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Original poster

Please help - having a wobble re. house/lifestyle change...!

31 replies

GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 09:39

I'll try to be brief. We live in a spacious, 3 bed terrace in a lovely, semi-rural town walking distance to schools that DC1 attends, and shops etc. I love it here.

We've always wanted a bigger garden and to be rural - surrounded by countryside, rather than just near to it. We spotted a house in our dream location (only about 3 miles away), top of our budget so viewed it, fell in love with the location, and put our house on the market. It is smaller and neglected (each room needs decorating/carpets, new bathroom/kitchen needed, garden overgrown etc), and I don't love it. It is my dream location though, access straight out onto countryside from the big garden, views for miles. As its top of our budget, we'd have to do the work slowly (he's not very open to offers).

DCs would have to change schools for infants and be driven there, though Juniors is nearby (they are 5 and 2) and walk-able.

I am worried about:
living in a tiny village with not much there. What if we're bored?
changing DC1 school - what if he hates it. His current school is great.
letting someone else have my lovely, light, clean, spacious home!
moving to a smaller house (we'd lose a reception room and downstairs loo, plus smaller rooms overall)

But I've always wanted to live like that, always said none of that would matter if I found a house like this (well, except DC1 hating new school, that would matter), am I just having a wobble or are my instincts saying stay put, it's not right for us?

I sort of wish we'd never seen it, then I wouldn't worry about passing it up and regretting it!

Can anyone share their experiences of making a change like this? Will we miss the indoor space, or will the outdoor space and change in lifestyle make up for it? Doe sit matter that I don't love the house (its alright, that all, but I may love it when it's 'done')?

Any thoughts? Sorry, long but anxious about it now, we've had a viewing and they liked our house. Bastards.

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Jaynebxl · 02/06/2013 10:33

Smaller house, top of your budget and needs lots doing compared to a bigger house in an area you enjoy living? No way would I do it. Especially since you say you love it where you are but don't love the new house.

Notyetthere · 02/06/2013 10:58

Looks like its too much of a compromise. I would not do it!

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 10:59

I know, why am I even thinking about it?? That's what worries me - I don't trust my instincts as I get so anxious anyway, I would never do anything. But if its such a no-brainer, why am I thinking I want to do it?

What if I regret not doing it? There are downside to where I live: crowded estate; difficult parking; noisy neighbours; a bit scruffy. Noting major but I don't suppose I want to be here forever.

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Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 11:33

I'm torn. I'm hopeless at making decisions. I feel like I want you all to say 'go for it, sounds great' but I've clearly worded the OP to make you say anything but. DH is keen, that's important too, though he wouldn't pressure me at all.

Does anyone have experience of moving to a small village with DCs? How was it, especially as they got older?

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Sunnyshores · 02/06/2013 11:40

It seems to me that its not the village life that is worrying you (other than its a change and change is scary), but this particular house seems to be the problem. Really you should love it, or love what it will be when its finished.

Does it have to be this house or nothing?

Relaxedandhappyperson · 02/06/2013 11:43

It may be a "dream" location - but do you actually want the dream to be a reality for you, at this stage in your life?

Doesn't sound like you want to do this, really, but you feel you must because it corresponds with the "dream".

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 11:52

Oh you're right relaxedandhappyperson I think that's it! I have this feeling of 'having to do it'. Thank you for that perspective.

sunnyshores The house is the problem I think. I just don't know if it is because it is so neglected and dated. We couldn't afford to live in this area, in a location like that, without making a big compromise on size and condition of house. but that doesn't mean we have to do it at all.

I also find it hard to back away from something having told people our plans, instructed estate agents etc.

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Bowlersarm · 02/06/2013 11:53

I think you're wobbling so much that it can't be what you want.

Try and fast forward in your mind; if you don't move now and stay where you are do you think in 6 months/a year down the line you would be getting restless again and regret not moving? Hard to tell, I know.

Maybe this particular house you are buying isn't 'the one' and you need to keep looking.

I know a family who did do this and always regretted it.

However I love living in a village, so can recommend that aspect of it.

Bowlersarm · 02/06/2013 12:00

Also I think people who move unless they have to for jobs etc all do have a wobble to some degree.

We did the move out of London a number of years ago. I wobbled and we delayed it by a year, then was even more keen and still wobbled!

It is the unknown I suppose, and changing things when everything is quite adequate already. It's not a reason not to go ahead and do it though.

Jaynebxl · 02/06/2013 12:09

Sounds to me like this has helped you see that the move is not what you want right now, so it has been a good thing and you won't lose face with the EA or anyone. Just tell them it has helped you confirm what you really want.

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 12:14

Thanks Bowlersarm I just tried that and I don't think I would regret not moving. There is nothing I am unhappy with here, just it isn't my dream. I think I could regret moving though.

I think I'm worried about the money too - I think if we got it for a lower price I'd feel more comfortable.

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LaurieFairyCake · 02/06/2013 12:22

I would do it. With a big garden backing onto countryside I would build a very fancy, insulated summer room at the end of the garden - there's your extra reception.

Crowded estate versus country peace - no contest for me.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 02/06/2013 12:32

I want to see the link Grin

We have talked about moving out of the city to a rural location nearish & have the same dilemma about not being able to get the house we want, but being able to find the outside space. Tricky.

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 12:44

No link as it will out me! It is a semi in a quiet cul de sac of about 20 ex-local authority houses. Not a character cottage or anything but literally with a gate from the back garden onto the Downs. I think what this thread has made me feel is that we will go back for a third and final viewing, take a builder friend with us, list what needs doing and make a low offer accordingly. The decision may be made for us!

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Sunnyshores · 02/06/2013 19:02

Just reread the original post and you say this new house is only 3 miles from where you're living now?

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 19:53

Yes, imagine what I'd be like if I was moving to another county Shock

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Sunnyshores · 02/06/2013 20:24

You're not having to give up any friends or going to any clubs or activites that you all enjoy, same shops, restaurants etc. The life change isnt that big at all - you're just getting more pleasant surroundings.

It does sound more as though it's the house that you're not keen on, is it because even when renovated its not perfect? Or the work it entails?

Just by painting everything white, steam cleaning the carpets (staining floorboards underneath?), removing net curtains, strimming the garden you will make a huge difference for a few hundred pounds. Does the thought of doing this this excite you or depress you?

How about posting pictures of the interior only - we could inspire you.

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 02/06/2013 22:02

Thanks sunny that makes me feel better! Its the size of the house I'm worried about I think. Ours is extended, big rooms and very light. This is a bit dark and probably two thirds of the floor space (wild guess). But, if we'd always lived there, I'm sure we wouldn't feel cramped at all. It's fine really.

I think I do want to do it.

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Sunnyshores · 03/06/2013 11:23

OK, so now we're getting there - it does sound exciting!!

The size of a house is an issue, loss of rooms - or in our case, more rooms but much smaller kitchen, bathroom etc. As much as I hate to admit it, it was a great opportunity to clear out some of DH's our clutter, buy a new smaller kitchen table, get inventive with storage and you do get used to the size.

Loss of a downstairs loo would be an issue for me if that only left 1 in the house. As for the reception room, what do you use it for? Could you redistribute the stuff into other rooms or as someone earlier said build something in the garden, convert a garage, make a large patio area for more outside living?

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 03/06/2013 19:13

Well, we had a second viewing on ours tonight, no news yet...

Outside space, yes there's a fair bit, and room to extend to side or loft (but not money to do it).

I'm worried about the loo issue - yes, there is just one bathroom/loo. Hmm

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formicadinosaur · 03/06/2013 19:29

Maybe you need to wait for a better house in the same location.

BimbaBirba · 03/06/2013 19:49

It sounds to me like you're not sure at all about this house. If it was the one, you wouldn't wobble as much. Why do it if you're not 100% convinced and you don't need to move?
I also get the impression that you think this house is overpriced. Doesn't matter that the owner is not keen on negotiation! Just offer what you can afford to make the changes that will make it a house you're excited about. Otherwise just don't do it!

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 05/06/2013 06:15

So, bit of an update. We saw another house last night who h really made me think - 'dream' location house is too small, overpriced and not what I want. Phew! DH loved house last night, I was quite taken too. It prompted my mum to state her concerns over the other house and has persuaded me its not the dream I wanted.

Now to start a thread on this house... Smile

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Jaynebxl · 05/06/2013 06:22

So is this house near non-dream house? Is it bigger and better?

Original poster
GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 05/06/2013 06:43

Not near it but we're only looking in a small area. It's about 3 villages away (rock n roll, me) Grin

House is quite good, much bigger but a little dark. Immediate location is off putting, on a (30 limit) road. But, 200 foot, landscaped back garden which is Amazing! And significantly cheaper, and open to offers. First house was £250000, this one asking £235000. Needs similar amount of work.

I just need to think about the immediate location - it's not very pretty out the front. Hmm

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