Anyone swapped city/ suburbia for seaside/ country life?

[lizardqueenie]

I posted this in chat a while back but didn't get many replies & thought I'd try my luck here.

We currently live on se London/ Kent border. Have pretty much loved round here all of our lives & moved further into the city & then back out to the burbs. Wondering how people got on exchanging this for country or seaside (which can be city and busy) life? My dh's has some serious health problems at the moment, we have always wanted to live by the sea so keep thinking life IS short maybe we should. But what things do we need to consider/ weigh up? We have one toddler aged dd

Hi Lizardqueenie we moved form a nice part of North London to a village about an hour out of London, 5 months ago.

So far its been very up and down, to start with I thought I'd made a big mistake but now I'm getting used to it.

Things I've learnt so far...
Driving - you need to drive everywhere, its expensive but the roads are quiet after London. If you live in a village there may not be any/many buses so your children will not get far on their own and you will be a taxi service.

People may not be quite as open-minded as you are used to, there may not be the same level of understanding/tolerance to difference/colour/ethnic origin as you are used to, I realise this sounds like a sweeping generalisation and I'm not trying to provoke anything, but I was so used to thinking live and let live, that I have been quite shocked at how openly some people express their views about things like immigration, but that may also be because where I previously lived was very PC.

The shops are so much quieter it makes shopping a joy again, the pubs are quieter and its just more relaxed.

Generally people are very friendly and if you show willingness to get involved in things you will make new friends.

As your child is so young you have the advantage of still having the primary school years and that means that you will make new friends easily at school.

I had been in London a long time so this was a big move, I realise their is lots going on outside of London, sounds obvious I know but when you are living in London its easy to dismiss the rest of the country as you don't often leave.

The countryside is lovely, constantly changing and full of life, I love my dog walks although we don't see many other dogs which is very different from London.

We also want to live by the sea in the long run, now I have made the move from London I feel free to go anywhere, so once my DCs finish school I think we will move again, hopefully to the sea.

I really, really miss my friends, but with effort on my part and theirs, I still see them as much as I can, I now have lovely sleepovers in London and I really look forward to going to London now.

It's not been an easy move for me but in the long run I think it will prove to be a good one.

Anyway, I hope its given you some food for thought, good luck with you decision.

We moved from London to rural Scotland a few years ago, and I've always been honest to people who ask that I wouldn't do it again! It took me years to properly settle, and I still ache for London sometimes - maybe that's an emotion unique to being a Londoner and having loved London, but I think I also yearn for the ease and diversity of the life I left behind. It's beautiful here and I've learned to love life in a small village, but even though I was prepared for a culture shock when we moved here I had no idea how unprepared I really was.

I think many people get caught up in romantic ideals when the reality is that unless you're also actively changing your entire lifestyle with the move (ie; are going to give up the 9 - 5 office job and run your own business/set up your own smallholding/not work and live off savings) there's still an enormous element of 'same shit, different scenery' about leaving the city for the country. Have you clarified to yourselves exactly what you aim to change about your lifestyle if you move? Presumably you don't just want the same lives you currently have but with a different view from the window; would you like a lower cost of living, a shorter commute to work, to work fewer hours, less traffic, to be a SAHP, to spend more family time together? What are your goals? Identify what you want for your life and then plan the move around that. DP and I talked a lot before we moved and in the early months about how fantastic it was going to be to be living a different lifestyle, all that outdoor space, fresh air, we'd appreciate the countryside so much, we'd have ducks and chickens and a goat and get out and about to explore every weekend. In reality, our day-to-day lives are much the same as they ever were in London because we still both work full-time in the same sectors we always did with the same responsibilities. We aim to change this hopefully in the near future, but most people can't overhaul their entire lifestyle and commitments overnight.

I think you also have to consider how your DD's life will change as she gets older and how prepared you are to be a taxi service for her adolescent social life if the place you end up living is poorly connected for public transport. This would possibly be less the case in a seaside town where her school and friends were all relatively local than a country village.

I think the success of a big move ultimately depends on how clear you are in your minds about what you want the move to be about and also the location you choose. Our move wasn't 'planned' as such: we were on holiday in Scotland and saw a disused church for sale, decided spur-of-the-moment that we wanted to do our own Grand Design, and the rest is history. So we didn't actually go looking for solutions to our discontent with London, and we didn't choose the village our church happened to be in (it's a nice enough village but with no shops or pub and the nearest of either is 7 miles away!) I think our move worked out well when you consider how we did it, but if we were looking to move again I think I'd follow my head above my heart a bit more.

I would absolutely agree with the previous posters - and I'd be fascinated to know where Comtesse is, having also eyed up a disused church in Scotland a few years' ago...

In terms of your DD, I would agree that the local village school is a great way to make friends and become part of the community but don't assume anything; many village schools have closed over the past few years and the ones that are left can be heavily oversubscribed, particularly if you are looking within a couple of hours of London. They will also almost certainly be church schools and some will be infants only, so you need to be comfortable with that. Once you get to junior/secondary, you may find that you are out of catchment for any of the nearest state schools and it becomes a complete lottery. I'm sure this isn't the case everywhere, and I'm speaking from personal experience, but it is worth doing your homework.

Hello everyone- sorry for the delay and thanks so so much for these really well thought out replies; its great to have all of your experience with these things.

itscold you have thought of some things that i never considered really- driving everywhere and how mixed and diverse an area might be. We are a multicultural family, I had a few problems with racism at school and I would rather that my DD go to a diverse school so that is a very big consideration whih will require a lot of homework!

Comtesse thats really very honest of you and i appreciate that. You have really posed some interesting questions too about tying down exactly what we would want from a move. Dh's job is one which is increasingly located outside of London but still within shot of the M25 so he may have to commute the other way, although there are also jobs for his industry located in northern parts of the country too.

Rockdoctor thank you for your input too- food for thought about the school situation. Where we are now it is a bit of a fight to get into the school that you want as they often come down to 0.1 of catchment but there is another good school just a bit further so i suppose thats something else we would have to balance up as well.

I do like the thought of our DD (and any subsequent DC's fingers crossed) having an outdoorsy sort of life and for our lives to change in that way too. It would be nice to drive without tons and tons of traffic or worry about as much crime. As much as i would like to live somewhere a bit more intimate so to speak, i do then worry at the same time about it being claustrophobic is that possible?!

I moved from the surrey commuter belt to west sussex and live by the sea.

Best thing i have ever done. Good transport links along the coast via train or bus. Good schools, plenty of outdoor pursuits local swimming pool and council run leisure centre. Always something going on from giant car boot sale on a sunday morning to an open day at the local country centre so something for everyone.
We have decent shops from a waitrose to a small indian supermarket. The polish deli to a greggs bakers.
Yes it is a very white area but my sons have friends from many different ethic groups and everyone gets on fine.

We moved from a commuter town in Hertfordshire to east Devon. I can honestly say that I've never looked back. People and in particular children seem happier here. The advice given to you by the other posters is definaty relevant though. Certainly the lack of racial diversity can get to me... But I would say bullying isn't an issue ... I believe it would be move of a problem in some if the towns and cities around here. You would definitely experience cultur shock but it wouldn't take very long to find community. It's definitely less materialistic and much more 'the good life' ... Get your tomato growing skills ready!

I live in a charming, ancient market town set among rolling countryside.

I dislike living here. It'd be okay for a long weekend in summer, but that's it. I sometimes feel like crying when I see London on the telly. I should have resisted leaving, and will never be able to afford to go back.

Send me some of your noise, fumes, and action!

I find it terribly claustrophobic. I can't handle seeing the same people. doing the same things, all the time. This is not a 'destination' town and has no need of strangers, so it's really hard to get to know anybody ... but they all know your business!

I can see the supposed advantages to bringing up DC in the country, but it's horrible for teens. The best descriptor is "a small life". Personally I think folks underestimate the cultural benefits of London: it's not just in the infinite variety of stuff to do, but also in what's happening around you, the kaleidoscope of possibilities.The reason I'm always on the internet is that I'm desperate for input. My therapist said I'm suffering a form of sensory deprivation! She shocked me, but she wasn't far wrong.

I think there are people who are interactors, who need to be in stimulating environments, and others whose inner rhythms are more gentle & slow. I'm pretty sure it's a mistake to expect a change of environment to alter your nature.

On the up side, people outside London are fatter so I don't feel like a whale

My family moved from the outskirts of London to a small rural hamlet when I was about 10 and I loved it.
I was a shy child, but the intimacy and size of the nearby village primary made it easy to make friends.
There were only about 5 or 6 other children in our hamlet. All various ages, but we all played together and got on because we had to. I was so much happier.

The secondary school was a large one which served all the villages in the area, so that widened experiences and friendships a bit more.
In our later teens a group of us would often be out clubbing in the nearest city which was about half an hour away. Our parents used to take it in turns driving us in, then we'd share the cost of a taxi home.

When I met dh, who was brought up in a village too, we moved into the city. God knows why, I think we thought it would be more exciting, but it just wasn't 'us' and we both missed the rural life, so came back to the village where he grew up.
We're now trying to move somewhere further out and more rural, but not leave the area completely. My pre teen dc's are really keen, as they won't be leaving friends behind. I think they have a similar outlook on life as dh and me.

It really is a personal desision and not a matter of one position is better than the other.
Could you rent for a while and test the waters before you committ to the move?

We lived on the 35th floor of a huge sky scrapper in the busiest street in Sydney (and Australia) for close to 10 years.

We recently moved to semi-rural Scotland and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I love the feeling of fresh air, of opening windows without being assaulted by noise and not being pushed and barged into as soon as I leave my front door.

Most of all, I love being close to nature and not seeing people all the time.

On the flip side, I used to have coffee shops, a cinema, a supermarket, dry cleaning etc. less than 50ms away and now I have to drive everywhere which is a bit annoying.

Still wouldn't trade it for anything

Thanks for the replies everyone and at everyone being fatter- def a plus for me!

On the mobile at the moment so I will reply a bit later in a bit more detail.

Just back from Colombia Rd flower market in East London & now dd is playing in our smallish but ok sized garden. I guess in some ways it is the best of both worlds. You have all given me a lot of very practical things to think about so thanks for that

It's really interesting reading these posts, and how it has worked for some but not others.

Our story is that we moved from Sw London about ten years ago. I knew that ultimately I craved space from living in the countryside and thought it would be a nicer environment for the DC's to grow up in. DH was happy to stay or go.

But I was so content where we were with lots of friends, everything within walking distance etc that I chickened out and took our house off the market, and we stayed for another year. But in that year I was really envious of anyone moving away and it sort of sealed the fact that I did really want to leave London, and got itchy feet to do the move.

For us it has been a really really fantastic decision. We are loving our life on the outskirts of a small village. Made loads of lovely new friends, children are happy, loving the space etc.

In fact, we only moved an hour or so away from our old London home because we were nervous to move any further away than than, we now wished we had been braver and moved much further away from the rat race that is the south east of England.

We won't move now as are really settled and don't want the upheaval of another move, but our one regret is not moving further away than we have.

Moved and never looked back. We live in a vibrant small town now. Stunning area. Agree you need to do your research.