extra baby means we are very crowded. It has two bedrooms, ds1 is 10 and in his own small room (about 7x11ft so not tiny but only room for his bed and a cupboard he can't open properly.)

Ds2 (6yo) has a mid sleeper in my room. Ds3 is in my bed with me.

1. I have worked so hard on it and I feel like there's nothing else I can do to make it better. Also my Granny died in May and I have been left with tons and tons of boxes of her things, which I don't know what to do with - they mean too much to throw away or give away, but I have nowhere to put them.

I am so, so tired. All I can think about is moving somewhere with more space. But realistically it's not very likely we'd find anywhere better.

I don't know what to do.

I don't have any original thoughts on clutter; I have far too much stuff myself. It seems as though your gorgeous house is just too small for you. Two bedrooms and three children... that isn't going to work for long.

As regards the damp cellar, can you not buy a portable dehumidifier? It's even possible your landlord would help with the purchase price. I don't know about UK prices, but our portable dehumidifier was only $150, about £100.

It just isnt the right place for you all anymore is it? It may have been right 5 years ago, but not now. I would have a look around and see what is currently out there.

Hello John. Thankyou so much for answering.

The landlord actually came round the other week and talked the talk about converting the cellar, so we would have an extra room down there. Which would be amazing but it would cost a fortune and potentially we'd have people doing massive work on the house for weeks - and have to clear out the cellar first! I can't imagine how it would work. Also, the large room in the cellar is under the toilet and you can hear very clearly what is happening above iykwim

It might be a possibility - and if it worked, and we had a dry cellar then it would mean enough space to stay. But still I feel like, I don't know - like it is time to move on?

I've been looking at other houses to rent but so many agents won't take me, being a single parent and having some of the rent paid by LHA. It's rejection after rejection and I feel stupid and depressed by it all. I wish we could buy somewhere I suppose.

THANKyou for saying it is too small. I thought I was being greedy - it's such a nice home - but there's just no where to keep clothes, or toys or anything.

Hello Favorite as well. Yes that is how I feel about it. I have nightmares about other people moving into 'our' home, but at the same time it does feel like time to go.

I have put in a new kitchen and bathroom, done so many repairs, new back door, new floors and carpets. I suppose I invested in it as I thought we'd be here long term, and we have loved it but the baby was a bit of a 'mishap' and it does feel so crowded.

I totally agree that you've outgrown it. I would find it really emotionally draining to share my room with the kids long-term... As an adult you need some grown-up space and time. And it might be bearable now, but can you imagine when the boys are 15, 11 and 8?

You sound like you doubt your landlord's interest in the conversion, and it would be a big upheaval while it was going on anyway... I think you need to at least look at what else is on offer. There's no harm at all in that!

Thankyou Brown. I think I am scared of moving in that it is so stressful - we went through a lot, when we came here and it is cheap but only because it was in a state.

I'm afraid I'll only find something bigger in a complete state, and have to begin again which I do enjoy but the children would be neglected while I did it.

Also the idea of moving to somewhere else rented is hard - we have inspections all the time, four a year, and I feel like I have no dignity, I can't paint the walls how I want to, etc etc. But still there's more freedom here than a lot of places.

I wish I could learn to fall in love with this place all over again. I worry I'd be the same with a husband tbh! There must be a way to work through it.

Moving would be a huge project, in itself and I am coping badly with the children as it is. I have a baby that won't be put down in the day and very little gets done.

You did right I think housewise, as in location location location. But now it is just too small for you. imo, and I am no expert in this, storage space is an absolute must with young children. You could wander into Good Housekeeping. They will give you lots of helpfuls tips on there, but it sounds like the house is a bigger issue than storage tips.

I dont know how many inspections is normal in a year. 4 seems a lot but maybe that is the average?

I don't know. I mean they are lovely, a young girl comes round with a clipboard and wanders round being polite and we talk about our babies and then she goes back to the office and goes OH MY GOD about the state of the house apparently (just it's messy and interesting and we are always building or painting!) The lettings manager told me this.

But when I did the bathroom they talked about putting me on their books as a tiler, and got the manager round etc to have a look as they liked it. They have said they want us to stay. But I feel so patronised, so distrusted, so undignified being treated this way.

The landlord is great, usually, and says 'do what you like' but the agents will only permit certain things so it is a weird one.
I think being 40 now I feel old enough to be settled, but am never settled, never in a place that feels like ours, and while we rent I never will be.

It's like having a very exciting boyfriend who I know will never, ever marry me (I know - I asked LL if he might sell and he said no)

Thankyou btw. Am trying absolute best with storage and so on but there's simply too much stuff. Have spoken to him about putting in a huge shed but again, not sure if this will happen - or even if I really want to stay anyway.

You know when the passion goes out of something? It's like that.

Would the ll consider adding a conservatory for you? I imagine it will be easier than converting a damp selling and give you some more living space.

A couple of weeks ago I was really fed up with my home. I decided to put it on the market which meant a huge de-clutter and clean. After looking at other houses mine feels more like my home again.

As the small bedroom is 7ft x 11ft it will probably get a double bed in. Could you take the small bedroom and let all the children share the big bedroom?

Storage is a real faff when you have kids as there is never enough room. Could you rent a small storage unit and put the stuff that you don't need daily in there?
Maximise every bit of space for storage - on top of wardrobes, under beds, storage coffee tables, boxes under cabin beds.

I think it would be a shame to move if you can find a way to manage because good landlords are hard to find. But if you really need more space then the only option might be to move.

I was thinking that about the room swap too, norude. Still not ideal, with the lack of storage space, but might put the privacy where it's most needed.

I agree that 4 inspections a year seems a lot... Quite invasive really. And by the sounds of things you're a great tenant from the maintenance point of view.

Try not to give yourself a hard time, rooners... Babies are hard, 3 kids is hard, and you're doing it on your own in a confined space. You deserve a medal! And don't take the messiness to heart... Some of us without half your excuse live in a bird's nest!

I still think you should be considering your options, but don't feel under pressure to make hasty decisions, especially when the littlest is wearing you out so much. It will get better, just give yourself a break!

Thanks guys, you're great.

Maybe it is the baby thing, it is bloody hard doing everything and I am struggling under that weight tbh. It might be skewing things a bit.

Like nothing I do is ever really any good atm. It should improve I'm sure.

We already have a conservatory, which I am using to capacity but it has a leaky roof so stuff gets rather damp there too - we are lucky to have the space we've got, honestly. I have looked at 3 bed houses and found they are no better for storage and maybe even have less in some cases.

I had my bed in the small room for a year or two - it was lovely actually, but once it was in there, there was room for one chest of drawers and no hanging space or storage at all, so all the hanging up clothes and bedding, spare duvet, etc all had to go in the big bedroom still, with two beds for the boys and all their toys and it wasn't a lot better - and now ds1 is 10, he gets very cross with ds2 and kind of needs his privacy and space a bit more than I do, I think, so he finally has his own room and it's great for him.

So I am happy about that but ds2 and 3 are definitely going to need their own space too at some point, as I can't get into my room for toys on the floor!
I am thinking of sleeping in the living room but that might not be very good.
It's a strange one because wanting to save money means keeping clothes between children, storing stuff to use again and so on, but wanting to save space means chucking it all out!

You're right that good landlords are hard to get so I have to think long and hard about this.
Thankyou for all the suggestions, there will be a way to put them into practise if I get my head out from under the bed.!

Have you had a look at the minimalist threads? Think they're usually in Good housekeeping. If you stay, you'll need to declutter and if you move, you'll have to do a lot of throwing away - so why not make that your first task and see how that goes? Either you'll find you can cope there for a bit longer or it'll leave you feeling more equal to a move.

Believe me I've been there with the boxes of crap everywhere and not knowing where to start. A friend/relative (NOT your mother by the sound of it) who can be sympathetic but doesn't have your fuzzy attachments to Stuff is really helpful. We would never have got out of our last house at all if it hadn't been for PiLs throwing stuff away while we shut our eyes and rocked in the corner.

The bottom line is that you have three kids in a small two bed house with no storage and a load of stuff. Some things just aren't solveable, IYSWIM. You can't make it bigger, you need the stuff, you have the children.

So - what else is available near you to rent? That is the plus side of renting - a notice period and you're away.

What about getting some plastic clip loc boxes to out stuff in for storing in the conservatory - the boxes will keep the stuff dry and can be stacked on top of one another. Put some silica gel sachets in the boxes to help with keeping stuff dry.

I love the boxes idea. That's amazing - I've been using cardboard ones so far!

I see the point about having to declutter anyway. I've been trying to do it gradually - putting things on ebay as the baby grows out of them etc, things are being bought but not as quickly as I'd like!

I will keep trying. Either way it has to be done.
Thinking about trying to rent a garage nearby, they are few and far between but will keep looking.

I felt like I was getting on top of it post-baby but then my Granny dying has thrown me back into clutter hell all over again. My family hates stuff, my Mum has a phobia of it so it all ended up here basically. I am attached to a lot of it, but haven't got time to process it all at the moment.
Anyway these are some great ideas, I feel a bit better now, it's really good to have some encouragement and hear people saying positive things instead of how I'm failing, iyswim.

Thanks

Hassled - yes, I guess that's one good thing about renting! Most places are either hugely expensive round here or they're tiny, which is partly why this house (it's a flat actually) was such a good thing to happen.

Maybe something will turn up that is right for us, with more space AND in need of some cosmetic work AND with a lovely liberal landlord - who wants to sell it cheap one day and doesn't employ fussy agents

goes to do lottery